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Woman Pleads Guilty To Lying To Avoid Jury Duty

November 16, 2012 at 10:40 am by  

DENVER, CO — Earlier this year we reported on Susan Cole, the 57-year-old moron who called a radio show to brag about how she got out of jury duty. Hilariously, the judge who excused her was listening to the show. On Tuesday, Cole pleaded guilty to trying to influence a public servant and second-degree perjury.

In October of last year, Judge Mansfield was listening to KOA radio’s Dave Logan Show when a caller by the name of “Char from Denver” called in bragging about how she got out of jury duty a few months earlier. The caller explained how she deliberately dressed in a disheveled and uncoordinated fashion with the intent of appearing mentally unstable.

“I decided not to put my makeup on and I put black eyebrows on. I put bright red lipstick on. I left my hair in my curlers and I put on a t-shirt that said Ask Me About My Best-Seller,” said the caller. “When they asked me about mental issues I got up and said, ‘Yeah, I have some mental issues.’ Then the judge said, ‘Does anyone care if she leaves?’ And everybody else said all at once in a great big voice, ‘No.’ ”

The woman caller said she was drawing stares from fellow jurors, and the judge ended up excusing her. She went on to say that she was a hairdresser and that she and her clients got a good laugh out of how she fooled the judge. But that’s the thing about making such an impression; people remember you.  Judge Mansfield clearly remembered Cole and he was not amused.

He filed a complaint and an arrest warrant was issued for Cole on charges of felony perjury and attempting to influence a public servant.

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Reporters caught up to Cole and asked for her side of the story, and she told them that she isn’t an educated woman and didn’t understand exactly what she did. When asked to elaborate, Cole said, “I don’t want to speak no more. You guys are interrogating me.”

On Tuesday, Cole pleaded guilty to the charges and avoided jail time. Instead, she was given a two-year deferred judgment on the felony count, and two years of probation on the misdemeanor count. She also must perform 40 hours of community service.

It also turns out that Cole is the self-published author of Seven Initiations with El-Way’s Secrets: Seven Initiations, a book that helps readers “deal with difficult relationships and situations” through biblical passages.

(*grunts as he climbs on top of his high horse*)

Personally, as someone who loves jury duty, I feel if someone doesn’t want to act as a juror, let ’em stay home. I know that if I ever found myself facing a juror’s box, I want it full of people like me and not people like Cole. I want intelligent people who recognize the importance of sitting on a jury and are trying their best to fill a very, very important role in our justice system.

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  • JohnQknowitall

    I looked at her book ad on Amazon: the same people who cried outside the British Embassy when Princess Di died and others who watch Nancy Grace on a daily basis apparently do not know the difference between a book review and a personal condemnation. Fucks like these, especially on tech sites and medical sites, should have their fingers removed. They waste our time when we try to find legitimate information. They should be paying their therapists for help with their displaced anger.

    I think she was brilliant up until the radio show.

    Have you ever served on a jury? A jury of your peers? Justice? Hah! My advice for the crime you that have not yet been accused: plead, barter, beg with the DA and then the judge and then the jury (hopefully a jury of nothing, but religious middle aged and older black women unless… well the obvious)… DA’s are ambitious and power hungry with a given paycheck. Judges are jaded. Juries are like a Vegas slot machines: unreasonable and unpredictable pots and losses. And may God have mercy on your soul.

  • Rachel Ann

    Oh now when her ass is busted as a fraud she want’s to play the “I’m too stupid to appreciate my actions card.” What a cunt. That’s what her ass gets. No one really wants to do jury duty but i fyou get the shit out of the way they won’t bother you about it for a while, and you can avoid looking like a dumb ass when your ploy to avoid your civic duty blows up in your face.

  • Andyman

    Don’t you mean Nancy Disgrace? LOL. Everytime I get called, I never make it past the phone call after 5:00 PM. Well, once I did but when I got to the desk to sign in I was excused. Fine by me but I think it might be interesting to serve on it some day. Just hope it isn’t some 6-9 month long murder case… Anybody ever serve on an interesting case?

