Good day, sickos. I want to thank all of you for your calls and emails inquiring about my well-being and offering sex at various public parks. But fear not, I am just on a much-deserved, much-needed vacation. Although I am off this week, I will be writing up some stuff off and on while finally being able to focus on some DD house cleaning. I'll also have time to respond to some of you interested in writing. In the meantime, be sure to check out the forums for the latest in terrible news.

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Rye Brook, NY — A woman in New York has been accused of breaking into the home of a woman she claims her husband has been having an affair with and then sexually assaulting the alleged mistress in front of the victim’s young child.

Police say 40-year-old Giovana Osorio arrived at the vicim’s home at around 3:30 a.m. Saturday and tried to break in through a kitchen window. Being too short to climb through, she opted to use a key she had for the front door. Her husband did contract worked on the home and Osorio copied the key he used to get inside. But according to Osorio, her husband wasn’t just working inside the home. He was also having an affair with the woman who lived inside it.

That’s why police say she was breaking into the home that night. She was hoping to catch her husband in the act. What Osorio didn’t know was that her husband really was working late that night, and wasn’t at the home. The only two people Osorio encountered when she busted into an upstairs bedroom were the victim, and the victim’s 4-year-old child, in bed sleeping.

The victim woke up as Osorio began beating her ass in front of her child. According to police, Osorio grabbed the victim’s hair, punched and kicked her, and bit her on the nose. She then pushed the victim down on the bed and proceeded to sexually violate the woman with her fingers while shouting, “Is this the way you did it with my husband?”

Osorio fled and the victim called police. Responding officers would find Osorio just outside of the victim’s home and arrest her. She was charged with second-degree burglary, two counts of second-degree assault, and second-degree aggravated sexual assault. Osorio is being held on bail of $250,000 bond. Osorio has admitted to beating the woman, claiming the victim has been having an affair with her husband for five years, but adamantly denies sexually assaulting her.

“Yes, we did fight, I pulled her hair, I hit her,” Osorio told reporters outside of the courthouse this morning. “I lost control in the moment. It was a moment of insanity. I did not sexually assault her. That’s a lie.”

Osorio’s case was adjourned until Aug. 14, at the request of her lawyer.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/timothymatthewmurphy brain_bomb

    I hope she had the decency to at least put some make-up on first!

  • tinalib13

    It wouldn’t have helped. **shudder**

  • Heather4877

    I’m sure her husband will have some difficulty landing contracting jobs from here on out.

  • sugarpie

    She obviously is as dumb as she is jealous. If she was trying to catch the old man in the act and he wasn’t there, she had the wrong girl.

  • http://twitter.com/Bigcced Cedric

    “Yes, we did fight, I pulled her hair, I hit her,” Osorio told reporters outside of the courthouse this morning. “I lost control in the moment. It was a moment of insanity. I did not sexually assault her. That’s a
    lie.”

    Hmm … I wonder if the police were able to obtain DNA evidence from the suspects fist.It must really suck to wake up to some chick shoving a fist up your snatch …

  • http://twitter.com/Bigcced Cedric

    Hmm … what about the possibility that the husband was actually not cheating ?

  • http://twitter.com/Bigcced Cedric

    I

  • tinalib13

    What she did was horrible enough, but to do it in front of a four yr. old child is despicable.

  • bored_stiff

    Unless you can consider a paper bag make up.

  • curiousalways

    I’m short and encounter the same problem when trying to break into houses. Those pesky tall kitchen windows. Would you people just please mail me the keys to your front doors to alleviate this problem for me? Of course I like to draw unnecessary attention to myself so I will probably try to climb through the kitchen window first anyway.

  • http://www.facebook.com/dre.mosley Dre Mosley

    Cops should have sniffed her fingers for evidence.

  • tinalib13

    Oh Ced I sure do hope so. I can totally see wanting to kick the mistresses ass (well except for the finger fucking thing–gross) but she could’ve dragged her from the room or something. That poor kid. Thanks for making me feel better though. <3

  • tinalib13

    That made me giggle!

  • creamofflicka

    I spit a bit of coffee on the keyboard when I read that… Bravo!

  • tinalib13

    I’ve found that a keyboard cover is a good investment if you’re gonna be a daily D’D reader. :) Oh, and some wipes for your screen.

  • curiousalways

    then my work here is done :)

  • newstarshipsmell

    Don’t forget Poise Pads.

  • curiousalways

    yep, me too!

  • tinalib13

    Well don’t go anywhere. I’d like to giggle some more… :-D

  • tinalib13

    lol how could I forget that?? Especially for when I read your posts! ;-)

  • curiousalways

    you know I won’t-this place is more addicting than crack!!!

