Good day, sickos. I want to thank all of you for your calls and emails inquiring about my well-being and offering sex at various public parks. But fear not, I am just on a much-deserved, much-needed vacation. Although I am off this week, I will be writing up some stuff off and on while finally being able to focus on some DD house cleaning. I'll also have time to respond to some of you interested in writing. In the meantime, be sure to check out the forums for the latest in terrible news.

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ORANGE CITY, FL – Richard Watson has been charged with attempted murder for allegedly trying to drown his wife in a dog’s water bowl after arguing about an under cooked pizza.

It happened Wednesday night as Richard and his wife, Debra, settled in with two frozen pizzas and began watching the 12-12-12 charity event on television.

After realizing his pizza was still raw, Richard threw a tantrum then threw his plate of food at the front door. In response, Debra threw her plate of food as well. This enraged Richard, so he tackled Debra to the ground and then held her head in a dog’s water bowl that contained three inches of water.

Debra said she wasn’t sure if he was using his hands or his knee to hold her head in place, but she’s positive she heard him say he was going to kill her. After managing to break free, Debra said Richard began strangling her in the living room by the front door.

“She felt her life was going to end,” said Orange City Cmdr. Jason Sampsell.

When police arrived, Richard said he’d only held his wife to stop her from breaking more dishes and that he never hit her. The only part of his statement that had a ring of truth is when he told the officers that his wife “gets mad for no reason.” I’m not sure why he even told the police that, as I am sure they figured that out as soon as they realized his wife was a female.

Richard was arrested and charged with attempted murder and battery. He’s currently being held at Volusia County Branch Jail. During a phone interview, Debra said she isn’t even sure what the argument was about and blamed the under cooked pizzas on Richard, saying he’s the one who cooked them.

Speaking of drowning your wife in a dog bowl, I’m not ashamed to admit that my favorite frozen pizza are those cheap ass Totino’s pizzas. I like cooking the pepperoni ones until they are slightly burnt, then eating them while sitting on the toilet.

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  • SayAunt

    According to the cops, the dog was quite content as he munched on the Red Baron’s sausage.

  • http://www.facebook.com/james.mil.37 James Miltenberger

    I don’t get why he didn’t just reheat the pizza…. Dumbass

  • alphatroll

    Ah, I remember the days of sitting around eating overcooked cheap pizzas. Good times, those.

  • http://www.facebook.com/james.mil.37 James Miltenberger

    How stupid do you have to be to just turn on the fucking oven and cook it a bit longer.

  • Patr1ckBateman

    I don’t know how such dysfunctional people get into relationships. Surely, this wouldn’t have been the first abusive act he committed with her. And yet they are married. If a wife strangling moron like him can get into a relationship, anyone can.
    This makes me laugh at myself because when I was in my teens, I thought no girl would ever want to be in a relationship with me, simply because I had very few social skills and I saw myself as a deeply flawed and unnatractive person. Should have realised that even if that’s true, it wouldn’t be a problem. But if someone had told me that I wouldn’t have listened.
    Anyhow that’s enough hazy Saturday morning rambling. Fuck this guy. What a wanker. Oh and frozen pizzas go all right if you add extra toppings.

  • newstarshipsmell

    “I’m not ashamed to admit that my favorite frozen pizza are those cheap ass Totino’s pizzas. I like cooking the pepperoni ones until they are slightly burnt, then eating them while sitting on the toilet.”

    Totally with you there up until the toilet part; never tried that before. Do you wait for them to cool or do you enjoy burning the roof of your mouth while eating them piping hot and then popping the blisters afterwards and cursing yourself out for not waiting a minute?

  • t0ofly

    I’m sure raw pizza will sound pretty good after a few weeks in jail.

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com Morbid

    They never have to end!

  • JohnQknowitall

    Sounds like a typical Floridian date night gone bad.

  • NY_Mommy

    HA! Morbid, those are my favorite too! I ate one last nite for dinner, only mine was supreme.

  • Sam

    Wtf was he trying to do, curse her out in mime? “you fucking bitch! Take your pizza face out of the front door! And take those ugly ass plates with you!”

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000027737993 Cory D Love

    Somethings missing in this story there’s no way he cooked that pizza. if I were a women I wouldn’t admit I under cooked anything either lol.

  • sweekymom

    This is why I only eat take out pizzas. Srsly, if your man is such a fuck up that he can’t even cook a frozen pizza properly, it’s time for a trade-in.

  • Evan Oswald

    ABSOLUTELY – this guy has the right idea. This woman is lying about not cooking the pizza, and maybe more. I mean, how do we know this woman isn’t nuts (e.g. that polish lady who stabbed her son a bunch of times)? I’m not saying she def. lied about the whole thing but i am almost certain that cunt burnt the pizza.

  • Aslan

    I completely agree, there is a random chance that all of a sudden he ‘snapped’ but I doubt it. Just look at him. I bet his nickname was turtle in HS. I’m just glad she was able to call the police.

  • Mike Mcclain

    They’re my fav too. Cooked tge same way. Dufferent dining room choice tho.

  • Jenn

    At least it sounds like their poor doggie got to enjoy two delicious, albeit a little under cooked, plates full of pizza.

  • Zwietracht

    Because… Florida.

  • Whatevn

    I’m not ashamed to admit that my favorite frozen pizza are those cheap
    ass Totino’s pizzas. I like cooking the pepperoni ones until they are
    slightly burnt,

    :D

    then eating them while sitting on the toilet.

    ….

  • LoKi4778

    He does it on the toilet because the travel time of those pizzas is under 15 minutes from top to bottom…

  • LeaveMeBe

    I crave those stupid things occasionally when I’m PMSing and I think they are super yummy, then. Otherwise I think they are nasty.

  • Lena60

    Shut up Morbid lmao, did you miss me? :)

  • Lena60

    Yeah Morbid, Ya got to burn them abit,Thats what makes them tatse good.

  • Andyman

    I’m a fan of the Stouffers french bread ones, but yeah you have to let them cool or else you’re probably losing that thin layer of mouth roof by this time tomorrow.