  • JohnQknowitall

    You have no idea what goes on in people’s heads until they have a little or a lotta power. I am telling you: it is fucking terrifying what your peers can do to you.

  • EveryVillainIsLemons

    I think that Mrs. Doubtfire up there was an idiot for bragging about it, and I hope that her sentence teaches her to either accept the call to jury duty with grace and dignity or keep her mouth shut if she manages to get out of it again.

  • Andyman

    I know having my fate hanging in the balance of the typical American would scare the fuck out of me; especially if I was innocent!

  • I’ve served on a jury five times in my life, two as a foreman, and have been called to jury duty more than twice that. My job as the foreman is one I took seriously, despite the frivolity of the case we were on when compared to, say, a high-profile murder case. As a foreman, I was able to work with a few morons and get them to do their jobs correctly, but 99 percent of the time I was with people who understood what they were doing and had no issues following the judge’s instructions.

  • I’ve served on a jury five times in my life, two as a foreman, and have been called to jury duty more than twice that. My job as the foreman is one I took seriously, despite the frivolity of the case we were on when compared to, say, a high-profile murder case. As a foreman, I was able to work with a few morons and get them to do their jobs correctly, but 99 percent of the time I was with people who understood what they were doing and had no issues following the judge’s instructions.

  • JohnQknowitall

    I hear what you are saying and I am glad things worked for you and those accused in your cases. My experience is that most people are easily distracted, fatigued and have made up their minds prior to the end of the trial. I have heard people on more than one occasion allude to, but not say the defendant “looks guilty” (in both those cases the defendants were definitely innocent and the verdict was in both cases innocent – thank God). Some people are easily swayed by stronger personalities. Some people are head choppers. Some people are angry. Some are fucks. Some are indecisive. On one jury I was so hated (can you believe that?) because I knew I had heard something in testimony; it took forever (about 1.5 hours) to find, but I found it and that defendant ended up being not guilty. Morbid you are probably are a terrific juror, but I get really stressed knowing that the next several years of another person’s life are up to “what I think” and what others on that jury think. Unfortunately some people think more of the rash on their asses than they do of justice. Even if I were not morally opposed to the death penalty, being on a jury has proven to me just how faulty our opinions (yes opinions) can be… even if one or more jurors takes their positions seriously. I will add that I have no doubt that at least 75% of the people understand the instructions, but in my cases it is far less than 75% that follow them as a responsible adult should… and this scares the fuck out of me.

  • Wolf_of_Mars

    If I were wrongly accused of a crime, I’d rather have twelve of you & John on that jury than one of her in the mix. Service on a jury isn’t a price to be paid, it’s an honor & an opportunity to participate in a decisive part of American jurisprudence as a lay person.

  • chikonanklemonitor

    My lawyer told me that jurors in federal cases generally want to feel like that did their “civil duty” by finding people guilty. Did you know it only takes 2 people for a conspiracy? Also,to get found guilty of conspiracy you only have to know and agree to someone ELSE’s criminal activity. You don’t have to participate or ever even see them doing it, you just have to “know” about it. Read some of the horror stories on FAMM sometime if you want to know what is really going on in our court system…….. ughhhh
    This isn’t the first person to “get out” of jury duty, she was just dumb enough to admit it.

