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Salem, OR – Christina Marie Lopez, 42, was sentenced to three years in prison on Wednesday after pleading guilty to attempted use of a child in a display of sexually explicit conduct for allowing her 17-year-old daughter, Nicole Madril, to work as a nude stripper.  She is also required to register as a sex offender for the next ten years.

Back in December, Lopez, possibly the Guinness Book’s current world-record holder for “Most Haggard-Looking 42-Year-Old,” complained to police and the media that Presley’s Playhouse in Salem had hired her underage daughter as a “dancer.”  At the time, she was claiming that she’d only become aware of her daughter’s new job after finding high-heeled shoes in her bedroom.

She was quoted as saying, “It makes me sick.  Makes me sick thinking she’s 17, but to me she still has a little kid’s body.”  My translation?  Glad you asked: “My girl needs some implants real bad.”

From my perspective, I view Lopez’s offense more as a crime against all but the optically challenged, and I can’t help but think she was busy working on a hare-brained scheme to get some kind of a court settlement from the club.

Police weren’t buying Lopez’s story after viewing the club’s CCTV footage of her, visiting Madril at her job, placing money on the stage as she danced.  Lopez told prosecutors that  “the only thing I did was took my daughter money to eat on.”  A paper plate or a doggy bowl might have been more appropriate.

I’m feeling a tad mean today.  In truth, I’m wishing Madril was quite a bit uglier than she is.  My handful of visits to West Virginia strip clubs has left me with the clear understanding that aesthetic atrocities in “gentlemen’s clubs” can get far, far worse.

Couple Arrested After Beer Poured Down 1-Year-Old Boy's Throat For Fun

Madril claims that she took the job in order to support her 2-year-old child.  However, Lopez states that she, not her daughter, was raising the toddler, which makes the tipping incident a bit fishier than it already was.

Lopez maintains that she only pleaded guilty to the charges for fear of facing the “heartless” judge in court and receiving 20, instead of three, years.  Madril, now 18, has since taken a job at another strip club.  She claims it was always her choice to strip and said of her mother’s offense, “It’s nothing bad.  It’s not like she prostituted me and she raped a kid.”  Madril’s young daughter is currently in foster care.

In a heart-warming display of the unassailable mother-daughter bond, Lopez said in a jailhouse interview, “I’m doing time because (my daughter) thinks it’s easy money to strip. And I tell her, I tell her: I’m in here because of you.”

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  • A couple of dumbass beezies.

  • OutOfBubbleGum

    “she was claiming that she’d only become aware of her daughter’s new job after finding high-heeled shoes in her bedroom.”

    For weeks, Christina thought her noble, outstanding daughter was dancing till midnight with a prince.  It was only after seeing the second glass slipper in the closet did she realize her daughter was out doing improper late night activities.

  • JohnQknowitall

    42 year old mother is poor and for whatever reason cannot support herself. The granddaughter is 2 and cannot support herself for obvious reasons. The 17 year old daughter, a high school dropout, has only one marketable skill.

    I want to hurt myself for saying this, but I see and understand the logic to avoid hunger and the street. I have never been in a heterosexual strip club, but cannot imagine it is that bad since homosexual strip clubs are watched like a hawk to not allow touching, etc.

  • Pete Puma, it is kind of funny you mentioned West Virginia Strip clubs, in September we went white water rafting in Oak Hill WV, and there was a strip club literally a few feet from our hotel in Beckley. Called the Southern Gentleman Club..A few miles down the road there was what looked like a single wide trailer, with bars on the window called WV Strip.  I bet the chicks in there are reaaaaally something else!!
    Now I have to admit I think that 3 years is a long time for this particular “crime” in question. If she hadn’t started pretending that the club had somehow “wronged” her and her daughter, LE and whoever would have probably been none the wiser that she was somme kind of a shitty mom. Here they lock up a mom that semi sucks, but if she had molestyed and beat her daughter day in and day out, they would have just taken the child away for a few weeks, and then given her back..And how long did the teen work there before being 17? Cause I hate to say it, 18 isn’t all that far away so how much does it really matter?

