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Princeton, MN — A man accused of throwing food items at his wife after arguing about his ex-girlfriend’s Facebook profile pic got exactly what he wished for, after repeatedly stating to police that he would rather go to jail than to stay with his wife.

Eustaquio Israel Morales-Hernandez told police that on the evening of the alleged food fight, he had consumed about nine beers and was stalking his ex-girlfriend’s profile. Well, the wife caught him lookin’. That, my friends, led to the lamest verbal argument ever.

The current bitch reportedly said the ex-bitch looked like a man. Morales-Hernandez came back with a snappy retort. It went a little like this…

“Well, if she looks like a man, than you look like a cow.”

Oooh, BURN.

The two apparently continued to go back and forth a bit… the wife called Morales-Hernandez a Mexican burrito and an illegal alien. His response? Elephant.

Morales-Hernandez then allegedly started throwing random kitchen and food items at her… one of the items made contact with her trunk. Erm, face. Officers later found a metal food can and a bag of sugar on the kitchen floor.

When it was apparent an arrest was going to be made, Morales-Hernandez reportedly offered up his wrists and stated that he would much rather spend time in jail than spend any more time with his wife. Police say he was uncharacteristically cooperative during the arrest and booking process.

He’s now behind bars on a misdemeanor count of domestic assault – intentionally attempting to inflict bodily harm. If convicted, he’s looking at up to 90 days in jail and a whoppin’ $1,000 fine.

This doesn’t appear to be Morales-Hernandez’s first go ’round… if Busted Mugshots is to be believed, he faced the same charges back in April.

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  • Dang, masochist much? Talk about being a glutton for it!

  • LeaveMeBe

    When I think of food fights, bags of sugar and cans of food aren’t what come to mind. Have I been doing it wrong all along?
    And total fail on the verbal argument. That sounded like an excnage between Mr. Rogers and Captain Kanagroo.

  • JohnQknowitall

    Is there anyone who can honestly say that a night in jail occasionally seems more appealing than that night with a spouse/lover/bf/gf/almost anything but a fuck buddy?

  • come_and_see

    I once had a coworker that use to stay for hours on his computer after he punched out because he didn’t want to go home to his wife.

  • OutOfBubbleGum

    Ninety days in jail is probably a step up than sleeping in a cow elephant stable or elephant cow barn. He’s lucky that he dodge the bestiality charge.

  • OutOfBubbleGum

    It’s sad really. Pavlov was wrong.

    Fortunately for the world, I try to continue his research. However, I’m not reaching the same results. When I say “illegal” to some, they say “Mexican.” Other test subjects, like Eustaquio Israel Morales-Hernandez, suddenly jump up and rapidly run south.

    I don’t know what to make of this?

  • Wolf_of_Mars

    SHE: Guess he needs step away from the beef and switch to a mutton diet…

    SHEEP: Naaa-aaaaa-aa-aaaa!

    FUTURE OFFSPRING: Are you my Daaa-aaa-aaddy, Senor?

  • Sam

    Sheesh. I bet about 90% of the DD readers could teach him a thing or two about Alt-freakin’-Tabbing when the boss / wife walks past.

  • OutOfBubbleGum

    If an alleged abuser is guilty of abusing, then I must guilty, too, of alleged working.

  • come_and_see

    That’s amateur. I have a virtual machine computer I spend $5 a month on that I remotely connect on from my work PC. Leaves 0 traces on their internal network and internet tracking.

  • Sam

    We need to talk. 😉

  • Buffettgirl

    I don’t get it. He seems like such a princely catch… Why is he dating he-woman elephant cows? I think he has self-esteem issues…

  • Rachel Ann

    when she said pour some sugar on me, I don’t think she meant throw it.

  • techsupp0rt

    Mexican burrito and illegal alien? Lame. I would have went for fence jumping taco bender if I was going to go that route…

  • I don’t like to make fun of people’s physical appearance, but that guy’s got some serious crazy eyes goin’ on there. Smoked a little too much meth, maybe?