Good day, sickos. I want to thank all of you for your calls and emails inquiring about my well-being and offering sex at various public parks. But fear not, I am just on a much-deserved, much-needed vacation. Although I am off this week, I will be writing up some stuff off and on while finally being able to focus on some DD house cleaning. I'll also have time to respond to some of you interested in writing. In the meantime, be sure to check out the forums for the latest in terrible news.

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Manatee County, FL — A 50-year-old Florida woman is facing battery charges after police allege she roughed up her 32-year-old boyfriend because the bastard blew his load and failed to finish her off during a mutual oral sex session.

Ahhh, Florida… you never fail to disappoint.

According to the police report, Jennie Scott and her long-term on again-off again boyfriend, Jilberto Deleon, were sixty-nining late Thursday evening, when Deleon “finished first and stopped pleasuring her.” This, of course, led to a stabbing an argument.

At some point during the argument, witnesses say, Scott turned violent, punching and scratching Deleon.

Witnesses claim Scott armed herself with a stick and began beating Deleon. Fortunately for him, he was able to disarm her and hand the stick off to one of the witnesses before he lost an eye or something.

Undeterred, Scott reportedly picked up a nearby wrench and threatened to brain Deleon, but was grabbed from behind and disarmed once again.

Scott later told police that not only was she angry about Deleon’s apparent lack of oral skills, she was also pissed because she had heard him having sex with another woman on the phone earlier that day. (Not sure if we’re talking about phone sex, or if Deleon was actually stupid enough to answer Scott’s call while banging another woman. Either way, something tells me Deleon likes playing with fire).

While being questioned, Scott reportedly told police Deleon had beaten her a week prior to this particular incident – badly enough that she required hospitalization. When the officer pointed out the lack of bruising to her face, Scott got pissy and decided, once again, to go after Deleon.

According to the report, Scott approached Deleon and inquired as to whether he was really going to have her sent to jail. She then allegedly shoved him, in the presence of the officers, and was promptly cuffed and placed under arrest.

Scott was described as “extremely intoxicated” at the scene and police say she put up a bit of a fight during her arrest, struggling, screaming and kicking at the back window. The kicking stopped after police threatened to mace her crazy ass, but the screaming continued.

She’s been booked on a misdemeanor charge of battery. A bond/bail amount has not yet been made available.

Speaking of oral sex, remember Ms. Rottencrotch? The woman who reportedly threatened to knife a fucker if he didn’t go down on her less-than-fresh vajayjay? Or how ’bout Michelle Owens? The woman who apparently couldn’t even get her dog to go down. Well, not without a bit of peanut butter….

Good times. Gooood, good times.

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  • Wolf_of_Mars

    Something tells me that this wasn’t the first time he got his jollies & rolled off before she got hers…

    Man, did he ever skip a chapter of the “Boyfriend’s Handbook.”

  • Heather_Habilatory

    He is DAMN lucky it wasn’t a stabbin’.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1489869015 Lance Larkin

    She’s like a Venus flytrap. Once you go in you have to cum out; lol.

  • daMonBrooks

    haha, I couldn’t even imagine.
    “Yeah, thanks, I’m outta here.”

  • OutOfBubbleGum

    “… because the bastard … failed to finish … during a mutual … session.”

    Legally, he has up to 72 hours after the agreement before it becomes a legally binding contract.

  • JGo555

    My husband: “Let me guess, Florida?”
    Me: *Laughs*

    Way to close out the year, Jaded. With/OUT a bang!

  • newstarshipsmell

    At some point during the argument, witnesses say, Scott turned violent, punching and scratching Deleon.

    Witnesses claim Scott armed herself with a stick and began beating Deleon. Fortunately for him, he was able to disarm her and hand the stick off to one of the witnesses before he lost an eye or something.

    I mean, it’s Florida… so I guess it shouldn’t surprise me that there were witnesses present.

  • Andyman

    She is certainly nothing to look at but a 50 year old beotch and a 32 year old dude? My girl is 6 years my junior. Wouldn’t likely sign up for one that was 18 years my senior.

  • JohnQknowitall

    In Florida they have the Aileen Wuornos Code. It is unofficial and completely illegal, but if you are a heterosexual male in Florida you should be aware of it and abide by it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/timothymatthewmurphy brain_bomb

    How is this even in the news? Is this not common? I make sure that when I finish I get up and lock myself in the bathroom with a cigarette and a lighter already waiting for me in there. My bathroom door has all kinds of hand and foot prints on it but other than that I’ve gone pretty much unscathed.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kelly-Zedeker/1404170232 Kelly Zedeker

    Wait, you are saying there are men that DON’T do what this guy did?

  • Sam

    I’m thinking if she would have gotten stabbed, things never would have gotten this far. In either meaning of ‘stabbing’.

  • Sam

    I really hope what he had earlier in the day was phone sex because the thought of her sucking the remnants of another woman off him just turns my stomach.

  • Heather_Habilatory

    That weirded me out, too.

  • BehemothII

    Sure honey but wheres the Saran Wrap?

  • BehemothII

    Yarghh

  • sweekymom

    Honestly, I’ve got to wonder: how do the cops in Florida manage to arrest the morons in situations like this without falling out with laughter? My hat’s off to them.

  • tinalib13

    Wait! Witnesses were present when? During the sixty-nining?? Oh my!

  • merl1

    when you’re done, you’re done.