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Oklahoma City, OK– Tavares Donnell Colbert, 36 years young and a felon previously convicted of possession of a controlled and dangerous substance with intent to distribute, was arrested at Southwest Medical Center after seeking medical attention for a self-inflicted gunshot wound to his penis.

Colbert told police that he had bought a gun in Kansas and was preparing to sell it in a convenience store parking lot in Oklahoma when he pulled over to check the gun’s readiness for sale.  As it turns out, the gun was functioning properly, as long as the definition of “functioning properly” includes “makes extra holes in penises very effectively.”

Colbert told police that when he tried to force the slide back, he also had his finger on the trigger.  The gun went off and he shot himself in the penis.  According to the police report, Colbert panicked and drove himself to the hospital.  I can’t think of anything that would induce more panic in this writer than sending a bullet careening through his own junk, and that’s as truthful as I’ll ever be with any of you.

When police arrived at the hospital, they informed Colbert that it was illegal for a felon to own a firearm.  You’d figure that most felons would be well aware of this, and Colbert was.  After all, that’s why he says he was looking to sell it, but when you’re speaking with a man who has just blasted his own cock with a firearm, it’s best not to take a single I.Q. point for granted.

He was booked into the Oklahoma County jail on one count of possession of a firearm.  No word on how his penis is doing, but I have a feeling that the condition of his anus will be of the most concern going forward.

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  • ?????????

    Nice change of pace from yesterday’s stories :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/TheBlahbittyBLAH Danielle Rozario

    LMMFAO jackass… That is all..

  • Jury

    I’m gussing Tavares Donnell Colbert pees sitting down.

  • LadyOfShalott

    What a dick.

  • ?????????

    Tavares, this is not the recommended method for getting a cock ring piercing.

  • http://www.facebook.com/caroline.k.johnson Caroline Kessel Johnson

    I love the way this is written…it made me laugh! What kind of dumb ass would do such a thing…of yea..don’t take a single IQ point for granted! lol

  • JGo555

    Wow.
    I could be speechless. However, I rather poke fun at his IQ.
    Chillen’ dis wat happen wen’choo refuz to gotta school. Wen’choo WAN to stay st00pid.

  • SayAunt

    I shot my penis but I did not shoot no deputy.

  • http://tothechest.com Pete Puma

    Fixed. Thanks.

  • ?????????

    No aim and no aim.

  • LeaveMeBe

    Too bad the gun wasn’t pointed at his face.

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com Count Rackula

    Man, and here I thought I was all badass for having driven myself to the hospital with a mangled hand, while trying to shift gears, steer, and also hold the shifter in gear periodically because my car is so old. Doing all of that for fifteen miles with one hand while in blinding pain and bleeding all over yourself is… hard.

    I won’t call this guy a “badass” because… yeah…. but I will say that him driving himself to the hospital after said penis incident is… uh… hardcore? :-/

  • Sam

    If that doesn’t warrant a Darwin award, i don’t know what does.

  • The_Yeti_Knows

    See everyone ? There is a God… And she’s moist with hilariousness… God bless you God, let me buy you a nice Holy Grail martini and we can dream up ways to fuck with other dumbasses.

  • http://www.raidz3ro.com/ raidz3ro

    BOOM! Headshot!

  • ?????????

    It could heal.

  • Sam

    Considering the general IQ level in that man, i’m thinking – nay, hoping the t-cells are going to have mighty trouble trying to find what it is they are meant to fix.

  • kcjosh

    Luckily for the rest of society this guy didn’t follow one of the 4 rules of firearm safety. Have fun in prison asshat.

  • tinalib13

    He’s no too badass. He didn’t have to steer with his penis you know. 😉

  • Flo Robison

    cuba gooding jr??

  • https://twitter.com/#!/AngelsMom0806 Angels Mom

    What a jackass.

    Welcome back @petepuma:disqus hope the break was restful.

  • TruTruTrue

    Click Clack….BOOM! Cock down, need back up!!

  • tinalib13

    See that just proves that old saying….if you’re a dumbas playing with firearms, you’re gonna shoot your dick off. Or is it the other way around? Whatever…it works.

  • TruTruTrue

    Look on the bright-side, this Dumb ass will not re-produce.

  • tinalib13

    Upvote for the use of “asshat”!

  • tinalib13

    Ohhh someone’s feeling spicy today! I likee!

  • JohnQknowitall

    Talk about having a shitty day. I am already feeling better about my life. XD

  • JohnQknowitall

    God really does support birth control to any length necessary (pardon the pun).

