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Man Arrested Naked and Covered in Crisco

August 13, 2012 at 8:19 am by  

Rock Island, RI – Chad William Forber, 41, was arrested early last Monday morning when police responded to a call about a naked man wandering about.

When officers arrived, Forber was reportedly covered from head to toe in Crisco cooking spray “looking for a place to party.”  Police allege that he was carrying his shorts and the spray can with him at the time of his arrest, and said that he’d taken his shorts off because they were too big and would not stay on.

I’m a little unclear on what type of party starts with a beefy, completely lubed-up, naked dude, but I’m going to hazard a guess that I’d rather not be there, as surprise butt-sex would more-than-likely be on the menu.  Just look at that pouty, come-hither look in his mugshot.

When the cops searched Forber’s shorts, they say they found a small amount of a substance they believed to be methamphetamine.  He was charged with resisting a peace officer and possession of drug paraphernalia, both Class A misdemeanors that carry a jail sentence of up to one year.

There was also a charge of lewd exposure, but that was apparently dismissed…perhaps because he is hung like a gnat and his pubes were obscuring his junk?  One might only ponder.

He is being held on $40,000 bond.  I’ve mailed him a 20 tubes of AstroGlide.  It washes off easier and has a “more natural” feel.

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  • Trapp Mountain

    Just one more reason why drugs are so alluring.

  • SayAunt

    My guess, butter flavored.

  • JGo555

    That is one greasy fat bastard.

  • JGo555

    Ihad to be captain obvious.

  • EveryVillainIsLemons

    Maybe he wanted to have a greased pig wrestling contest and got the concept slightly wrong?

  • Sam

    He must have been in handcuffs when that mugshot was taken. That look in his eyes and those pouty lips are just screaming for a tantalizing finger in the corner of his mouth to complete the image.

  • Sam Wright

    When you’re trying to get a PhD in fraternity hazing, things like this a bound to happen doing research.

  • NY_Mommy

    Maybe his shorts couldn’t stay on after he sprayed himself down.

  • guillotinegirl

    What a tragedy. The poor Crisco!

  • slavesher

    My parties usually start with alcohol and END with cooking spray and king sized plastic sheet and NEVER involve chunky dudes who take “duck lips” pictures…… oh Chad, you’re doing it wrong…

  • bored_stiff

    I prefer Pam for my body spraying needs.

  • bored_stiff

    Or the pig had a lucky break and got away.

  • captaingrumpy

    Uncle John , what are you doing over there with Dad.????

  • unimpeachablegoodguy

    He should have kept his dirty PORK SWORD in his pants!

  • JohnQknowitall

    Jesus Christ Almighty! How in hell can a 41 year old look so close to 60?

  • Anna Hall Grillot

    Ick, I could totally picture it…

  • Quintin Jordon

    It is obvious this man was going to a costume party as a LARD ASS. . . Oh, Crisco? . . . Semi-Lard Ass?