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Caleb GrotbergPortland, OR — There is certainly no shortage of domestic assault stories here at the Dreamin’ Demon, and while domestic violence is no laughing matter, the “weapons” some of the alleged abusers use make me giggle. A little.

Caleb “Damn, he’d be really fucking hot if he lost some of that excess hair” Grotberg, 32, was recently booked on a laundry list of charges after allegedly strangling his girlfriend with his dreadlocks.

Police were called to the couple’s home early Monday morning, where they learned from the girlfriend that Grotberg had assaulted her and attempted to strangle her with his hair after the two argued.

Grotberg was not at the scene when officers arrived, but was quickly picked up after the victim described his ‘do.

He’s now behind bars, facing domestic violence-related charges that include kidnapping, attempted assault, assault, menacing and strangulation.

The woman was taken to a Portland hospital for treatment to numerous injuries, none of which were considered life-threatening.

Speaking of weird-ass things people use to abuse their significant other – just to name a few – we have a change jar, a pet python, prosthetic leg, key lime pie, and my favorite…. puppies!

I know one can’t guarantee how they would react in a similar situation, but if a dude was trying to strangle me with his fucking hair, I would probably die from laughter before choking to death. Seriously. If you’re gonna hurt me, do it like a fucking man…. slap me with your dick, bitch.

Ahhh, love. Ain’t it fucking grand.

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  • jennifer schroeder

    This story makes me embarrassed to be from Portland.

  • Sam

    How the fuck do you injure somebody with hair? He must have been decked out like a fighting cock – razors and needles hidden inside his dreads left right and centre.

  • Andyman

    /Turns on Beavis and Butthead voice:
    heh hehe heh… She said cock. lol

  • newstarshipsmell

    Can he be sentenced to a hair cut? Is that legal?

  • CT

    Why Jesus?

  • Valerie

    Can they shave him to prevent lice?

  • darsa

    If that picture is accurate, he has lovely skin! Absolutely luminescent!

  • OutOfBubbleGum

    What is the background waiting period to own an Assault Hair weapon? 4 to 5 year?

  • SayAunt

    Anyone want to join me in a chorus of “Hair” by the Cowsills?

  • brandi

    ha cockslap! the only way a man should fight! use your brain!

  • Buffettgirl

    Well, I guess all of those “Keep Portland Weird” bumper stickers are working after all… damn I love this place!

  • Buffettgirl

    I thought the same thing last night when I heard this on KPTV, I kind of hoped it wouldn’t make it to DD but I knew that it would…

  • nomorepolitix

    Wow. It’s like Robert Browning’s poem, Porphyria’s Lover, only I don’t remember wanting to throw up when I read that nugget in high school. This guy gives me the heeby-jeebies. Bet his hair smells Downy® fresh, too.

  • nomorepolitix

    Cheer up, it could be worse: if you’re from Florida, your state gets represented each and every day…multiple times on this site. :-/

  • Heather_Habilatory

    God damn, he’s pretty. He could choke me a little. The safe word: SHAMPOO.

  • techsupp0rt

    Hey, at least we’re not Florida!

  • Wolf_of_Mars

    This guy looks like he’s grooming himself to score some Manson Family cougar panocha…

  • Buffettgirl

    I’m glad I didn’t find this site until after my trip to Melbourne Beach last April! 😉

  • JGo555

    Why do white people think DREAD LOCKS make them look good?

  • JGo555


  • Wolf_of_Mars

    Yup! Think about how many Demonites are going to be looking it up on the Urban Dictionary, if it’s even there because of it being Tex-Mex border slang.

  • Heather_Habilatory

    Shut up, beotch, he’s gorgeous!

  • Heather_Habilatory

    Ahhhh, Portland!

  • JGo555

    Don’t lie. For a second you thought the same… Women look even worse with them.

  • NY_Mommy

    Yes, I for one would also rather be slapped with your dick!! i’m dying here in my office.

  • daMonBrooks

    You’ve made my night

  • “Seriously. If you’re gonna hurt me, do it like a fucking man…. slap me with your dick, bitch.”


  • Wicked Smilee

    Insane Clown Posse have a song or two that reference choking with dreadlocks. ~just useless trivia

  • takurospirit

    He has a really pretty face. It’s like almost perfectly symmetrical. It’s freaking me out.

  • Heather_Habilatory

    I’ve seen some very pretty girls with them. I even photographed them back in my photography days!

  • Twisted1

    Hanging my head in shame. I have a confession to make. I grew up in Largo, Fl. Now that I think of it, it explains a lot.

  • newstarshipsmell

    In all fairness, other Floridians have spoken up in the past and stated that it isn’t the natives, it’s all the crazies that move there that make it so whacked. The state is a magnet for lunatics, or something.

  • newstarshipsmell

    Screw that making people look shit up bullshit.

    6. panocha – 255 up, 155 down

    Panocha is an unrefined sugar from Mexico.

    The name panocha refers to the traditional cone shape in which the sugar is produced. It is also know as panela and piloncillo.

    Slang for vagina. chonch. pussy

    yo quiero panocha

  • Wolf_of_Mars

    It was a joking statement.

  • Athena

    I really wish they hadn’t ripped of Austin for their motto, though. Although, having more strip clubs per capita than any other major American city means I’ll forgive them.

  • deadskinmask213

    “And if I hadn’t cut off my hair I’d choke you with all my dreadlocks.” Looks as if someone stole a play from the Juggalo Handbook.

  • deadskinmask213

    I figured you would have something to say.

  • Buffettgirl

    Strip clubs, microbreweries (in the world on this one) and tattoo parlors! I love us! 😉

  • Athena

    Eh… Seattle’s got plenty of badass microbreweries and tattoo parlors. But our strip clubs SUCK.

  • newstarshipsmell

    I knew that!

    But… you know how I like to post UD definitions.

  • LeaveMeBe

    So many cities use that motto now. I OD daily on Keep Austin Weird shirts, stickers, posters, bumper stickers, etc…

  • Heather_Habilatory

    omg.. I’m moving in.

  • onlyme356

    I’ve never known panocha to mean anything else but a vulgar term for vagina in Spanish. It’s kind of a cross between coochie and pussy. Not quite as soft as coochie, but not quite as harsh as pussy.

  • wastintime

    That’s some funny shit! Choking bitches with dreadlocks! I’d fuck him, just once!

  • HelleCat

    This whole thing reminds me of an Insane Clown Posse song. Specifically…

    Yeah.. no I may have listened to them when I was 14. So glad that phase is over.