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WESTMORELAND COUNTY, PA – A woman in Pennsylvania was charged after she allegedly cut up her boyfriend after he tried leaving her apartment with the last beer.

Vanessa Robinson is behind bars on aggravated assault charges after police say she and her boyfriend, James Gallone, got into a fight last Thursday inside Robinson’s apartment.

Gallone made the mistake of grabbing the last Colt 45 from Robinson’s fridge as he was leaving her apartment. Even though he had paid for it, this move went over about as well as the time someone took Jaded‘s last piece of bacon.

Robinson told Gallone that she didn’t care if he left, but that he was doing so without the beer. The resulting argument escalated into a physical confrontation between the two. After some kicking and punching, the beer was poured onto the ground. That went over about as well as the time time someone took Jaded’s last piece of bacon and then fed it to their dog.

Robinson grabbed a knife and began attacking her boyfriend with it. “She cut him in the arm, neck, back and stomach areas prior to him being able to disarm her,”Trooper Limani said. “He had to receive several stitches.”

Gallone was treated for minor injuries at Westmoreland Hospital while Robinson was taken to jail. Obviously, things could have ended a lot worse for both of them. “Whenever you’re talking about an individual that has a knife and they’re wielding it in another person’s direction and you’re talking about minor injuries, [is] very fortunate. It could have been life-threatening,” said Trooper Limani.

That’s no joke. Things could have ended up much, much worse for Gallone. I’ve heard that in Vegas at night, a few miles into the desert, people report seeing the ghost of the man who ate the last of Jaded’s bacon. The say he endlessly wanders around carrying a disemboweled dog while crying, “Where’s my face? Wheeere’s myyy faaace?!”

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  • curiousalways

    If that headline read “after taking last glass of wine” I would see absolutely nothing wrong with what she did.

  • Andy Staves

    I hope Jaded likes real bacon and not that Canadian shit. It was worth the move back to the UK just for the real stuff again :D

  • wastintime

    Colt 45? Hell I would have forced him to take that shit with him.

  • CT

    Even if it were the LAST Colt 45 on the earth, I still wouldn’t get all stabby over that shit. Speaking of the shits, if Colt 45 doesn’t give you the beer shits, nothing will.

  • Evan Oswald

    she looks like a meth head tho for real

  • Zazen

    It’s ok guys, this is just a typical Pennsylvanian custody battle.

  • Michael Heldman

    Glad to hear you are ok Morbid. Jaded must have found the bacon flavored bath salts.

  • NY_Mommy

    Well alright now. I could see if he did the last line of coke but the last beer? Really?

  • Chinchillazilla

    The last sentence was the best thing I’ve read here in a while.

  • brain_bomb

    Looks like that dickhead stole her hairbrush, her wash rag and hid their laundry detergent, too! He had it coming if you ask me.

  • Sam

    Now see, if she would have taken that knife and cut out the chunk of soil with the beer before it completely soaked away, i’m sure she could have salvaged at least some of the beer. I guess she just didn’t want it enough.

  • HAL 9000

    Colt 45? C’mon, All the classy trash guzzles Natty Lite.

  • JohnQknowitall

    Alcoholics in love… (sung to the tune of Lawyers In Love)

  • Merl Allen

    Sounds justifiable to me, why didn’t they put him in jail?

  • Mistress OfSubs

    I’ve stabbed boyfriends for a lot less.

  • JGo555

    @Cedric… this could’ve been you?

  • techsupp0rt

    Now say it: “I’m white trash and I’m in trouble!”

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