  • newstarshipsmell

    “Osorio fled…” by rappelling out the bedroom window, or did she just use the front door this time?

  • tinalib13

    That comment made me cross my legs and squeeze Ced.

  • tinalib13

    You got that right!

  • OutOfBubbleGum

    “Osorio has admitted to beating the woman, claiming the victim has been having an affair with her husband for five years, but adamantly denies sexually assaulting her.”

    Five years for a contractor to finish a job?!!?!?! What was he doing? installing cable TV? Was he the only one to flush the basement toilet? Did he use solar-dying glue in the basement? did he install a security systen to identify rapists or intense sexual role play? Did he not activate the crazy jelous wife feature?

    Well, thankfully, because of his wife’s acticns, he’ll ONLY be allowed there when the victum is home

  • sugarpie

    And then there’s that. But if he wasn’t home at 3:30 a.m. and she was out looking for him, just where was he?

  • Valerie

    That’s what I use when I go out.

  • http://www.facebook.com/timothymatthewmurphy brain_bomb

    And a “gigantic bottle of lubbbbe”.

  • http://www.facebook.com/timothymatthewmurphy brain_bomb

    Make-up or the paper bag? I find it extremely difficult to receive oral when ladies use a paper bag so I definitely prefer just make-up.

  • Andyman

    That’s what I was thinking as well. 5 year project?

  • CT

    Send me your address. I am tall so I may just climb into your window to bring them to you, OK?

  • Eliza Berntsen

    Maybe it was something that had been spread over 5 years- like jobs being done when there’s money to do them. Or he was building another Neverland.

  • curiousalways

    well ok, but once inside the house keep your hands to yourself missy!!! :)

  • Gee

    Ha Ha too funny

  • Gee

    Nasty Bitch… You know damn well she finger banged her and liked it! She is just a trapped closet lesbian
    finding her out of the closet the hard way

  • EveryVillainIsLemons

    If I was married to a crazy woman like that, I’d probably cheat, too.

    I just hope that the poor kid slept through the assault. That would have been a horrible thing to witness.

  • OutOfBubbleGum

    Eliza Berntsen, you are an absolute genious. It’s an honor to work with you.

    Just suppose his mistress was a devote Catholic. Suppose, too, the she could never afford a trip to see the vadican and the Pope. Forevermore, what if, five years ago, when she initially became pregnant she toured an art gallery and found a painter that she simply fell in love with. Car horns, gang fights, police chases, and corner hot dog vendors, never disrupt a single stroke of his.

    The Stage is Set. The victim contracts with this painter to recreate Michelangelo’s fresco Sistine Chapel ceiling painted circa.

    On that fateful night, Giovana Osorio’s husband was naked. His paint brush in hand finalizing God outstretched finger to Adam who was the last image to paint.

  • onlyme356

    “It was a moment of insanity” No bitch, if it was insanity you wouldn’t be conniving enough to plan an entire break in. Let’s call it for what it is, sheer hatred and wrath because your husband preferred to sleep with someone else who wasn’t as dog faced as you. Look, I’ve been cheated on in the past, but it makes no sense to get mad at the woman. It’s the person cheating who’s an ass.

  • onlyme356

    Pretty sure the 5 year job had more to do with the scapegoat he used to keep screwing the mistress. Oh did I miss a bit of spackle in the bedroom? Be right over! I’m pretty amused with her mugshot too. She still looks pissed, because now she’ll have even less control over how often he spends time “at work”.

  • Texas Ranger

    I wonder what her husband would have stuck his fingers into if it was her having the affair.

  • Snickering x Hydra

    ” She then pushed the victim down on the bed and proceeded to sexually
    violate the woman with her fingers while shouting, “Is this the way you
    did it with my husband?” ‘

    I was going to make this part up, but it’s already in the story…

  • tinalib13

    Ewwww thanks for that visual Ranger.

  • The_Yeti_Knows

    Stiffy, in your case as Hungarian drag queen of Clitorivania….. we call paper,plastic, and paper again.

  • The_Yeti_Knows

    In your case, you should settle for the aluminum glory hole.

  • The_Yeti_Knows

    Sounds like you’ve made room in the crowded spank bank.

  • The_Yeti_Knows

    Speaking of crack, anyone seen, heard or smelled pikeman today? I fear he broke into the wrong house and is chained to a furnace somewhere.

  • The_Yeti_Knows

    They’re hiring, somewhere in your resume you’ve likely referred to skills and experience sniffing fingers? Like that time I drove the whole way home with mine out the car window.