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com Count Rackula

    Aww, Tina. We’ve only recently been acquainted and you’re already learning how to make me feel better. :-) <3

  • David


    it’s best not to take a single I.Q. point for granted”

    ^ ^ ^ ^ Love it.

  • sweekymom

    *sigh* He got it all wrong. Shoulda tested his penis on the gun.

  • tinalib13

    Once you get to know me you’ll realize I aim to please sweetie. xoxo

  • SayAunt

    I’m guessing he’s peeing like a sprinkler nowadays.

  • David

    I was going to say more Tracy Morgan.

  • The_Yeti_Knows

    There was a dude recently loved to whack off with one jammed up his ass.. that the one you mean ? Now lets see if by the end of the summer we get a better best bestest article about some dinkleberry wut decides to ram a loaded one in there and create duodenum lasagna for the happy massess…. cause that would be just too cool… even Al Qaeda would be laughing their assess … ( hey pardon the pun ) ……………off

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000505990543 Jim Powell

    He looks more like a pitcher than a catcher.

  • http://tothechest.com Pete Puma

    Thank you, dear. It would have been more restful had I not spent a large percentage of my time severely drunk.

  • http://tothechest.com Pete Puma

    Thank you, chickie.

  • sweekymom

    I’m thinking the bestest story might be the one where the guy tries to demonstrate fellatio on a gun. That’s the story I wanna read, a Darwin award winner fer sure!

  • CT

    Being passed out isn’t resting? Oh OK, I’m going to have to change a whole shitload of my upcoming vacation plans

  • tinalib13

    I keep picturing a banana peeled and half eaten.

  • tinalib13

    Maybe Pete’s an awake drunk. It’s possible if you mix your liquor with Red Bull. It gives you wings you know.

  • The_Yeti_Knows

    You’re not fooling anyone there sugar britches….In your case you’ve been picturing bananas morning , noon and night for 25years

  • tinalib13

    Lol you’ve got me there! I love bananas! I like the name sugar britches too…It made me blush!

  • Eliza Berntsen

    Am I the only one who thought that it was Cuba Gooding Jr in that photograph?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1069158605 Randy Whisnant

    Man Cocks Own Gun…. (scratch that new title) Man Guns Own Cock!

  • Heather_Habilatory

    He probably already procreated. This IS the demon after all.

  • curiousalways

    is there a way to sleep without it?

  • bored_stiff

    Too bad he didn’t shoot it right off. Then he could have grabbed it and fucked himself, you know a yeti’s top wish asked for at Christmas each year.

  • http://twitter.com/Q_Jordon Quintin Jordon

    Colbert: Seriously, I simply “cocked” it, pulled the “trigger” and it went “off”. Now let me talk about what I did with the gun.

  • defenestratethis

    Got another hole in his head

  • The_Yeti_Knows

    That’s your brain on glue isn’t it?…. BTW……Are you still an air traffic controller?

  • http://tothechest.com Pete Puma

    That’s a shitty position to be in when you’ve just gunned your cock down in cold semen.

  • bored_stiff

    Centennial Tower – Cherokee four five niner romeo foxtrot – ten miles southeast with Echo at three thousand two hundred for full stop.
    Cherokee niner romeo foxtrot – report five miles….no three miles…no four miles…wait…what are we talking about? Has anybody seen my Polystyrene Cement? I think I might be coming down and I’ve still got half a shift yet.

  • The_Yeti_Knows

    Funny, that message wasn’t on my machine when I left …….

  • onlyme356

    Which would be worse, the industrial scissors or the gun shot? What about a grenade?

  • onlyme356

    Hardcore desperate and scared.

  • kwumey

    now THATS shootin off a load

  • U.N. Owen

    Damm, these shvarze’s are SO clever….

  • JustBrowsingLife

    Did you mean his deputies?

  • JustBrowsingLife

    Now I’m thinking about a cartoon gag cigar! Smmmmmmmoooooookkkkkkiiiiiinnnnnn!

  • JustBrowsingLife

    Only if he puts it on a leash. Oh! My bad. I was mixing my homonyms up.

  • JustBrowsingLife

    She said asshat! Giggling insanely.

  • JustBrowsingLife

    Shaking my head to reboot after that visual.

  • The_Yeti_Knows

    This is what you get a dreamin demon me thinks…. Not much room for moralistic posts here I guess… besides gram…. know what the biggest accomplishment the dvil has ever made claim to ? …………. That she doesn’t exist ! Brilliant wasn’t it ?

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