Everett, WA — An unidentified woman of unknown age was arrested last weekend after apparently losing what was left of her mind and attacking police outside of a Seattle bar. No, that’s not what earned her a spot here at the Demon, sillies. The fact that she was half-nekkid and sportin’ duct taped boobies is what did it.
According to authorities, the woman was hanging out at a bar Saturday evening, when she started strippin’ off her clothes and placing strips of hot pink duct tape on her upper body. This didn’t go over very well with the bartender, ’cause he ordered her out of the establishment. Silly bartender! Crazy bitches don’t like being ordered around!
Police say the woman grabbed hold of the bartender’s apparently flimsy arm, causing some sort of injury. After that, the crazy lady reportedly attacked another woman in the bar, clawing and scratching the woman’s face and eyes. (I can only assume the other chick was poking fun at the crazy lady’s well-planned and carefully crafted outfit… sooo, she deserved it).
Anyway, the unidentified woman finally left the bar just as the police were rolling up. She ran into a nearby KFC/Taco Bell (those exist?!?!) and hid in the ladies room.
She was escorted outside just moments later and cuffed. As officers attempted to place her inside the patrol car, she freaked. Police say the woman began kicking one of the arresting officers, landing blows to his legs and head. As another officer tried to pull her inside the vehicle, the woman executed a presumably flawless over-the-head back flip and tumbled out the other side of the car.
During the ensuing struggle to bring the woman under control, one officer suffered a concussion after being kicked in the head, another suffered a ripped tendon in his pinky finger after being kicked in the hand, and yet another officer suffered swelling and a slight dislocation of his jaw after taking a foot to the face.
The injured officers and the crazy lady were transported to a local hospital for treatment. And because she was still acting a little loopy, the woman was medicated and rendered unconscious. After coming to, she was booked into the King County jail for investigation of assault.
And because the question will be asked, no, I was not in Seattle last weekend. Besides, I’d never choose pink…. too girly.
Thank you, Darius Whiteplume.Tags: Assault, duct tape, Washington