  • bored_stiff

    Hey Fagarella, don’t take your penis ache out on me. Go see your uncle Clem, he’ll help you out….here we call pails, steel ones too, as plastic tends to deteriorate due to your stinkable molly brown odor.

  • bored_stiff

    Still safer to use the paper bag (in case she looks up), just cut a hole in it or make her lick out a hole. This eliminates the guesswork of lining the hole up.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jenniferlruffing Jen Ruffing

    Ewww.. LOL

  • The_Yeti_Knows

    You okay today stiffy? You seem snarly….. oh I know.. that badassed coldsore keep you from your job at Burger King again?

  • The_Yeti_Knows

    Just kidding Jenny, I stopped and splashed some gasoline on email when fillin up…. fools the wife every time… she cant figure out how I always get the 91 octane on the wang every Friday night though….think she’s catchin on.

  • bored_stiff

    It pisses me off when I miss my shift due to the results of doing your sister, at your request, I might add. Remember our slogan “It takes two hands to handle a Whopper. Get two fisted at Burger King.”

  • bored_stiff

    That’s why the neighborhood smelled like Miss Piggy. I’ll be damned, Kermit was right.

  • The_Yeti_Knows

    Just to cheer you uo I’ve made a few calls to the dept of the Navy… They’re gonna name a new sphincter class one girl submarine after you… We all wish the SS Buttplug many long moistly successful voyages.

  • bored_stiff

    From what your wife tells me, octane levels aren’t helping you much, but the homeless guys under the bridge appreciate it though.

  • The_Yeti_Knows

    Im a pretty handy dude with a wrench, that’s the one that controls the TV right? Call me.

  • The_Yeti_Knows

    How unusual for you :)

  • The_Yeti_Knows

    I usually pretend Im sleep-driving.

  • The_Yeti_Knows

    Some finger banging isn’t beneath you?

  • The_Yeti_Knows

    Stiffy if you were a Jamaican runner they’d call you “insane dolt “

  • bored_stiff

    If you were a Jamaican Yeti, they’d call you Pancoot.

  • bored_stiff

    Speaking of sphincters, I hear that once again you are providing the refreshments at

    Sphincterpalooza. From 1987 to 2012, one must congratulate you for your dedication. These yearly gatherings must seem like a family reunion to you before you go to your real one.

  • Valerie

    Paper bag. I’m what is known as a double bagger though. You’d wear one over your head just in case mine falls off. Also, paper is really easy to cut holes in.

  • The_Yeti_Knows

    Plenty of effort stiffovich, nothing on the three channels you get with the coat hanger antenna up there in Bumblefuck Alaska?

  • takurospirit

    I don’t get these stupid bitches that go bat-shit crazy on the woman their man was messing around with. Then they continue to STAY with the man. WTF? Go bat shit crazy on him then be rid of his ass.

    5 years of an affair? Did she know the whole time? Person she should have been angry at is herself for putting up with that shit.

    Fuck. People are stupid.

  • LadyLeopard

    I just bought a $20 spill proof keyboard. Works fine even after a coffee bath. :P

  • tinalib13

    ;-) Yes Yeti, but htis time I had a reason. lol

  • Gee

    LOL….

  • The_Yeti_Knows

    See? You get it Gee…. its all in fun :) So what’s really in that bank? Clooney?…. wait, wait… Tom Sellick was dreamy as Magnum PI. And Im a dude!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jauharah-Andrews/100001403403216 Jauharah Andrews

    She should have waited to catch her husband in the act and then get a 2-fer when she f–ked them both up. Adultery is an azz-whooping offense.

  • Gee

    I personally like Tom Sellick (Blue Bloods) now as an older woman. “can I get some Sellick butter please :o)~

  • Pyncky

    Damn,you beat me to it. Hell, they can check for gunpowder, ought be able to check for stank finger.

  • JGo555

    I hate bitches like this that go al gungho crazy and assault other females because: “it’s not my man’s fault, it’s that slut ho that keeps throwing herself at him!!!”
    Fuck women who think that men aren’t capable of not fucking anything that walks because it’s offering itself to them. Fuck women that FIGHT with other women over assholes that cheat on them.

  • supreme321

    I don’t blame the husband for running from her. Man she looks scary. Like the one who would cut off your penis for not getting her an orgasm or something.

  • captaingrumpy

    If my wife had an affair with a man , I wouldn’t go and wank him off………Stupid.

  • captaingrumpy

    She’s ugly enough for a Dyke.

  • chikonanklemonitor

    too bad my bf never “cheated up” he always cheated with super ugly manly chicks i would NEVER be motivated to bang any of them no matter how pissed i was

  • http://www.facebook.com/lorraine.nation.3 Lorraine Nation

    5 yrs?