  • LeaveMeBe

    Why wasn’t the strip joint charged with anything? They’re the ones who employed a minor. It’s not like the law states mom can sign off on that like she can marriage or enlistment in the military. Don’t get me wrong, the mother is a slimeball, but I think it is ridiculous to imprison her for 3 years and list her as a registered sex offender.

  • malq

     This article is severely handicapped without pics of the underage stripper.  I mean…. we have a barely legal section don’t we?

  • I didn’t mention it in the article, but Lopez is no stranger to jail.  I wonder if that had some effect on the sentence.

  • Ummmm…

  • malq

     I knew it!

  • Sam

    42??? You’re shitting me, aren’t you?

  • I know!  I’m 41. Her picture makes me feel young! lol

  • EveryVillainIsLemons

    “I’m doing time because (my daughter) thinks it’s easy money to strip. And I tell her, I tell her: I’m in here because of you.”

    Fucking dumbass bitch probably made her daughter start working as a stripper to make ends meet.  Who wants to bet that Mommie Dearest up there doesn’t have a job of her own?

  • curiousalways

    bahahahahahahahahaha.  up until about a year ago you could get anything you wanted in a strip club here in Memphis.  Blow jobs, lap dancing with full touching in private rooms.  They have really shut them down lately but believe me, it was anything goes. 

  • curiousalways

    seriously, my 83 grandmother looks better than her.

  • Looks like someones had some rough years!

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    She’s a stripper? I want to make sure I have this absolutely crystal fucking clear, men pay her to get naked? Why the fuck am I even bothering anymore? I want to sit on the couch and eat pizza. 

  • LeaveMeBe

    Yeah, that is probably why she received jail time. But I still think it’s ridiculous to list her as a sex offender.

  • LeaveMeBe

    She was raising the two year old! That gives her no time to find a job of her own. Give the poor woman a break, she has a stripper for a daughter and she’s hongry. 😛

  • Thomas Smith

    Just a suggestion, I believe it should be hare-brained, rather than hair-brained. Since you are a writer, as I am, you are used to smart asses second guessing your every move.

  • Gee

     I agree wit you LMB. I am not sure why she has to register??? I mean she is a nasty HamBeast but last time I checked that wasn’t a prerequisite to have to register as a sex offender. 

  • Sam

    Hongry? Holy shit woman, that is one unfortunate typo. I can’t get the image of that horny hungry hippo out of my head now. AAAARRRRGHHH!!!

  • UniqueMommy1984

    Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. That’s kind of going a little too far in my opinion. Although what she did wasn’t right but still. 

  • sugarpie

    I liked that she brought the investigation on herself. 

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    I always have to ask because I date a writer, what do you write? I try to get names out there for people sometimes. 

  • pikeman

    As bad as this is, it could have been much worse. At least the mother wasn’t stripping.

  • LeaveMeBe

    Your first mistake is in assuming that Pete is just a writer…

  • LeaveMeBe

    That was no typo, dollface. 😉

  • i love the fact that she was seen on video placing money on the stage.. or “making it rain” as they say in the cool kid groups and said it was just lunch money for her.

  • newstarshipsmell ™

    He probably still had the hairbrush story on the brain…

    That, or he was angling for an admittedly weak pun complimenting her intelligence and beauty.

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    That was what I thought. I hope I was right because it would be funny.

  • Ever since I had a couple of ribs removed, I haven’t had to pay for blow jobs.

  • Your correction is appreciated and I have edited the mistake.  For the record, I do not consider myself a writer since no one is stupid enough to pay me to do it.

  • Feel free to list the other things I am.  I have a difficult time cataloging my vast array of talents.

  • No such luck.  I’m the same fucktard I’ve always been.

  • Zazen

    I think they’re actually paying her to get the fuck off the stage.

