False Rape Accusation Follows Failed Suicide Attempt By Anal Mutilation

“The father was twice interviewed by police butt denied involvement.”

Lol Clever Kniption, clever. Thank you for my morning giggle. I’ve never heard of anyone trying to die by anal mutiliation, but I suppose anything’s possible. And to blame her father? What a bloddy mess she’s made…

This lady’s issues are a helluvalot more serious than filing a false police report. Who the fuck would think they could kill themselves by ripping open their asshole? And why the fuck would you want to go out that way?

‘Ya just have to love that “…my life is going to Hell, so I’m taking someone else along for the ride” mentality.

“For the first time, I admit that I was raped by Mack the Knife. It was bloody Hell.”

Sooo … I’m guessing this was really a case of “Hemorrhoids Gone Wild” – video coming soon.

Maybe she had that ass hair thing going on and she was just attempting to clip that shit.

Bad case of constipation that called for an extra lane or two on the poop chute?

This is a good example of what happens when you are high and lay your scissors next to your vibrator.

When the turd is just too LARGE I guess the scissor option becomes viable.

My ass hurts just thinking about this fuckery.

“interviewed by police butt denied involvement” snicker

I was wondering the same thing??

No pardon necessary! Thepuns are rolling on here this morning John. Lots of “ass” hattery going on you know.

Did anyone else think of that scene from the movie “Seven” where the prostitute was killed?

This is not what lesbians mean by “scissoring”

You’re absolutely right Ced, stick to zucchini dude, the local farmers have been relying on you for 10years.

I’ve always favoured my Toro leaf blower anyway, just Don’t pass out drunk while using it, because this one time at landscape camp………….

Your ass hurts because of that Cinese rubber fist you managed to bid for on ebay.

*facepalm* You’re really going to have to explain this bandcamp experience to me Yeti. You keep bringing it up, and my curiousity is getting the better of me. Pretty please with spaghettios on top?

No but I’ve been hoping to afford 7 prostitutes……somewhere in that melee , an ass might suffer a good scissoring.

Correction, a bitch and a whore on a mission…. not just any mission… Turkish prison scissor assed mission

If you look on the bright side, all those dollar store diapers you dig wearing to the mall will come in handy now.

You live in Canada, I bet you wish you could upgrade to a trailer park. It must get so lonely and isolated where you live, the only outlet being the warmth you get from your computer monitor and the smell of cheese that omits from under your rolls of fat. Keep trying to be funny, it hasn’t worked yet, but it might..

I can not imagine how this is even a suicide attempt. She was surprised she woke up alive? Really?

The words “anal” and “mutilation” should never be used in the same sentence.

Touche! That makes me feel much better about the use of those two words together.

You’re a genius, I will keep you for my very own.

I don’t mind at all. I meant to say something about Kniption being back too and I forgot because I’m a burnout. But I heart Kniption also, and I heart you too. <3

I guess the deeply allegorical meaning was lost on you…

Sepsis can be pretty fucking lethal. Also, agonizingly painful, and prolonged, which points to not very clever thinking in the planning phase, unless she wanted to go out in horrible pain.

A plunger would be more effective, though.

I hate baby goats. They are evil motherfuckers. When I was little my neighbours had several of them, and those bastards would jump over a 5 foot fence like nothing, ruin my kitchen garden and headbutt me every. single. day.

Up here in Canada we entertain our retards….. if you’re not amused maybe Ill switch to knock knock jokes…. or in your case, slob slob jokes.

Yes sweety, then you could write a book…. 50 shades of goat.

Jesus, Michael, lay off the Yeti already – it’s not his fault the rest of us continued evolving.

Well, if baby goats are anything like little boys, doesn’t that just mean it really, really liked you?

Anally mutilated herself with scissors.
Anally. Mutilated. With scissors.
What is that I don’t even…My butthole is clenched so tight right now I could turn coal to diamonds.

I always thought that was when you used the hairbrush handle…

Then you should take a shower. Also, you shouldn’t talk to that fur patch between your legs on an open forum like this. It’s very exposing for you.

Ha! Now that made me laugh!

What a pain in the ass.

Can I put in a request for more baby animals? I keep coming back just to watch this video now…

Careful or Ill tell everyone about how they called you Count suckula all through hunchback school.

That’s a good one Mikey… As Richard Simmons’ #1 fan I’m sure you might be hilarious……….. (looking )

Never met a Scot I didn’t like, they know how to party just short of scissors in ass anyway. LoL.
My money says if you can drink like one, you’ll end up tossing cabers, midgets,empties,panties,and finally………..cookies.

You’ve been infected by a TCR virus…

I was afraid kniption left us like so many others before him. I missed you and your twisted tales.

That was pretty funny alright.

You can be an ass sometimes so does that mean you will get the scissoring? I would guess not since you don’t do return engagements as a general rule.

Poor Yeti…come now Stiffy. That’s not nice. 13 barrels of peanut butter huh? Hope you’ve got stamina baby…This sounds like a marathon.

Absolutely! I’ve got my pom poms at the ready. shish cum baaa!

In your case I’ll be happy to break out the garden shears, at 2′ in length I can get your tonsils for you inside of 26seconds. No anesthesia, you’re enough of a nummy as it is.

Mikey digs the attention, not sure he’ll ever understand about trying to enjoy himself and not take anything personal……. I’ve read syphilis will do that to cheese eating basement wankers.

