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Man Accused Of Attacking Women With Sword And Peanut Butter SandwichWINTER HAVEN, FL – A Polk County man was arrested over the weekend after allegedly accosting three women with a 4-foot-long sword and a peanut butter sandwich.

The melee reportedly began when Mark Miller, 50, was disturbed by noise the women were making outside of his mobile home. Miller is said to have exited his trailer angrily, brandishing the blade and his late night snack. At some point during the scuffle that ensued, according to responding officers, Miller jabbed the more dangerous and metallic weapon at a woman’s stomach, one Brandi Bodiford, who happened to be 6 months pregnant.

Fortunately for Bodiford and her unborn child, she was able to grab the blade before being skewered and her friend, Taylor Grimes, stepped between her and Miller. Miller then smeared his remaining weapon, the peanut butter sandwich, on the chest of the third woman, Cierra Harwell.

Deputies arrived to detain and transport Miller to Polk County Jail, but before the trip was completed Miller used his teeth to cause $550 worth of damage to the padding on the squad car’s cage partition.

When questioned later as to the motive behind his bizarre display, Miller stated that he was irate because the “damn lesbians” were banging on his trailer. He also admitted to having wielded a sword, but was adamant that he never left the doorway to his home, much less the porch, implying that there was no attack at all.

Miller has been charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, battery and criminal mischief.

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Comments


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  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lisa-Condra/1269199446 Lisa Condra

    What a waste of a perfectly good peanut butter sandwich .

  • sherrdbw

    Florida is at it again.

  • Zazen

    ‘Miller used his teeth to cause $550 worth of damage to the padding on the squad car’s cage partition.’

    Betcha he was missing his sammich by then.

  • tinalib13

    Swords and peanut butter. Sounds like my kinda party. hehehehe

  • kimbev69

    “miller smeared his remaining weapon on the chest of the remaining woman” just made me choke

  • The_Yeti_Knows

    In my trailer park the Lesbian dog owners appreciate the peanut butter most

  • sweekymom

    Correct me if I’m wrong, but I thought most men approved of lesbians banging.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=621965500 Ginny Leigh

    I hate peanut butter enough to smear it on someone in an assault and not regret it…not that I’d assault anyone, ever. Super serious.

  • AssWho?

    FL on a run this week or what?

  • newstarshipsmell

    I know I do.

  • newstarshipsmell

    …the Lesbian female dog owners… tsk tsk.

  • http://www.facebook.com/cheshiredreams Andrea Pizzuto

    I always find tuna sandwiches a much better defense. He obviously doesn’t know his lesbians.

  • Sam

    This WEEK??

  • http://twitter.com/Q_Jordon Quintin Jordon

    This is simply a case of knowing that if one spreads the peanut butter, it is a matter of time before they slap on the jelly.

  • JGo555

    First man that ever complained about LESBIANS GOING AT IT.
    They must’ve been really ugly ones that looked like DUDES since, when has a straight man been angry that WOMEN ARE GOING AT IT in front of his porch (free porn without WIFI and live) and have the man not enjoy it?

  • CT

    Officer, I was only smearing the peanut butter on her chest so I could watch her friend lick it off. I saw it once in a movie. Two girls, one jar of Jiff.

  • JohnQknowitall

    This guy is fifty? OMG… I am scared of what must happen between 40 and 50… it sure cannot be pretty if this is 50.

  • blubberdong

    Toss some chocolate on and Jaded would be that friend. Two big DD peanut butter cups :D

  • CT

    I thought that was bacon?

  • blubberdong

    Bacon is her favorite greasy food. Peanut Butter Cups are her favorite candy. Knives are her favorite implement of murder.

  • CT

    I’m partial to crowbars, cheese and Smarties. And that would be the correct order of preference.

  • Gee

    That is a serious set of choppers

  • https://twitter.com/#!/AngelsMom0806 Angels Mom

    I’m sorry, are you talking about me or Jaded?

  • Zazen

    I know, when he was talking about bacon, peanut butter cups and knives it sounded like a party to me too =D

  • Heather_Habilatory

    Ahhh, Florida. I’m gone for a week, and here you are, still the same ol’ batshit crazy,

  • https://twitter.com/#!/AngelsMom0806 Angels Mom

    Alrighty then, I’ll bring the bacon and the cutlery!

  • Valerie

    No, it’s sporks!

  • blubberdong

    I was talking about Jaded, but I’m always thinking about you.

  • https://twitter.com/#!/AngelsMom0806 Angels Mom

    You are such the smooth typer.

  • http://www.facebook.com/dukerichards Duke Richards

    A la peanut butter sandwiches!

  • LeaveMeBe

    My husband has no idea where I get all the kinky ideas to spice up our sex life. Peanut butter and swords.Yeah bay-be!

  • LeaveMeBe

    You forgot about the sporks…

  • bored_stiff

    Trailer park? Made the jump from tree fort, which was a jump from a cave, eh. Congratulations. I’ve sent you a broken clothes washer for your front yard for a “housewarming” gift. From your friends at the Winnipeg Sun & Winnipeg Ron.

  • JustBrowsingLife

    50 years old in a trailer park and from FL? No way those could be his own teeth. I am very skeptical……

  • JustBrowsingLife

    Furry handcuffs, steamed crab legs and hot draught butter? Are we ordering dinner and a show?

  • JustBrowsingLife

    Raaaaaalllllpppppphhhhhhh. Wipes mouth….just vurped.

  • The_Yeti_Knows

    You can leave the door on too, my bastard son learned the last time when his maw pulled him out medium rare on Canada day … boy still shits his fur whenever he sees a maytag commercial now, stupid kid.. I do believe he’s the product of old banjo joe wut saunters by on garbage day pushing a shoppin cart.

  • blubberdong

    Edited for you two eagle-eyed sweeties.

  • http://truecrimereport.com iLLusionS

    Someone needs to attack him with a comb, and a Crayola crayon with the color: Sanity.

  • Kwumey

    ….just another nite in the dang TRAILER PARK **yee haw*

  • LeaveMeBe

    Thanks for noticing my eagle owl eyes. *bats lashes and sharpens beak*

  • blubberdong

    I see your elephant knees too…

    *I’m off and runnin’!*

  • LeaveMeBe

    You’re a bad dong! Bad, bad dong!