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Des Moines, IA – 30-year-old Joshua Pinney was arrested on June 26th at a Bank of America location while attempting to obtain another man’s debit card.  Unfortunately for him, the bank manager on duty was suspicious of the disguise, as well as the fact that he looked absolutely nothing like the picture on the identification card he was attempting to use.

The man on the card was a legitimate customer of the bank whose car had been stolen with the ID card inside and had had the foresight to flag his account to prevent retards like Pinney from attempting to use it.

Pinney’s story for the bank manager was that he was on a business trip and required a new debit card.  Also, he had been in an accident and needed to sit down with a glass of water to ease the pain of his injuries.  The police were already on their way.

When the authorities arrived, Pinney attempted to stick to his story until the officer holding the ID card in question asked him if he seriously thought he could pass for the man in its picture.  He reportedly simply hung his head and said, “I know.”

Later, Pinney admitted that he was not the man in the picture, that he hadn’t been in an accident, that his brother’s friend had given him the ID after stealing it, and that the whole scheme was concocted by his “computer whiz” girlfriend who possessed the ability to hack into bank accounts online.

And now you’re probably wondering why a woman who was capable of stealing money from the comfort of a nice squishy chair in front of a computer screen would need her boyfriend to pull this type of stunt.  I have no answer for you.  Chalk it up to one of life’s great mysteries or her desire to see him go back to prison for a while.

Oh, and did I mention that Pinney met his girlfriend, who had purportedly been waiting for him outside the bank, while in a court-mandated work release program from prison?

Pinney’s story is a little old, but it’s getting a bit of press now because he recently failed to appear in court on the second-degree identity theft charge he’s facing.

Apologies for the “light” story here, but it’s slim pickings this morning.

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Comments


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  • Sam

    BWAHAHAHA!
    FFS, man, if you’re going to go all out when it comes to a disguise, at least try to make yourself look like the man in the ID picture!

  • JohnQknowitall

    Get a pic of the girlfriend and i think you have a great story. I am guessing this guy must have attributes not visible in this pic suchas “will do anything his girlfriend says” and possibly one other.

  • Sam

    What good would the debit card have done anyway? Wouldn’t the accompanying PIN number have had to be sent to the account holder’s address? So even if he had the debit card, he still wouldn’t have been able to get any money out. I’m betting this was just the girlfriend’s way of breaking up with him. Especcially if she was the one who taped the mop to the top of his head.

  • tinalib13

    Arrrggghhh!! It’s Bluebeard the Pirate!! WTF??

  • malq

    LOl It looks like he was trying to disguise himself as me. I need to flag my voluminous accounts with more than 3 dollars.

  • malq

    I think it’s pretty good as it is! lol

  • malq

    what is with the blue beard? he has to be mentally ill.

  • JohnQknowitall

    Yeah, but think about this: underneath the bs costume he is not a bad looking guy, but still on the “dented can” shelf. She has brains (supposedly) and is a little controlling. Imagine the many ways she might look (ugly, hot, fat, slightly flawed, mousey, ???) , throw in some “built in” prejudices and you have another interesting story.

  • Gee

    All I have is Jack Ass for this one. Good looking out on flagging the accounts but they were never in any danger given this guys IQ.

  • sweekymom

    I think I just found this year’s Halloween costume.

  • NY_Mommy

    He reminds me of an Oompa Loompa

  • CT

    What he really said was “my girlfriend who sits in front of the computer eating copious amounts of cheese whiz.” She has a lifestyle that needs to be maintained properly and he just needed to keep her in canned cheese.

  • newstarshipsmell

    Considering the rest of his “plan,” I would say that this flaw in his reasoning is rather beside the point. Best spend your effort here simply joking about the situation rather than trying to analyze it.

  • newstarshipsmell

    Ha! I thought the same thing. My only question is, should I go with or without the handcuffs?

  • Sam

    How wrong is it that i’m sitting here wondering if the carpet matches the drapes?

  • newstarshipsmell

    What he really said was “my girlfriend who sits in front of the computer eatingproducing copious amounts of cheese whiz.” ~fixed.

  • CT

    I think this one can go either way.

  • newstarshipsmell

    It wouldn’t surprise me if he wore a silver merkin, on the off chance he was detained by police and strip searched, to prevent that very discrepancy from giving away his “disguise.”

  • Sam

    *dreads to ask*
    Merkin?

  • newstarshipsmell

    It’s like a hair piece, but for your crotch.

    “Merkin (first use 1617) is a pubic wig. Merkins were originally worn by prostitutes after shaving their genitalia, and are now used as decorative items, erotic devices, or in films, by both men and women.”
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Merkin

  • Sam

    Why, does mental illness manifest itself in a blue rinse? Actually, given some of the geriatrics in my neighbourhood, you may be right.

  • Sam

    You know entirely too much about the unsavoury side of life.

  • Sam

    Well, ehh… it would certainly give you an edge when playing strip-poker?

  • OutOfBubbleGum

    Goal – Infinite Wealth
    Plan – Steal Bank Pens and Resell on E-Bay
    Master Plan A – Distract Bank Manager & Police while GF takes pens.