  • newstarshipsmell

    Only done it once, thank God it got me out of checking gay pornos in and out at the video store for a couple days. We had a non-English speaking middle-aged Mexican woman as plaintiff suing a 70-something black man for a traffic accident and medical expenses – showed up to trial with the neck brace and everything. Their sole witness got the time of day, lighting and weather conditions, and sequence of traffic light signals all “wrong” compared to the plaintiff’s testimony… lol. Despite this, we had two jurors, a Latino and some Eastern European guy, who both wanted to side with the plaintiff, I guess out of sympathy and whatnot. I actually had to have the bailiff go consult the judge, because while I know that you can’t do shit like go visit the scene of a crime or otherwise conduct your own research during trial, I wasn’t sure if my own foreknowledge of the particular intersection’s atypical traffic light configuration was allowable to use in making a determination – the judge sent him back with a green light, so I drew a diagram on the chalkboard and laid out why is was impossible for the accident to occur as the plaintiff was claiming. The two holdouts quickly converted in the face of reality. Afterwards, talking to the defense attorney, I explained how we reached our verdict, and mentioned that I was bored out of my mind listening to a day of medical testimony when the plaintiff had pretty much already blown their case with their witness, but admitted I understood that’s just how these things work.

  • First world problems….
    I wouldn’t be able to contain myself. “Hey!” *waves arms over head* Look! I’m on the jury and it’s really easy! I just sit here and listen!” *Two thumbs up with exaggerated smile on my face*

  • Athena

    I’ve been called for jury duty twice but have never been able to participate due to various hardships at the time. I hated that I had to turn down a spot. Fuck this lady.

    That said, as someone with a deep respect for the gravity of the criminal justice system and the very significant role even a single juror plays, I’m right with Morbid – let this bitch stay home.

    Now, I work for a company who will pay me 100% of my wage if called to jury duty, even if it’s a capital or similarly lengthy case. I’m really, really, REALLY hoping I get called again, now. Of course, the last time I had to turn down jury duty was to interview for my current position (less than a year ago), so I’m not holding my breath.

  • newstarshipsmell

    Consider the alternatives to our criminal justice system – suddenly it seems a whole lot less scary…

  • JohnQknowitall

    Nope. It is still terrifying… more terrifying than Europe where the death penalty is banned and there is a limit on punishments in general. BTW to say the US gives you more than any other country is wrong. We were the mavericks, but others have past us in that race.

  • newstarshipsmell

    Sorry, I mean to imply a contrast to might-makes-right justice, not compare the US system to others around the world.

  • Clyde The Dog

    She should have just explained why she didn’t want to sit on a jury or whatever truthfully and not made a mockery out of the court and Judge…putting on a show for a radio station, blabbering about how “funny” she is is what got her kooky ass in trouble. I know for my future trials, I would want only sound minded fair and kind people to convict me of whatever fun I get myself into.
    But seriously, aren’t you glad this woman wasn’t on the jury? I think she did whoever a favor by taking herself out of the prospects.

  • CT

    I love getting called for jury duty. Gets me out of work, pays for my parking and lunch and I still get paid to be at work. It’s a win, win for me and I live near a federal court and those are fun, fun, fun trials.

  • Rachel Ann

    I doubt being a lazy bitch is a good enough reason to get out of jury duty.

  • Clyde The Dog

    If you were defending your life would you want a lazy bitch on your jury?

  • LuvsHorror

    I very much want to serve on a jury, and the two times I’ve been called, both got cancelled.

  • BEastDuo

    I have never been called for Jury duty, but I did work in the court system closely with bailiffs and the Judges that chose jurists. You would be surprised the flimsyist excuses people would use to get out of it…but I for once wish I had the chance. My twin sister has been called three times, go figure.

  • cherrybubblesbonbon

    hmm… okay, hands up anybody who would want this dozy old crone having ANY part in a trial they or their loved ones were unfortunate enough to be involved in…?

  • Clyde The Dog

    And she didn’t seem lazy to me either. She went out of her way to act like a nutty fuck.

  • JGo555

    My mother taught me that bragging is a bad thing.

  • Jenn

    What an idiot. I had Jury Duty once, but I got excused because the guy on trail was someone that I went to high school with and his lawyer didn’t like that fact.. go figure. But I was excited when I got called. Glad to see I’m not the only one who was excited at the possibility of serving on a Jury.