Home > Crime > Masturbating Man Allegedly Chased After Children Dressed Only In His Skivvies

Masturbating Man Allegedly Chased After Children Dressed Only In His Skivvies

July 9, 2012 at 7:47 am by Ginny Leigh

BRANDON, FL - Anthony Lee Humphries, 64, was arrested on several charges after purportedly giving neighborhood children a horrific show of him in the act of self-pleasure, and then giving chase when they fled.

According to reports, four children were playing together when they noticed a naked Humphries going to town on his junk in his home’s doorway. Authorities state that when the children spotted Humphries staring at them while committing acts generally considered private, they turned tail. However, Humphries saw fit to throw on a pair of undies and chase after them.

Humphries is said to have chased the children through the streets but lost them after they went inside a house to hide. The kids underestimated Humphries’ tenacity because when they emerged a short time later, Humphries was still in the vicinity and gave chase again.

Police were called to the scene and Humphries informed them that he never had any contact with the children. He was arrested and charged with four counts of lewd or lascivious exhibition in front of a minor and detained on a $7,500 bond.

Tags: Anthony Lee Humphries, Crime, Florida, masturbation

38 Comments

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blubberdong

It’s stories like this that comfort me by realizing that the thrill of masturbation will still be there to envelop me with a silky, open hand even into my 60′s.
Sam

Well there’s 4 kids who will be the easiest to discipline, ever. “You do as you’re told or i’ll call the bogeyman!”
CT

And he would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for those meddling kids.
CT

Come people, give the guy some credit for keeping a boner going that long at 64.
OutOfBubbleGum

Today, in Brandon, Florida, Anthony Lee Humphries announce his withdraw in the U.S. Olympic team’s100 meter dash. Dressed naked in typical Greece fashion, the sixty-four year old sprinter realized he was no longer a contender being not able to out run four small children. “if they would have only been at a four o’clock all you can eat buffet with a senior citizen’s discount then I might have had a chance to catch them?” Humphries stated. On a happier note, Humphries plans on competing in the ‘deer in the headlights’ team and is sure he can get the gold.
SayAunt

He’s the next super hero “Anthony Lee in his Fruit of the Loonies”
The_Yeti_Knows

When I was young a friend and I were chased by old widow Garret after we caught her with a zucchini… to this day I haven’t had a single salad… or old lady .
The_Yeti_Knows

Good of you to finally step down and hand off the podium to someone younger and more agile.
The_Yeti_Knows

In your case you better hope that at that age your imagination involves more than the neighbour’s dog caught in a fence… jk blubbery
JohnQknowitall

Poor guy looks surprised he was arrested. Get this guy a psychiatric evaluation.
sugarpie

I have to admit that I’m more than a little curious as to how he came to be naked in the driveway while choking the chicken. I find the back yard a little less conspicuous…
JGo555

UGh! HE does look like the poster child of Stranger DAnger, huh?

That is one scary ceepy motherfucker.
blubberdong

At this time in my life, I’m more worried about losing my hands in a firework mishap.
JGo555

I wish all of these perv’s dicks didn’t work after 50. Why in the fuck do their peepees work!? Why is that young, virile, HOT men have ED but old geezers and pervs can get it up!? And I wish Viagra was deadly to them too.
Sam

*arranges for scaffolding and binoculars to be set up on other side of sugarpie’s back yard fence*
http://akemi-mokoto.me/ Akemi Mokoto

He had no business getting bond. Scumbag…
The_Yeti_Knows

I worry about hobos chewing my face off on the interstate
blubberdong

Stay away from the broken white line in the middle…it’s probably bath salts.
blubberdong

The story doesn’t say he had a hard-on, maybe he was just trying to publicly humiliate his flaccid skin-whistle for making him bet on the Marlins.
Jim Powell

What a jerkoff.
https://twitter.com/#!/AngelsMom0806 Angels Mom

Finally!
CT

@AngelsMom0806:disqus No shit – someone always beats me to it!
sugarpie

hehe – just don’t let me see you, I’d hate to have to put on my undies and chase you all over the neighborhood!
David

I’m thinking you are mislead by all of the ED ads where there are nothing but attractive 40/50-somethings and their attractive wives. I have a theory that most men who use ED drugs don’t necessarily have any “dysfunction” but just have ugly wives.
David

Printing up tickets to sell right now.
sugarpie

Don’t forget about the discounted matinee..
David

I get the matinee all to myself.
darsa

I think someone switched his eye drops for super glue… O.O
bored_stiff

Come on now, we know you like hobos chowing down hard on you (you know–your secret places) anywhere and anytime.
bored_stiff

OK, I’ll give you the salad, but not having had an old lady is a LIE. LIES ALL OF IT. I’ve got photos of you with Aunt Jemima and Lynne Brimley (You know, Wilford’s wife) and knowing you, if they had sisters, you would’ve nailed them too.
The_Yeti_Knows

I suppose as the president of the Luka Magnotta fan club you’re qualified to promote the tender bits bite hey Boredey ?
The_Yeti_Knows

You forgot Aunt Bea from Mayberry ! What the Heck stiffy ?
The_Yeti_Knows

Take the dentures out and maybe just maybe the Yeti will allow, at least until the grounds security van passes by, then I’ll have to hoof it out to the hot dog stand.
bored_stiff

I’ll promote anything for the right price, even your mom. I’m not the president of the fan club, I only drive the bus and provide refreshments.
bored_stiff

Oh, I think you just made me moist, you know, the complete opposite of what happens to your wife when she’s around you.
bored_stiff

I was purposely leaving her out…bad memories. One time I thought I would give a good run at Aunt Bea. Somehow, Andy found out and was some pissed–he gave barney some bullets and permission to use the lights and siren and the Fifster ran me out of Mayberry with two bullet holes.
http://www.facebook.com/dukerichards Duke Richards

He must have been recreating the Jackin It In San Diego scene from South Park
The_Yeti_Knows

She’s drier than a Stale Texas backyard Tiddlywink, woman has the hands of a wrestler too, never met someone that can palm a watermelon with one hand while field dressing a caribou with the other… Sweet weeping Budha I love her dearly.