  • OutOfBubbleGum

    Did you also wake up in a bathtub full of ice and missing a kidney?

  • Wolf_of_Mars

     Down South here, there’s “hungry,’ then there’s “hongry.”  Hungry is when asked if you’d like something to eat, you reply: “Yes.”  Hongry is when if you need to eat, your friends lock up & hide all the small, tasty animals in the house before asking you if you’d like something…

  • curiousalways

    way to save money! 

  • pikeman

    I’ve seen your website, and you are a very sick man who uses women strictly for their vaginas and umm…other parts for your own sexual satisfaction. A truly depraved individual, perfect for writing stories on DD.

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    What I’m hearing “no pizza”.

  • LeaveMeBe

    I started to list everything that I have written in my little red book but it made me feel like a creeper so I deleted it.

  • JGo555

    You know there was one thing my mother told me I could not do: STRIPPING. She told me I could do anything I wanted except for stripping…

    Maybe I should start by showing her! *Shakes fist*

    Mother’s Day: THANKS MOM!

    This has been an unpaid advertisement brought to you By JGo555.

  • JGo555

    You look like you’re 16!

  • JGo555

    *Gets daydreaming look on her face*

    I remember when I would wake up have a healthy snack, go to school, have a healthy lunch, go to the gym & go to work on the weekends, all the while drinking pails upon pails of water.
    I was so fucking HOT.

  • JGo555

    You’re a PLUMBER!

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    I drink a MyoPlex for breakfast and one for lunch. I eat my no carb dinner and cheat once a week. Yet, she’s a stripper? It boggles my fucking mind. 

  • Sam

     Really? Well – a wholehearted Fuck You Very Much then. 😉

  • That leaves whoring wide open, you realize.

  • OutOfBubbleGum

    Blind strip clubs touch.

  • JGo555

    She just asked me to NOT take my clothes off in front of more than ONE man at a time.

    Fuck, you got the best comebacks & I SUCK when I try to dip my toes in the BURN PetePuma Pool.

  • I grew up with two older brothers, so…you know…

  • JGo555

    You mean there’s a whole of your DNA running around!?

    HIDE THE WOMEN, hide Yo’ single girls
    cause they ‘Pumain’ errbody out therr’!!!

  • Wow!  Thank you!  Wait til I tell my 14 yr. old son.  He’ll get a kick outta that one. 🙂  You just made my day…shit you made my year!

  • onlyme356

    That woman looks like she’s partied way too much, she’s looking like the bottom of my boot. I can never uderstand how you could have absolutely no respect for your own child. It just doesn’t make sense to me, you want to protect your children and make them happy and healthy. At least I do, I don’t get why you’d pimp yor own kid out it’s just awful to support her underaged child in that way. 17 year olds and even 18 year oldds, heck even people in their 20’s are not completely developed cognitively. Most of them aren’t, I was a big dumbass at that age and needed all the guidance I could get.

  • that woman is 42? damn, i would’ve gussed at least 60…

  • “I’m in here because of her.”

    No dear, you are in here because you raised a skank ass whore of a daughter, who looks like she is following your lead with the ‘rough life’ bit by starting out with stripping. She is more than stripping, or soon will be. We’ll be reading about her here too sooner or later.  In the mean time, I am 40 this year and this woman looks decades older than 42.

    Maybe 42 in dog years. Bow wow wow yippy yeah, yippy yeah.

  • Heather_Habilatory

     My boss takes quarters out of the money drawer and threatens to “make it hail.”

  • Heather_Habilatory

    Some of my mom’s friends were strippers, so I never got that stipulation.

    We had some UGLY UGLY UGLY strippers. I wish they hadn’t shut all the places down. I’m … overweight… and even now, I’d still make bank comparatively.

  • Heather_Habilatory

    3 years in prison, meh, I’m mostly okay with that. She won’t sit near that length of time. But the registering as a sex offender is ludicrous.