Good day, sickos. I want to thank all of you for your calls and emails inquiring about my well-being and offering sex at various public parks. But fear not, I am just on a much-deserved, much-needed vacation. Although I am off this week, I will be writing up some stuff off and on while finally being able to focus on some DD house cleaning. I'll also have time to respond to some of you interested in writing. In the meantime, be sure to check out the forums for the latest in terrible news.

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NoNookieChandler, AZ — A sexually frustrated woman was taken into custody Sunday after allegedly threatening to kill her husband because he wouldn’t give her any nookie.

Gloria Pratt, 53, reportedly called police to complain that she and her husband of two years were no longer having sex and she was upset, dammit.

When police arrived at the home that evening, they met with an allegedly intoxicated Pratt, who repeated the complaint. I’m guessing she didn’t explain the reasoning behind the man’s refusal to give her dick.

It was quite apparent that a crime had not been committed by either party, so the officers wished the couple good luck and left the home.

About a minute later, the responding officers glanced at the couple’s living room window and witnessed Pratt screaming “do something!” at her husband as he reclined on the couch.

According to police, Pratt then yelled, “I’m going to kill you!” before walking off to the kitchen. You know, where the pointy and poisony shit is stored….

The officers then had reason to arrest Pratt – they knocked on the couple’s door and detained her.

She’s been booked on suspicion of disorderly conduct-domestic violence and threats-domestic violence. A bond amount has not yet been made available.

Police say that after being arrested, Pratt reportedly mentioned that her husband “would get what was coming to him now.” Yeah, some peace and fucking quiet…

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  • TheLadyDragon

    No mug shot? How am I supposed to know if she’s a total dog and her hubby is in the right…

  • Sam

    A call about lack of sex warrants two police officers making a house call? What the? Were they perhaps checking out the talent to see if they could ‘help’ her in any way?

  • Andyman

    Suspicion of disorderly conduct? Is that a detainable offence? lmao.

  • newstarshipsmell

    Calling 911 to complain about your sex life isn’t considered a crime? Or did she at least retain the sense to call the non-emergency number?

  • CT

    Ladies, it’s called a vibrator – it doesn’t ask you to do the laundry, cook and it never talks back or cheats on you with some skank. The more you know.

  • Valerie

    And as long as the batteries are fresh, it won’t finish before you.

  • OutOfBubbleGum

    Sad, really…

    Is this woman from Mars?

    Countless women’s magazines at Walmart, Food Lion, Rite-Aid, …, with plenty of advise on how to have more/better/hotter sex while all she wants is SEX. Dam’it, men need romance. Men need atmosphere. Men need love, too.

    Sincerely, Venus Man

  • CT

    Nice addition.

  • Buffettgirl

    Sheesh, in a pinch hasn’t she got a hand-held shower nozzle or, I don’t know, her imagination and her left hand???

  • Wolf_of_Mars

    Sounds like he needs to get her a pet…

    A “rabbit” with a kick-starter.

    Vrooom, Vroom! Ohhh. Vroom, VROOOOOOM! Oh, GAWD! **Snicker!**

  • Valerie

    Thanks lol

  • JGo555

    You win.

  • come_and_see

    Where’s the tape.

  • princessgrandma

    The whackjobs are alive and well, it seems.

    I am sorry I have been away. Just got out of the hospital today (not mental, cardiac) after having a stress-induced heart attack 2 days after Christmas. Blood sugar dropped to ZERO and I dropped like a ton of bricks. Getting better but it’s going to be a long road.

    Just glad to see the ‘Demon is still here.

    Anyone who remembers me, I’ll be seeing you soon. Take care!

  • daMonBrooks

    Holy wow’ I’m glad you made out of the hospital well.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anna-Hall-Grillot/100000054600337 Anna Hall Grillot

    Shower nozzle …. Mmmmmmm…..

  • Buffettgirl

    Nice! ;-)

  • LeaveMeBe

    I’m thinking they were animal control officers at the 311.

  • LeaveMeBe

    Oh crikey! I most certainly “know” you. Glad you’re on the mend. *hugs*

  • Abroad

    You’d usually only get slapped with a misuse of emergency number if you kept calling after being warned not to……