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Man Wanted After Grocery Store Checkout Girl Sees Zipper Full O PenisTecumseh, MI - Occasionally, we here at D’D are asked to set aside our laser sharp Ivy League-caliber analysis of human psychosocial behavior to focus on 100% real and true crime fightin’.  This is one of those times…

Police are asking for civic-minded citizens to help them locate a man who was recorded on video surveillance cameras checking out at a Michigan grocery store with his johnson fully out of his zipper. The surveillance cameras – clearly equipped with the latest macro-zoom and digital enhancement features – recorded the man during his brazen display to an unwitting checkout worker.

Police say that at 2:07 p.m. Wednesday at Busch’s Valu-land in Tecumseh, Michigan, the man pictured was purchasing items. As the clerk scanned the suspect’s groceries, she noticed his jeans were unzipped and his genitals ‘fully exposed.’ The clerk told police the man stood very close to the checkout counter, but – cleverly – far enough back so she could see his man parts over the edge of the counter. As the man walked away, she observed him zipping his pants back up in a clear admission that this was no mistake!

As you can see from this more detailed photo, the suspect is a white male with a mustache (of course…), estimated to be in his mid-40s, heavyset, approximately 5 feet and 10 inches tall, mixed gray and dark hair, with a receding hairline; and wearing glasses, a gray T-shirt, and jeans.

When apprehended, the man will face a charge of indecent exposure which, presumably, will be classified as a gross misdemeanor.

If you know this person, please urge them to immediately contact the ABC Television at (818) 460-6552 to insist on the resurrection of the program EXTREME MAKEOVER and to advocate their participation on the show. …and while the person is busy doing that, you need to please call Crime Stoppers of Lenawee at (517) 266-6161.

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  • http://profiles.google.com/coldlogic HAL 9000

    Even if somebody knows who he is, who would call it in – and thereby admit as much?

  • blubberdong

    Maybe he let his dick out to read the National Enquirer in the checkout line.

  • Lena60

    Thats just false advertisement.ewwww *gag*

  • http://tothechest.com Pete Puma

    He’s got pretty nice tits though, I gotta say.

  • http://tothechest.com Pete Puma

    Clearly, he has misunderstood the meaning of the term “check out.”

  • OutOfBubbleGum

    Hey, don’t be so harsh on him.   Whenever he forgets his key ring, he can always rely on the store’s discount card’s bar code tattoo to his Willy.  It saves time for anyone behind him.  Of course, getting the angle for the laser scanner to read could be painful to him.

  • Califboy

     I can’t see a wedding ring, you girls will be a fighting over this stud.

  • SayAunt

    Where’s a Jake Russell or Pit Bull when you need them?

  • JohnQknowitall

    I think the guy will get off if caught (pardon the pun).

    I forget to zip my pants about 20% of the time when I rush out of the house, but I wear underwear (white Calvin Klein boxer briefs if you care) and I am not a pervert in public.

    Given the size of his “roof,” a.ka. his blubberous belly, he may have forgotten to zip, but in a cold grocery store he would feel it and shrink. This grocery store’s name sounds ghetto so the ac may have been non-existant. If I saw someone staring at the front of my trousers I would certainly zip at the next semi-polite opportunity -OR-  in most cases someone tells me and I correct the error immediately

  • 18th40

    I wonder if she notified Animal Control.

  • drkanga

    Is that James Gandolfini?

  • sugarpie

    Back in the day, when you pulled into a gas station and some dude would come out and pump your gas for you, I told the guy to filler up and went about my day dreaming until he was done.  I turned to pay him and he was standing there in front of my window with his willy out.  I threw the money out the window and sped away. 

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    I wish I had your ability to see the good in everyone.

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    Animal control doesn’t handle this kind of thing, she’d have to shoot the guy in the head. I know, I asked my friend who works for Petland. 

  • Gee

    The thought of seeing this mans wrinkle Dick peeking from his zipper makes me want to scratch my eyeballs out

  • kniption

    Another upstanding man victimized by the cruel double entendre: “fill ‘er up.”

  • CT

    Are you sure he just wasn’t there for a $6 bra?  

  • newstarshipsmell ™

    In Michigan, they don’t euthanize in the field.

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    I think I would have flicked it as hard as I could before driving away. 

  • 18th40

     She’s my friend too and she told me that Animal Control is all seeing, all knowing and all powerful (like Jehovah Witness’s without the pamphlet) and they handle everything everywhere. Not sure if they ‘know if you’ve been sleeping’ she was vague on that part, wait..that might be a different guy ?

  • newstarshipsmell ™

    Eventually they’ll realize that and offer up a reward.

  • Gee

     Thinking back over the years…… Why is it every flasher/perv is heinous looking ? I can’t remember one half way decent looking man flashing me his cock and waiting for my response. Maybe they were but I failed to look up as I was focused on the fapping and cock.  Hmmm… things to think about

  • blubberdong

     She flicked it when she got home :D

  • blubberdong

     Us good looking guys don’t have to flaunt our blubber.

  • FrikkenFrak

    I wonder if she tried to scan the salami…….

    Buh dump bump…

  • Gee

    You know I just realized your was Blubberdong…   Up until this moment I always read Blubber DOG.
    Hmmm…

  • JGo555

    HE FOUND HIS DICK!? Wow! I’m surprised someone else was able to see it too! Well, I’m glad for him. I’m pretty sure he hadn’t see his peepeer since 1989.

