Jersey City, NJ – Jargget Washington, 29, was arrested Sunday night while reportedly being nude, belligerent, and sky-high on PCP.
He had reportedly attempted to pull a driver out of a car, but failed when the man fought back. So much for that super-human strength PCP is supposed to give a dude.
Police were able to subdue Washington and transfer him to Jersey City Medical Center where he started acting up again, spitting at officers, chewing at his own wrists in an attempt to free himself, and devouring his medical ID bracelet.
He was eventually cleared for transfer to Hudson County Jail while still in his medical gown. On the way, he dropped a deuce in the police cruiser, which is something cops really seem to relish.
And, as we all know, an evacuation of one’s bowels can really work up a voracious appetite. Washington answered his body’s call for food by prompting him to eat his own finger right off his hand. Yeah, he swallowed it too. If you’ve had enough, you may now proceed to the comments section to submit your most inappropriate “dark meat” jokes.
Washington’s nosh signaled the authorities to send him back to the hospital where they may be waiting for him to insert his finger in his ass from the completely wrong direction.
Our hero sports two previous charges dating back to 2007 and 2009 where he was implicated in a conspiracy to distribute drugs on school property. His latest debacle earns him charges of carjacking, throwing bodily fluids at law enforcement officers, and being under the influence of a controlled dangerous substance.
When asked what was going to happen to Washington’s finger, a completely fictitious doctor merely responded, “This too shall pass.”