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Nashville, TN — A 39-year-old babysitter accused of breaking off a 3-4 inch hairbrush handle in her young charge’s ass had one hell of an explanation for police — she was simply trying to relieve the poor tot of his constipation.

According to police, Becky Burlison was arrested on charges of aggravated child rape and felony child abuse earlier this month, after allegedly violating the 2-year-old tot’s poop chute with the handle…. twice. It was during the second insertion that the handle broke off and became lodged inside the boy’s body.

Burlison reportedly told police she thought the kid might be constipated and believed the insertion of the brush handle might stir things up a bit and get the kid to crap.

Police say Burlison waited about 45-minutes for the handle to reappear before seeking medical assistance. Fortunately, the child was able to pass it without surgery.

The dumbass was ordered held on a $200,000 bond.

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  • Valerie

    Doesn’t everyone use a hairbrush when constipated? I hate to wish bad on anyone, but I hope this woman gets raped with a broken broom handle.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=818709360 Billy Madatchu

    ahhh the old charges rectum trick.. gets ya every time;)

  • http://tothechest.com Pete Puma

    I’ve only ever used a hairbrush down there to groom the tangled mass.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=736546181 Michael Heldman

    I award her One skully fuck to relieve her stupidity.

  • OutOfBubbleGum

    A mother should be suspicious when you get a practicing medical doctor at baby sitting rates.

  • curiousalways

    note to self, never borrow Pete’s hairbrush.

  • CT

    Good lord, why do people seriously think the rest of us are so stupid to believe your stories?  Poor kid.  How fucking mean this bitch is to do this to a two year old. 

    And by the age of 39, if you have had any dealings with children, you know that a good Irish Stout beer will produce a good poop within 10 minutes of drinking said beer.  OK, that only works for me.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=534372011 Georgia Meyer

    What the fuck, HORSE SHIT she was trying to relieve his constipation. Crazy bitch.

  • JohnQknowitall

    What is her remedy for vaginal yeast infections?

  • Valerie

     Good, strong coffee also seems to work well.

  • http://www.facebook.com/karrasmithhammonds Kelly Hammonds

    Oh, I would KILL that bitch.  Poor baby. 

  • Shelby Burns

     You can give a toddler an enema, or just wait for his damn momma to get home. Jesus, I don’t even like dealing with my own poop problems. And in what universe does a brush handle to the asshole solve ANYTHING EVER??? Just thinking about the fact that it BROKE OFF makes me clench like a vice-grip.

  • Sam

    WTF?
    Even IF the child was constipated, what kind of idiot thinks PUSHING THE POO BACK UP is going to help things along???
    Pedo idiot.

  • CT

     The fact that it broke says to me she was doing this for other reasons besides constipation.  Evil bitch. 

  • Texas Ranger

    By her theory….Gay dudes gotta be the most crapping things on earth. I don’t know how they could even hold a job unless it was a job cleaning bathrooms.

  • http://truecrimereport.com iLLusionS

    Hi Jaded! Glad to see you around again.
    And WTFH!!!!!! This bitch is a nasty sick ass shit stain. And just who the fuck does she think is buying her constipated story? This is the time for that creative punishment to fit the crime, Like for example have everyone on the DD BYOBrush and see what kind if force it takes to break our handles off in this bitches ass! And thick wooden handle brushes are a plus. Hell put them in bristles first, that really should relieve her constipation.

  • LeaveMeBe

    SOS pads. Those things will scrape the warts (and anything else) right off of ya.

  • neenaP

    Righhhtttt! Cool story Hansel. As if anyone will believe that. You give the child unfiltered apple juice or food with fiber or let the parent take care of it not your kid!!!!!! perverted bitch. 

  • malq

    See, this is reason  #12 why nothing goes up my ass. my sister who is an RN used to see the homos coming into ER almost every day almost dying of septic poisoning. When they say they haven’t pooped in 7 days and don’t know why, everyone else does.

    For that hairbrush to break off, there are three options.

    1) Extremely hard turd,
    2) Brush is made in China (what do you expect)
    3) She used too much force and was playing hide the brush on a two year old.

  • malq

     Once you get the klingons out of the way, It lays down like a silk tarp.

  • malq

     The fact she did it, makes me think it was done to her. how else do you normalize butt brushes? Seriously, UGH

  • EveryVillainIsLemons

    They should also get the dumb bitch for practicing medicine without a license.

    Geez.  Enemas, fiber, anything is better at getting someone to poop than stuffing a brush up his ass.Moron.

  • newstarshipsmell ™

    I’m just curious, what product do you use to condition it?

  • http://twitter.com/tinalib13 Tina Wech

    Good grief!  How about some prune juice?

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    … And Jaded is back. Missed your unique stories.

  • UniqueMommy1984

    What the fuck is wrong with people?????????? 

  • UniqueMommy1984

    No kidding, poor kid. 

  • OutOfBubbleGum

    “she thought the kid might be constipated”

    More accurate than US Naval Observatory Master Atomic Clock, it was when she missed Steve Wilkos, Jerry Springer, and General Hospital did Becky suspect that the baby was constipated. 

  • http://twitter.com/tinalib13 Tina Wech

    I was thinking that very same thing. :-/

  • http://twitter.com/tinalib13 Tina Wech

    Lol you’re funny. :-)

  • LeaveMeBe

    Add to research notes: Pete does not have a hairy back, but a very hairy ass. He is not a baboon.

  • Gee

    It just seems ten time worse when you here about a woman doing this to a child. Evil fucking bitch!

  • sugarpie

    And she wonders why her boys are gay now.

  • LeaveMeBe

    Biosilk works wonderfully on all hair and skin. ;)

  • pikeman

    Rectum?! Damn near killed ‘em!!

