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Brenda SchumannVero Beach, FL - Brenda Schumann reportedly found her estranged husband in bed with his naked girlfriend and did what any scorned woman would do in the same circumstances; she took a shit on the kitchen floor.

According to police, late last month, Brenda Shumann, 51, barged into her soon-to-be-ex-husband’s bedroom at 2:30 am carrying a rifle and threatening to kill him and his lover.  Her husband was able to get the gun away from her.  Not to be defeated that easily, she then urinated on the carpet outside the bedroom then proceeded to the kitchen where she defecated on the floor.  She then found a second rifle and vandalized the house with it, smashing mirrors, pictures and Christmas decorations.

Her rage and her bowels finally empty, she vacated the premises, leaving the rifle behind.

Brenda was located at her nearby home later, resisted arrest, which almost never works, and is now charged with aggravated assault/domestic violence, battery and resisting arrest.

She is quoted as saying to her arresting deputies, “I found him in bed with a naked chick.  What was I supposed to do?”  Excellent question, Brenda.  I’m not one to admonish a scorned woman for acting a tad irrationally in matters of the heart, but I do wonder this; was the poop premeditated?  Did she save it all day for that confrontation?  Or was it more a matter of her getting so angry it made her have to poop?  Well, I think I’ve given us all plenty to ponder for now.

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Comments


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  • sweekymom

    Dear Brenda,

    What are you supposed to do? See the story below for a few ideas.

    Warm regards,
    Sweekymom

  • Sam

    I always thought marking your territory was the start of a relationship, not the end.

  • Sam

    Maybe she just wanted to make sure they got the “You’re in deep shit now!” message. You know, in case the death threats, rifle to the noggin’, and house smashed to pieces weren’t quite clear enough.

  • CT

    WTF you idiot! You know you are still gonna have to clean that shit up! Housework – a woman’s work is never done.

  • Sam

    I’m starting to see a link between residents of Florida and premature aging. So the question is, is it the fleeting looks that drive people crazy, or does the crazy work as a line-accellerant?

  • daMonBrooks

    I’m sure hes burning with desire for her now, Ah love <3

  • newstarshipsmell

    Maybe she just needed her litter box changed.

  • newstarshipsmell

    But they weren’t living together at that point. Unless you were referring to her ass crack. The write up doesn’t indicate whether or not she premeditated snatching a roll of toilet paper.

  • OutOfBubbleGum

    Bernad;

    I’m trouble sorry for condition your in. you’re Dyslexic I forgot. e-mail My read should:

    Crap the scare out of him.

    BubbleGumOutOf

  • JohnQknowitall

    I guess the message here is not to shit where you sleep.

  • Gee

    Right… Nothing is more attractive then a haggardly old woman taking a shit in the middle of the kitchen. Ugh

  • Sam

    Suddenly i worry that we’ve been given a rather too candid glimpse into what they normally got up to in the bedroom… :/

  • brandi

    hey, some people can shit on sight! kinda like when actors cry for the camera. if this is not the case, then i’m almost sure she got so angry she got the bg’s (bubble guts) and decided to put it to good use.

  • kcjosh

    Well this is just a shitty situation for all involved.

  • NY_Mommy

    Ewwww

  • Sam

    Well, if he made her sleep in the kitchen i guess he deserved to get assaulted like that… :P

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=736546181 Michael Heldman

    FUCK YOU!

  • JohnQknowitall

    Sam – that is an old cheating husband adage: a dog never shits where it sleeps translated never take your mistress to your wife’s house.

  • kimbev69

    i had a dog that pooped when you said “do your business” go figure

  • Gee

    I think you guys missed where it said,

    “Brenda was located at her nearby home later, resisted arrest”

    She didn’t live there with him. So technically she didn’t shit were she slept.

  • Buffettgirl

    It’s funny that I can visit this site several times a day for a couple of months now and yet I’m still surprised by the shit some people do. It’s the “WTF is WRONG with you” factor for me. I would never do something so crappy, I’d be too humiliated by the dung storm that would come after…

  • tkaz

    That’s the FIRST thing I thought!
    …But…at least…it was the kitchen floor & not the carpet.

  • tkaz

    Why are her Christmas decorations still up?
    Am I mentally unstable if that’s the only thing I questioned when reading this story….?

  • http://www.facebook.com/dre.mosley Dre Mosley

    I’m so mad, I could shit.