  • JGo555

    Oh & yuck!

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    She’s my friend more! Get your lug wretch and we’ll settle this like adults on the side of a highway. We have to be quick or Animal Control will get there first and stop us.

  • FrikkenFrak

    He located it by following that old rotten cheese smell he was noticing.

  • FrikkenFrak

    Omg, you’re right, Gee.  I misread it to be dog, too!  lmao! 

    Hmmm….I think I preferred it as dog. I don’t care what appendage the word is attached to, “blubber” doesn’t create a good picture in my mind.

  • blubberdong

     I can understand the mistake.  I’m new here. 

  • FrikkenFrak

    Clearly, I need glasses, lol

  • LeaveMeBe

    Heh. I was thinking along the same lines. He just wanted her to ‘scan’ it. ;)

  • LeaveMeBe

    what a douche nozzle.

  • LeaveMeBe

    From now on, whenever I see your name or avatar, I will picture Marky Mark in all his glory.

  • http://tothechest.com Pete Puma

    I’m only hoping someone will see the good in me in return.

  • LeaveMeBe

    I bet he has a dickie-doo.

  • Califboy

     wonder if he put a bar code on it

  • Califboy

     Use your hands to read blubberdong

  • Gee

     I’ll bring my Antenna

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    That’s what she said.

  • newstarshipsmell ™

    *snicker snicker*

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    You could if you wanted to though.

  • LeaveMeBe

    For some reason, Beyonece’s “Put a Ring On It” started playing in my mind when I read your comment, but it morphed into Jay-Z rapping her tune and saying “Put a Bar Code On It.”

    ETA: I realize it’s actually “Single Ladies” but that was not the part that was playing in my brain, so for arguments sake I KNOW!

  • megaflytron

    Probably just measuring to make that “dick-in-a-box”.

  • LeaveMeBe

    I’ve got my video camera charged and ready to go so we can put it on youtube and all get caught! Wait! We can’t do this without a minor being involved. Quick! Someone get a minor! Preferably an infant. And shit! We need a dog. An aggressive dog!

  • LeaveMeBe

    I am so ashamed of you and FrikkenFrak. How could you NOT notice his dong? You have scarred him for life, you know.

  • LeaveMeBe

    or maybe the rotten doggy smell…

  • 18th40

    She’s only after my bra damn it, did you get the melted chocolate ??

  • FrikkenFrak

    Oh hell….thanks so much of the visual I just got of a bar code under his sweaty, cheesy scrotum.

    (Gagging…….)

  • FrikkenFrak

    lmao

  • Heather_Habilatory

     Eff that. I’m bringing my camera!

  • Heather_Habilatory

     … Do we HAVE to have a female hambeast? I mean, we already have a male one/

  • sherrdbw

    If I were to see this, I would just shake my head and yawn.

  • EveryVillainIsLemons

    I’d say it’s a dickie-don’t.

  • EveryVillainIsLemons

    How’d she see it with that belly of his in the way?

  • LeaveMeBe

    LOL! I have to agree with you 100%.

  • LeaveMeBe

    No. One hambeast is enough. :)

  • Caridade37

    She’s not like me, I would have screamed, freaked out and threw his check material at him. How some women stay silent through stuff like this is beyond me…. I hope they catch the sick bastard. No one should have to see that.

  • Heather_Habilatory

    Oh praise baby cheebus! 

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/NCRQZ6X3LMMMQTGAL73T5WS6MI Federico Manna

    Is she sure it was a dick she was looking at or a mirror? 

  • Sorrow_discord

    so true..men do sometimes forget that pesky little zipper.  lol  

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_GWBV2FUY3OBYX3RNK6I44QSC7I Kwum

    *rofl* @  the subject is a white male. um duh ! who ELSE would do some pervy nasty shyt like that?

  • http://truecrimereport.com iLLusionS

    I don’t know how I managed to miss this one, but yowzah!! I personally would have told him nicely at first….”pssst sir your gristle whistle is showing you might wanna xyz that…” And depending on his reaction I may have kept repeating the request louder and louder to draw attention to him…This is exactly what I do to some of the shitty customers at work..When they proceed to lick their nasty tongue out at me through a gross toothless mouth, like I am going to think that is so hot and sexy…And if they are holding up my line doing the stupid shit I’ll say really loudly “SIR! IS YOUR TONGUE OKAY? ARE YOU OKAY?” So that all the people in line look at them! ;)

  • http://talkinshitwithshannieandboo.blogspot.com/ BooBooKittyFuck

    “Show me your genitals, your genitals.” I declared today Manmeat Monday, but it looks like you started the festivities on Friday, Kniption.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/William-Dean-Luke/1245322900 William Dean Luke

    Hmmm…wanted for indecent exposure…I’ve had my fair share of terrible zipper-down moments, where I do not realize that my zippr is actually busted (Or have forgotten by mistake) and tends to fall without my knowledge..I’ve inadvertently flashed a person or two as a result..being poor sucks..now where the fuck is that safety pin?

  • Elizabeth McCarthy

    I worked at a grocery when I was a teenager. Some big guy came through and flopped that thing out on the counter. After my shock wore off, I asked him if he wanted me to wrap that for him or if he wanted to eat it there. He was mad and left without his gum. What I wouldn’t have done for a hammer at my checkstand.

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