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Palm Bay, FL – Things were getting a little heavy on The Demon today, so I thought it might be a good time to lighten the mood with your feel-good story of the day.  Michael Demond Brown, 32, was arrested on Monday after an altercation with his girlfriend that caused police to be called to the scene.

Brown, who, just judging from his picture, has clearly been trained in a number of high-level martial arts, got into a heated argument with his girlfriend; an argument so rife with anguish that he reportedly disconnected the house phone and slammed her cell against a door.  Now, if you’re Brown’s girlfriend, you’re probably thinking, “This dude’s going to kill my ass and it’s probably going to be a little horrific.”

You’d be wrong.  Brown allegedly proceeded to spray his girlfriend’s feet with pesticide.  Yeah, not her hair, her face, or even her ass, but her feet.  Like the finely-honed killing machine he likely is, Brown then apparently proceeded to rip at her clothes and undergarments.  She was able to escape and run for help, which surprises me since Brown’s mugshot makes him out to be like an olympic sprinter or something.

In Brown’s defense, police report that he did actually punch his girlfriend as well, which is about as manly as manly gets, but this maneuver was quickly nullified by the report of his also pulling her hair; well, that and the fact that he can be identified by two ultra-manly tattoos that read “Sparky Jr.” and “Sparkle.”

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Brown was taken into custody and booked into the Brevard County Jail Complex where he was charged with battery and criminal mischief, and later posted a $12,500 bond.  He has been ordered to have no contact with the woman he attacked pending the outcome of the case.  He has a May 21 hearing in case you want to point at him and jeer in the flesh.

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  • “She was able to escape and run for help, which surprises me since Brown’s mugshot makes him out to be like an olympic sprinter or something.”

    Pete, he might have similar hairstyle of a certain martial artist in a iconic kung fu film, but look at his eyes – ain’t got shit going on upstairs.

  • OutOfBubbleGum

    Did his GF give a back massage using her feet to the bacteria, infected, CDC research worker?

  • Sam

    The real crime here is that the girlfriend should have washed her feet long before they needed bugspray!

  • newstarshipsmell ™

    I was just thinking before this posted how weird it was that Florida wasn’t providing today…

    My apologies, Florida, for my momentary lack of confidence.

  • Sparkle is clearly a highly trained assasin who is working undercover….Lol  Thanks for posting this Pete.  I needed a good laugh today. 

  • SayAunt

    Sparkle? Please! How about Black Flag, the man with the can!  

  • “Like the finely-honed killing machine he likely is..” Pete, you killed me with that one!

    Man on man maybe he is a huge Twilight  fan where glitter is really manly and so is Sparkle.
    RAAAAIIIIIIDDDDDDDD!!! Kills bugs dead….

  • DamagedGoods

    Should have been nicknamed “Loretta”

  • Gee

    Ha Ha LMAO…  I can’t believe she just didn’t beat his ass down. Street cred lost: 1. Hair pulling 2. Nick name Sparkle

  • Have you guys noticed that NOTHING ever happens in Miami, FL? 😀

  • This is probably going to sound crazy but I just moved from FL to OK and I felt much safer over there than here. I don’t know why!

  • Zazen

    After all the other stories today (which are pure gold I must say) Florida had to come up with something good so they whipped out their Jit Gut Do/Afro Fu/Raidjutsu specialist. Only the best for us!

  • malq

    All Sparkle really had to do was shave her back and the bugs have nowhere to hide. That’s what Rosie O’Donnell’s girlfriend does.

  • JGo555

    With a tattoo like that, he’ll have a line outside his cell.

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    It’s OK, we forgive you for doubting us. Now come on down for a boat drink. 😉

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    It does, it’s just no one really cares.

  • JohnQknowitall

    Well with a man named Sparkle Brown, I am not going too far out on a limb to say that he was probably had little wings and was actually sprinkling her with fairy dust. The removal of her clothes was for more coverage as was separating her locks to have better access to the scalp. No good deed goes unpunished.

    He obviously loves her.

  • *His* name is Sparkle? Funny, he doesn’t look like one.

  • CT

    He looks more the bedazzler type to me.  

  • Jycorro

    No  no. You shave one side and set fire to the other. When they run out… Stab them with an ice pick.

  • LeaveMeBe

    OR you can sprinkle sand and pour vodka on it and then when they get drunk they will stone each other to death. This works for the crotch but I’m not so sure about the back…

  • LeaveMeBe

    Riddle me this:

    If all that glitters is not gold then all that sparkles is not________?

  • FrikkenFrak

    He SHOULD have a tattoo on his forehead that reads  “Another DUMBASS from Florida”

  • FrikkenFrak

    Silver?  Tin?  Foil?  Bath salts?   THAT’S IT!  BATH SALTS!

    (Bath salts is the answer to  EVERY question on DD!!!)

  • FrikkenFrak


  • FrikkenFrak

    lmao!  (wipes tears from eyes)

  • FrikkenFrak

    Oh man, you guys are killing me today!  lol!

  • CT

    the Orkin man?  Though I do believe that FrikkenFrak’s bath salts is the universal DD catch all answer. 

  • CT

    Your comment had me cracking up though I must admit that when I first read it I thought you had commented “fag” instead of “flag”.  Opps.

  • sugarpie

    She interupted his intense game of Mario Cart.

  • megaflytron

    The argument had to be over who was going to wear the pants that day.

  •  i dunno.. she prolly was ‘bugging’ him. 
     I think that Palm Bay would win the contest of what city is the stupidest/craziest in Florida.

  • FrikkenFrak

     Good lord…..if her feet are that bad, imagine what her pooketown must be like. 

  • FrikkenFrak

    Snark, if you live down in FL, can you provide us with some insight as to WHY there are so many freaks down there?  Is it the heat?  Does it fry up people’s brain cells?  My best friend lives there and has yet to give me a reason, lol. 

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    My honest opinion is that they all kinda migrate down here from other states after they’ve fucked up there. Florida is kind of a last resort state to criminals I’ve come to find out. Add to that all the immigration from countries all over with people who bring their old grudges with them, the under-educated, and tourist economy poor and it’s just a bad mix.

  • Heather_Habilatory

    Unlike other posters, I totally believe the nickname Sparkles.

    The eyebrows give it away.

  • PhantasmaGora

    I live in Tulsa…….Oklahoma sucks ass. At least theyre are things to do in Florida. Ya know…like dodging murderers and meth dealers.

  •  hey, HEY…Its FAAAAT Albert!!!!!!