  • Gee

    I will remember this tidbit the next time I play strip poker. Nope… Not out yet I still have my Merkin :o)~

  • sweekymom

    Definitely with the handcuffs. Without the handcuffs, you’re just another accident victim in an ill-fitting suit on his way to see a personal injury lawyer. That’s not so much a costume as it is sordid everyday life.

    With the handcuffs, you’re a master of disguise, evil genius with a brilliant computer hacker girlfriend.

  • Reen B

    Y’all, click the link and scope out the full-length mugshot…I can hardly type for the tears rolling out of my eyes.

  • newstarshipsmell

    Well, if you can wear one merkin, then I see no reason why you couldn’t wear two, or three, or a dozen, etc. This could quickly escalate into an arms race of pubic wigs that ends with the International Strip Poker Association (Stripnet) sending gynoids back in time from the year 2035 to assassinate you before you ruin strip poker forever.

  • tinalib13

    You have got to stop reading so much science fiction my friend. ;)

  • tinalib13

    So you think he died it blue? hmmmm…

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=736546181 Michael Heldman

    Blue-gray hair on the side, black hair coming out of the top. His girlfriend couldn’t wait to send him to jail. When the cops showed up he should have said, “trick or treat” then try to play it off.

  • LeaveMeBe

    I feel so trashy that I knew what this was. *hangs head in shame*

  • LeaveMeBe

    Y’all are all focusing on his hair color and I’m laughing myself silly at the bandages and shit from his fake accident. Hahaha!

  • newstarshipsmell

    I’m proud of you.

  • newstarshipsmell

    I wonder if he considered the “it was all just a big social experiment” excuse. That shit probably would’ve sounded more plausible to me than the actual truth.

  • Pipsmom06

    He set the bar so low that in order for anyone to beat this, they will have to wear a paper bag over their head…or a pair of those glasses with the nose and mustache attached.

  • Rachel Ann

    Dressed like that he could have got a month long supply of Oxy from a chiro plus two months of refills. Instead he looks like a dumbass.

  • Sam

    Of course you’d have to remember to not secure said merkin in place with too sticky sticky glue, or the final ‘derobement’ might come accompanied by a bloodcurdling scream…

  • Sam

    Not so much ‘think’, more ‘hope’.

  • ultracreep

    That was so bad he may as well have just made a copy of the ID picture, cut it out and pasted it on a bag he put over his head. Might have actually been better.

  • tinalib13

    Shit, I think that’s admirable LMB! You’re knowledgable like NSSS!!

  • Texas Ranger

    I just can’t help but look at him and want to just punch him in the nose, but I’m worried his pube-stache would come off on my fist.

  • LeaveMeBe

    It’s mostly from reading on here, not by choice. But, thanks? :P

  • tinalib13

    Believe me, I have gotten a thorough education on this site! And what are D’D mates for? <3

  • LeaveMeBe

    *hugs* We’ll go to therapy together.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=606239068 Anthony Mandich

    wow this guy is such a clown…..

  • slavesher

    and thats why I love you Sam…..

  • Gee

    Ouch…..

  • Heather_Habilatory

    She IS a genius. This is a fantastic way to get rid of your parolee idiot boyfriend.

  • JGo555

    I will assume that everyone in Halloween will truly believe I am a witch if I put on a pointy hat. Well they’ll believe I have magic powers compared to this idiot’s “costume”.

  • LeaveMeBe

    I used Nair roll-on wax for the first time a couple of weeks ago. No screaming involved. I couldn’t catch my breath enough to scream.

  • Sam

    LMAO! Been there, done that, beat in husbands brain pan for pointing and laughing like an idiot…

  • LeaveMeBe

    I pulled vertical instead of horizontal on the first one, so the right side looked like I had one long-ass hickey. Oh, did I mention I did this just a couple of days for our week long stay at the beach? Yep. I told hubby that everyone was looking at my bikini area and thinking, “DAYUM, what did they get up to?” :)

  • newstarshipsmell

    That’s almost as funny as the Icy-Hot. Almost.

  • Bop

    The illegitimate son of the Tin-man.

  • LeaveMeBe

    I’d be hard pressed to decide which was the worst, but I’d probably say the Icy-Hot.

  • Twisted1

    If you squint your eyes just enough he kinda looks like Ben Affleck on drugs.

  • JustBrowsingLife

    You said merkin..hee haw. I was going to wear one for Halloween.

  • JustBrowsingLife

    Hair for the bald pubic misfortunates.

  • JustBrowsingLife

    Sorry. I should have read down a little further in the comments. I did, however, let the DD public find out my knowledge in the pubic accessory department. Hee hee. I love a good balding story.

  • JustBrowsingLife

    Nothing unsavory at all about this subject…darn right embarrassing…the comb over doesn’t fool even my pets.

  • JustBrowsingLife

    Take it from one in the know….super glue is mo picnic either. I am nor mature enough for this story. Too many school yard humor opportunities to be had.

  • JustBrowsingLife

    Yikes! * crossing legs*

  • JustBrowsingLife

    Lmao. I got so distracted with the merkin talk I forgot what the original story was about. That’s what I like about DD. There is always an opportunity for an underlying story to be made, completely off the wall and divinely perverse.

  • JustBrowsingLife

    Sorry. I down voted you by accident. Phukin tiny buttons anyway. If I could give you two ups I would.

  • BrizeeGyrl

    He is definitely giving the Easter Bunny a run for his money …