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Jersey Man Takes Dump In Police Car Then Eats Own FingerJersey City, NJ – Jargget Washington, 29, was arrested Sunday night while reportedly being nude, belligerent, and sky-high on PCP.

He had reportedly attempted to pull a driver out of a car, but failed when the man fought back.  So much for that super-human strength PCP is supposed to give a dude.

Police were able to subdue Washington and transfer him to Jersey City Medical Center where he started acting up again, spitting at officers, chewing at his own wrists in an attempt to free himself, and devouring his medical ID bracelet.

He was eventually cleared for transfer to Hudson County Jail while still in his medical gown.  On the way, he dropped a deuce in the police cruiser, which is something cops really seem to relish.

And, as we all know, an evacuation of one’s bowels can really work up a voracious appetite.  Washington answered his body’s call for food by prompting him to eat his own finger right off his hand.  Yeah, he swallowed it too.  If you’ve had enough, you may now proceed to the comments section to submit your most inappropriate “dark meat” jokes.

Washington’s nosh signaled the authorities to send him back to the hospital where they may be waiting for him to insert his finger in his ass from the completely wrong direction.

Our hero sports two previous charges dating back to 2007 and 2009 where he was implicated in a conspiracy to distribute drugs on school property.  His latest debacle earns him charges of carjacking, throwing bodily fluids at law enforcement officers, and being under the influence of a controlled dangerous substance.

When asked what was going to happen to Washington’s finger, a completely fictitious doctor merely responded, “This too shall pass.”

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Comments


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  • brandi

    ha, that would be one to leave in the toilet for someone else to find.

  • JGo555

    I was about to go: “Oh bath salts,you!” While wearing a reminiscing smile.

  • SayAunt

    Well, if that isn’t a finger food recipe for Martha Stewart…

  • NY_Mommy

    Sooooo, he couldn’t wrestle someone out of their car but he could chew off and eat his own finger? I think I’ll just stick to my heavy drinking and pot.

  • http://www.facebook.com/velvetrooster Velvet Rooster Jones

    GULP! he took “finger licking good” to a whole new level

  • OutOfBubbleGum

    “Tags: bodily fluids, Carjacking, Drugs, Jargget Washington, New Jersey, PCP, self-cannibalism”Self-cannibalism? If he eats off his hands and arms first, doesn’t this defeat his self cannibalism effort?

  • newstarshipsmell

    I prefer breasts, but to each their own.

  • Evan Oswald

    shakes hands with beef!

  • iheartpetepuma

    Maybe he’s on a diet.

  • iheartpetepuma

    Nobody better lay a finger on my Butterfinger.

  • tinalib13

    I could tell by your avatar you’re a breast man. ;)

  • tinalib13

    I call the “finger lickin’ good” joke! Ha!

  • Whatevn

    New Jersey! What are we, Florida?!

  • LeaveMeBe

    I don’t even wanna know where that finger had been before he ate it…especially considering he had evacuated his bowels just prior to this…

  • sugarpie

    He must have some experience swallowing large objects. I’m choking at the thought of a finger going down my throat.

  • daMonBrooks

    yeah, The worst thing I’ve ever done is play video games until midnight, and be too drunk to get more beer.

  • Regularjoe

    You eat breasts?

  • Rachel Ann

    I hope they burned that cop car. seriously. There is no cleaning up after a shit like I’m sure he took. I bet it was rank. Ugh just thinking about it is making me gag.

  • LadyLeopard

    Your avatar is a visual depiction of ‘A Tale of Two Boobs’. Now someone needs to write the book. :P

  • Andyman

    Or out of my boo boo!

  • Gee

    The visuals this story produced are killing me Yuk… gag… glossy eyes

  • tinalib13

    Hahaha! You said “boo boo”! :-D

  • tinalib13

    Ohhhh damn LMB!! You just had to go there didn’t you!

  • Andyman

    Finger lick’n good is one thing – but finger eat’n good? Perhaps he had just spent some quality time with Mrs. Jargget Washington? Ewwww…..

  • http://www.truecrimereport.com CallMeMister

    Aww angel dust, how retro. I wonder if he’s a hipster too?

  • Sam

    Dumb dipshit. It’s PULL my finger, then FART. Sheesh, it’s not THAT difficult, is it??

  • Stephan D. Harris

    For some reason I always picture a white guy when I think of cannibalism

  • newstarshipsmell

    *nom nom nom*

  • newstarshipsmell

    There’s likely a multiple number of adult films named that.

  • newstarshipsmell

    I can speculate where that finger had been, for you. Would you like me to?

  • newstarshipsmell

    Hahaha. PCP must be amazing.

  • Zazen

    I’m very partial to wings, myself.

  • JohnQknowitall

    Another “that will never happen to me” episode.

  • LeaveMeBe

    If I didn’t, NSSS would have and I can’t let him have all the fun.

  • LeaveMeBe

    No. Just… no.

  • LeaveMeBe

    No. Just… no.

  • newstarshipsmell

    no + no = yes…

  • newstarshipsmell

    I’ll be sure to pass that along to your namesake when she stops layin’.

  • Zazen

    Alas, Malq tells me Zazen became some critter’s dinner a while back. They didn’t even save me a wing.

  • Bop

    a completely fictitious doctor merely responded, “This too shall pass.”

    Then the prophecy will be fulfilled…

  • LeaveMeBe

    Why did you have a chicken named after you?

  • LeaveMeBe

    Quit doing guy math and just take it at face value. No means no.

  • newstarshipsmell

    Except when it means yes.

  • LeaveMeBe

    I am expecting an awesome Christmas present from you. If you’re going to annoy me as much as my little brother does, you’re going to pay for it, just like he does.

  • Zazen

    Well LMB, I’m glad you asked; allow me to tell you a tale of my people…

    Actually, only Malq has that answer. I like to tell myself he names random critters after me because of my awesomeness. There are other theories I have, but they’re all pretty bizarre.

  • Pipsmom06

    I find it a little funny that there is a whole separate charge for throwing bodily fluids at an officer. It wouldn’t be a separate charge unless it was a pretty frequent occurrence.

  • weeman

    actually, biting off your finger is as easy as biting into a carrot. most people dont because our brains tell us it hurts.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Charlie-Bacardi/100000820797246 Charlie Bacardi

    pcp

  • http://hawtmamas.wordpress.com/ hawtmamma

    in ancient Rome it was customary when entering a bath house spa to evacuate ones bowels as a display of good health. The feces would be carefully observed for parasites and/or other unhealthy signs.

  • Whatevn

    Seriously, everytime I see this mug shot, it freaks me out. It looks ALOT like my dad AND I livei n NJ -_-;

    I cant wait till this is burried away

  • G.I.R.L.

    You better check your dad for drugs and a missing finger.

  • Bill Legato

    Ooga booga, ooga booga booga!

  • http://reddit.com/ Gurthy Rick

    It’s a Jersey thing.

  • LatinoComedian

    Classic Jargget…

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