My old man had dentures his whole adult life…. loved to scare the hell out of the dog by lettin em hang out…. ah the simple times… on the other hand horny Mrs wolfenstern lived by the railyard loved giving good gum jobs for a bottle of JD. Even better.

LOL I’m almost offended that you’d worry over whether or not you offended me. Relax, Tina.

“DON’T YOU KNOW THEY’RE MADE FROM MY SH…”

Speaking of assholes and dingleberries…Did TCR finally get condemned or were you evicted by the hagravens that stalk the threads looking for trolls to slay?

I’m the queen of ass itches, the least you could do is get the nether region right…Are you sure it’s a polyp? Looks like a certain Sasquatch may need to schedule a colonoscopy…I’d offer, but my schedule is all filled up with bakers’ dads and Richard Gere…

I’ll scratch your ass itch, @BooKat:disqus. Here to help.

I wish you were just a story on here instead of a commentator. Alas, you don’t need to read about syphilis, you will never be close enough to the opposite sex to have to worry about it.

Now I recognize you….. You’re in that Tampax commercial as the douchebag all the chicks avoid, like the leakage likely if they use another brand… well done….maybe you can do a gig for preparation “H” next… hemorrhoid boy.

Not comdemned yet… and you’re one to talk

I missed you, there aren’t many insult masters left.. do you wank to Lisa Lampanelli? Because all you fat chicks usually stick together right?

I usually skip The Haunted Vagina and go straight to the scat. Good catching up.

I think I am in love with Buttermilk.

I would stoop to your level and call you a fag (because it’s so obvious) but it just isn’t funny when it’s true. I only use it as an insult, I’m not trying to give you a label. BTW, how do you type with all that Canadian bacon grease all over your chubby little fingers?

Fail….. try again mikey, nothing amusing there. Rest the keyboard on your frontbum and breathe before attempting insults.

The only difference in light hearted insults and vile vulgarity rests in your feeble mind. An insult is an insult. Wouldn’t matter if I punched you lightly in the face or punched you hard in the face, you would still be knocked out. Besides, all of your “light hearted insults” are stupid. Try stepping your game up a bit. You come off as the kid on the special bus that tries to repeat insults he’s heard normal kids use only to keep mixing them up.

Also, you know, don’t kill yourself. Trust me, I know the feeling.

Also, if you have been through pain as many times as I have, whatever it is you are going through, you can be sure sure that, this too, will pass.
@Pete Puma, how’s that for excessive comma usage?

Good for you. Your perserverance is to be admired. Do you need an eyebath of muriatic acid before you go over there? And speaking of oinments, have you ever ben gay?

You thalidomide babies tend to ramble huh? I suppose your handler would kick your ass if he wasn’t afraid of losing his shoe…… either way I will see you properly motivated there girlyman if it short-dicks every cannibal on the Congo.

Just like your career choice… when they come to question you
A. The less you know the better
B. Hold onto the broom extra tight
C. Ask if it’s okay if you hold your hanky
and
D. Have a little pee stain on the front of your pants at all times
..
See, that way they won’t worry about pressing you too much about details.

Now you get it stiffy… As the lead, we’ll make you the Billy Bob to our “Slingblade” because I bet you do… “Like them french fried pataters ”

I heart you, it has been irritating me for quite a while as well.

Speaking of short-dicks, I think we have finally found the source of all your anger. Maybe you can see a doctor about it though, they do wonders with medicine these days.

I know, it’s all good now, but as a teen the baby arm always got in the way .. until I grew into it… now I just duct tape it to my ankle.

Only way you get close to that is if it’s bought and rubberized.

With your profile ( selfie ) , are you trying to look cool ? or tough ? or mysterious ? because it’s been said you look like Herve Villachez on bath salts.. repeat after me tatoo.. ” hey boz, da plane, da plane ”

Ah, well it was supposed to be a surprise. Doesn’t matter, enjoy your gift. I’m sure your boyfriend will appreciate it.

A swing and a miss!! You’re out.

You’re hard to amuse.. I have a retarded nephew so I know what you people are like… freakishly strong too. I hope you don’t come over and uproot the trees in my neighborhood because of our little disagreements.

I come back knowing how obsessed you are with trying to get the last word in. You really can’t help it. You are trying so hard to be an internet troll, yet anyone that observes this will know you are the leading lady of this show. You don’t need the last word to prove it.

Yes I do

Logging in with multiple accounts? I got in hot water over that a couple of years ago. At least I was creative with such accounts as Lucifer Beelzebub and Jesus H Christ.

As someone who used to get into it with your buddy, domino (sarcasm) I have just one bit of advice for you and Yeti.

IT ISN’T WORTH IT, MAN!

Jesus Joseph and doggy style Mary fishboy, you think we’re here to entertain your Welfare scrotum? Drop down and give us 25, once for every case of green weenie you’ll end up with by halloween.

As moderator, keeping you buttplugs in line is my job pikey, now be a good receptacle and rinse today, the stank’s speaking for you over there.

Too much.? I guess I didn’t want to underestimate you, I’m sure that never happens… sorry pikey… listen, give her an inch for me, ok.? … wait, make that a quarter inch… wouldn’t want you to use it all up at once.

Changed your avatar, the clitoris thing bugged you?

I HAVE MISSED YOU LeaveMeBe.

True. I look rather atrocious in a dress.

Working the suicide hotline one night I get this call see. (3 minutes later) I finaly said to the guy”Go ahead and do it , it’ll just be one less asshole in the world!”