  • newstarshipsmell

    That’s a couple months late…

  • Abroad

    Those were his Christmas decorations. And if was clearly unlucky to have them up still….

  • tkaz

    She’s a task master – she took them down for him.

  • http://twitter.com/Q_Jordon Quintin Jordon

    Potty Train… Wrong home … wrong carpet…

  • CT

    Why so angry?

  • JohnQknowitall

    Correction: Never shit where your husband’s mistress lives! :P

  • alphatroll

    I think he commented on the wrong article… there’s a plethora of responses like that under the article posted by someone called “Aberrant”. (Apparently some kind of reference I didn’t get.)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=736546181 Michael Heldman

    I haven’t been around much but I still wanted to properly introduce myself.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=736546181 Michael Heldman

    Why so calm?

  • newstarshipsmell

    alphatroll, it is apparently tradition at the D’D to welcome new writers with a “Fuck You!” from the commenters. That is all.

  • midniteshadows

    She did it all wrong! What is the matter with these people? You’re supposed to soak rags in cat urine then rub the bedframe with it, along with any shoes, clothes, toothbrushes, remote control, appliances, anything that captures your fancy. Just ask my ex. :)

  • daMonBrooks

    Lolz. You funny.

  • Buffettgirl

    Why thank you very much kind sir… ;-)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=718600192 Tim Bates

    She took the phrase “I am so mad I could just shit” to a very literal level.

  • Stormblast

    What did the cops do, put her face next to the messes she made and smack her with a rolled up newspaper, yelling “NO! WE DO THAT OUTSIDE!”?

  • LeaveMeBe

    Only you would think of this.

  • LeaveMeBe

    She peed on the carpet in the hallway.

  • LeaveMeBe

    Or maybe she was craving chilidogs.

  • LeaveMeBe

    This made me laugh uncontrollably! I swear, I’m going to have to be careful next time I say “I’m so mad, I could spit!” I have a bad feeling this might escape instead.

  • LeaveMeBe

    I’ve been coming here for years and still have total WTF moments. It’s kinda refreshing that people are so creative. :)

  • LeaveMeBe

    LOL!

  • newstarshipsmell

    Well someone has to think these things through.

  • Sam

    Oh, thanks for that. Now i’m going to be sat here all day wondering how you get a cat to wee in a bucket.

  • takurospirit

    Probably being white, in an area with lots of sun, and no sunblock.

  • Sam

    The sun reflecting off their aluminium foil hats probably also doesn’t help.

  • Aunt Cathy

    (Maybe the 3rd time I try to post this will be the charm…apparently Discus hates me!) Thanks for the insight, newstarshipsmell!! I’d noticed that several times while perusing the archives & wondered if the “F*** You” comments were an inside-thing. I’ve been a dedicated Demonite since stumbling across a link to this awesome site almost 8 months ago. I finally worked-up the courage to start posting comments a few weeks ago. (It doesn’t pay to bring anything less than your A-game when interacting with Demonites!!)

  • newstarshipsmell

    No problem. Normally when some new writer gets their first story posted, Morbid has given them an introduction in the comments and incited the rest of us to welcome them with a “Fuck you!” I’m guessing he had his hands full yesterday. He mentioned getting a number of writers lined up, so look forward to joining in during the coming days.

    And don’t be shy. God, look at how many upvotes I get with my recycled jokes.

  • CT

    I was just giving him shit – I knew what he meant. I wanted to him feel loved – the way Yeti loved him.

  • CT

    And you used the word – plethora. I love the word.

  • Eliza Berntsen

    I think that they know that if they were to start being repetitive, that no-one would want to read about their fucked up asses.

  • brandi

    yea i’d much rather her shit on the carpet than piss, piss soaks through, you’ll never get that smell out

  • LeaveMeBe

    Exactly.

  • wastintime

    Cheat on me bitch? I’ll shit on your floor! Old lady is awesome! But I wonder if the cheating was the reason for divorce, or if it’s because the wife is nuts?

  • alphatroll

    It is a lovely word, isn’t it?

  • alphatroll

    I shall bow to your superior wisdom and consider myself enlightened. :)

  • G.I.R.L.

    Something about this stinks.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anna-Hall-Grillot/100000054600337 Anna Hall Grillot

    If I were the police, I’d have rubbed her nose in it… Which is a good reason I have never entered law enforcement..

  • techsupp0rt

    Rage shit. Crime of passion.

  • Jack2

    I laughed so hard, I soiled myself.

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