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Oklahoma City, OK– Tavares Donnell Colbert, 36 years young and a felon previously convicted of possession of a controlled and dangerous substance with intent to distribute, was arrested at Southwest Medical Center after seeking medical attention for a self-inflicted gunshot wound to his penis.

Colbert told police that he had bought a gun in Kansas and was preparing to sell it in a convenience store parking lot in Oklahoma when he pulled over to check the gun’s readiness for sale.  As it turns out, the gun was functioning properly, as long as the definition of “functioning properly” includes “makes extra holes in penises very effectively.”

Colbert told police that when he tried to force the slide back, he also had his finger on the trigger.  The gun went off and he shot himself in the penis.  According to the police report, Colbert panicked and drove himself to the hospital.  I can’t think of anything that would induce more panic in this writer than sending a bullet careening through his own junk, and that’s as truthful as I’ll ever be with any of you.

When police arrived at the hospital, they informed Colbert that it was illegal for a felon to own a firearm.  You’d figure that most felons would be well aware of this, and Colbert was.  After all, that’s why he says he was looking to sell it, but when you’re speaking with a man who has just blasted his own cock with a firearm, it’s best not to take a single I.Q. point for granted.

He was booked into the Oklahoma County jail on one count of possession of a firearm.  No word on how his penis is doing, but I have a feeling that the condition of his anus will be of the most concern going forward.

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