    Sorry about my terrible sense of humor. This is very fucked up, here’s to hoping some big bull lesbian guard does a thorough search of this skanks rectum.

  • newstarshipsmell ™

    Well thanks for the advice, although, I was asking Pete specifically what he used, rather than a recommendation…

  • newstarshipsmell ™

    I dunno… I’d say it’s a toss-up between the stupid kind and the moronic kind of idiot.

  • pikeman

    I don’t know….he looks like one of those hairy Greek or Italian guys in his profile. He probably brushes his back before heading lower. :-0

  • newstarshipsmell ™

    And she likely blames their anal fissures on the constipation.

  • newstarshipsmell ™

    Here’s to hoping she ends up requiring a colostomy.

  • pikeman

    It seems to me, and this is only a theory, that the hairbrush handle would push the poop in further, making the constipation worse.

    Her theory of reasoning isn’t solid, besides the point. I’m thinking that, perhaps, this is a complete lie anyways, and she is, in fact, a no good pedophile.

  • pikeman

    Yeah, but you don’t want to end up on the FP for contributing to the delinquency of a four year old.

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com Jaded

    Thank ya!

  • pikeman

    Ewww!

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com Jaded

    Thank ya, chickie!

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com Jaded

    As if I could stay away. This shit is like crack, I tell ya. CRACK.

  • LeaveMeBe

    I have missed your awesome powers of deductive reasoning. :)

  • LeaveMeBe

    I have missed your awesome powers of deductive reasoning. :)

  • LeaveMeBe

    I keep copious notes on everyone here and Pete has stated before that he has very little to no back hair.

  • Heather4877

    Using the kind of force necessary to break off the handle of a brush should have caused some trauma to the poor child’s booty hole I would think.  I’m surprised it wasn’t mentioned in the article.

    Fucking cunt. 

  • pikeman

    Neither do I. (Thank God) I am somewhat hairy, but I am very thankful I’m not one of those guys with hair matted on their back and shoulders. I know a few guys like that, and for whatever reason, my ex-wife loves that in guys. Personally, I think it would be horrible to be one of those hairy guys, just a step down the evolutionary chain. Most Arabic men are very hairy like that.

  • wolfcat

    Actually, in the early 1900′s when the U.S. government had the public advised that every child should begin potty training as early as 0-3 months, mothers would hold their babies over a porcelain bowl and stick soap sticks up their butts to get them to poop and get them potty trained. She could have easily got the idea from an older person… It was the norm back in the day along with sticking your child’s bum in boiling water to punish them for refusing to be potty trained at such a young age because children were just little adults and they were trying to make you mad if they did not learn fast enough.

  • Wolf_of_Mars

     Though primarily Native, I have a little Dutch heritage, too.  As a result, I have a very furry back.  It’s not a “step down” on the evolutionary chain, but rather, an adaptive response.  My fiancee & our G/F both understand why your EX-wife loves a hairy back on a man… It gives them something to hold onto instead of tearing up the sheets.

  • Wolf_of_Mars

    What a tool…

  • pikeman

    Interesting, I have a good friend who is Native and English. He has hair all over his chest really thick, and even his back, but can’t grow hardly any facial hair. We joke with him about it, but he takes it pretty well. The women always seemed to like him, despite his hairyness.

  • CT

    Most likely my stint on the FP will involve a crowbar.

  • Califboy

      This shit is like crack, I tell ya. CRACK. Crack, I see what you did right there. (story about ass )

  • Califboy

     I hope someone in jail causes trauma to her anal passage with a broom handle.

  • JGo555

    WHOLEY FUCK! Has this bitch never heard of MANGOES!? 5 of those small motherfuckers will make you shit for a week!

  • JGo555

    You need to rewrite your next statement as: ” I hope this woman gets helped with her period with a broken broom handle”.

  • JGo555

    BURN!

  • JGo555

    I AM NOT INSERTING MY PRIZED THICK STRONG BRISTLED AVON BRUSH INTO HER ASS!!!

    I have to fight every day to keep that hairbrush as my own.

  • JGo555

    DOn’t knock it till you try it. ESPECIALLY with the right lube & the right PERSON.

    Your prostate will thank you.

  • Valerie

     Yeah, those blood clots don’t always work themselves out. 

    (I gagged while writing that).

  • pikeman

    Mine involves pink lace and skimpy panties as I run through town in a snow storm fwapping it in the wind.

    Well, not really.

  • Lena60

    “I did not do it, like he said I did’.We have a pretty good idea of how you did it fucktard.The child was murdered by you, you got caught, enough said, crybaby.

  • lalalandmamma

    Jebus Christmas, and I thought my crazy bitch of a mother took the cake for breaking several hairbrushes on my head when i wouldn’t stop squiggling around on Sunday hair dressing night. I mean damn, she was heavy handed as hell (that was long before that detangling spray I use on my kids). But for constipation, I only got Scott’s Emulsion, or straight up cod liver oil. That shit sure as hell tasted like child abuse though.

  • lalalandmamma

    Constipation relief suppositories for infants are still little melty sticks you put in their butts. I have some in the cupboard right now. No one ever mentioned the boiling water though. No wonder it took so long to potty train those little hellions.

  • http://twitter.com/AngelsMom0806 Angels Mom

    Hey Jaded, good to see you back. You were missed.

  • malq

    what are you doing later today?

  • christopher whiteman

    this women is inclined to rape herself with a broken broom handle

  • christopher whiteman

    the stuff you always use, sperm

  • JGo555

    ;)

  • newstarshipsmell ™

    Sort of creeped out a bit that you’re spying on me in the bathroom. But if that’s what floats your boat, so be it, just please keep your distance.

  • captaingrumpy

    Some people I just don’t believe they are human.

  • captaingrumpy

    They are the crappiest things on earth.