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Caleb GrotbergPortland, OR — There is certainly no shortage of domestic assault stories here at the Dreamin’ Demon, and while domestic violence is no laughing matter, the “weapons” some of the alleged abusers use make me giggle. A little.

Caleb “Damn, he’d be really fucking hot if he lost some of that excess hair” Grotberg, 32, was recently booked on a laundry list of charges after allegedly strangling his girlfriend with his dreadlocks.

Police were called to the couple’s home early Monday morning, where they learned from the girlfriend that Grotberg had assaulted her and attempted to strangle her with his hair after the two argued.

Grotberg was not at the scene when officers arrived, but was quickly picked up after the victim described his ‘do.

He’s now behind bars, facing domestic violence-related charges that include kidnapping, attempted assault, assault, menacing and strangulation.

The woman was taken to a Portland hospital for treatment to numerous injuries, none of which were considered life-threatening.

Speaking of weird-ass things people use to abuse their significant other – just to name a few – we have a change jar, a pet python, prosthetic leg, key lime pie, and my favorite…. puppies!

I know one can’t guarantee how they would react in a similar situation, but if a dude was trying to strangle me with his fucking hair, I would probably die from laughter before choking to death. Seriously. If you’re gonna hurt me, do it like a fucking man…. slap me with your dick, bitch.

Ahhh, love. Ain’t it fucking grand.

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