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Man Charged After Attacking Wife With Box Of Cheez It Snack CrackersPALM BAY, Fl – Police have arrested a man after they say he got angry with his wife over her attending a concert, and attacked her with a box of Cheez-It snack crackers.

Police say 37-year-old Andy Gatz got into an argument with his wife on Monday after she attended an Earth Day concert. At the time of the confrontation, Gatz was under a court-ordered injunction to avoid having any contact with his wife.

During this argument, Gatz allegedly threw a box of Cheez-Its at her face, injuring her eye.

“A small square cracker apparently went into her right eye and caused her injury,” said Yvonne Martinez, spokeswoman for the Palm Bay Police Department.

Gatz had already left the home before police arrived, but turned himself in later. He told police he tossed a single Cheez-It cracker at his wife, not the entire box. He was arrested and charged with battery and violation of an injunction.

Gatz was allowed to leave jail on community supervision, but ordered to have no further contact with his wife.

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  • crazyonehere

    this has to be the most cheesy story i ever read on the dreamin demon

  • OutOfBubbleGum

    To rekindle that spark that seems missing in this marriage, would his wife need to purchase exotic, pink, sexy safety goggles?

    {You can’t know how close I came to typing google instead of goggle.}

  • sugarpie

    1st a cheez-it, next a triscit.  When will the madness end.

  • CT

    This sort of shit is the reason we only keep Goldfish crackers as our cheesy snack in our house.  A soft bag will much less damage when used as a flying weapon.  I give lots of thoughts to things that could someday impale.

    He said he only threw one cracker.  It must have been the Ninja style instead of the white cheddar or the duos style to do that sort of damage.   

  • neenaP

    He threw a single cracker RIGHHHHHTT. if she has a PO she can get into trouble for hanging out with him

  • CT

    Yeah Florida!

  • Sam

    That mugshot is giving me the shivers. Like he’s shouting “WHAT bitch! Don’t MAKE me unwrap the sausage rolls!” at me.

  • Jycorro

    He could be a cracker ninga and when he whips out that saltine…. STAND BACK!

  • CT

     It could have been a Hot Pocket.  :shivers:

  • sugarpie

    Stop!  You’re scaring me!  

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    We’re number one!

  • OutOfBubbleGum

    One has to ask, was this a Food Lion size Cheese-It box or the massive, jumbo, live for six months after the holocaust Sam’s Club size?  For safety reasons, size does matter; therefore, smaller beats large.

  • Gee

    This Guy has great aim with one cracker. Just saying

  • JohnQknowitall

    What are the chances: LOSER… or would that be winner, no loser…

  • LeaveMeBe

    I don’t always throw crackers, but when I do, I make sure they are Keebler Buttercrisps topped with beef summer sausage and Muenster cheese because I’m classy like that.

  • Texas Ranger

    I don’t know how in the Wide Wide World of Sports the cop who took her statement didn’t go “Quit bein a tit-bag and suck it up bitch it was a fuckin cracker, call me when you get a real injury…say,…a paper cut” I would have anyways….

  • http://truecrimereport.com iLLusionS

    I once attacked my boxer dog with an empty box of Softees Donuts that he had stole…..If he could have talked he probably would have said it was worth it……

  • Texas Ranger

    Me too…cept I would never waste good summer sausage on any asshole I’d throw a cracker at.Gotta have principles.

  • Texas Ranger

    Naw….he was probably like…”bitch quit hittin me and bring me some donuts.” Boxers are like that.

  • http://truecrimereport.com iLLusionS

    Well due to him the box was empty, so the only scary thing about it was that hollow cardboard sound…… powdered donuts evidence all over his wrinkly face!

  • Texas Ranger

    Must be a purebred Boxer…. A Street-Boxer would have gotten rid of the evidence.

  • JGo555

    If I was to be a victim of DV (not Dakota Valkerie), I would like to pick my abuser’s weapon. I’d pick a box of cheez itz.

    Then again, I would’ve been featured in this website, long before for chopping his balls off. That’s where testosterone lies, and his ass will forever remember, hate & behave with me.

  • JGo555

    A WOMAN empanada!

  • LeaveMeBe

    Tit-bag! OMG, my whole family still says this. I have never heard it from anyone else. :)

  • JGo555

    Whole grain cheez it then and BAGS (alum/foil bags) can cut you, or poke you under the fingernails.

  • Gee

    What really happen was: He was tossing crackers into her mouth and one missed and hit her in the eye and she got all butt hurt.  I am just trying to figure out how bad could this injury have been.

  • LeaveMeBe

    Reading stuff like this just reinforces that my dog was a total redneck. He never got into the trash unless there were corn dog sticks to gnaw on or Wolf Brand Chili cans to be licked. My horse was a freak for fried chicken, cheetos and Dr. Pepper.

    Says a lot about me, huh?

  • EveryVillainIsLemons

    It could have damaged her cornea.  Eye injuries, no matter what the cause, are serious business. 

  • EveryVillainIsLemons

    Charming fellow.  I simply can’t imagine why the court would order the bitchbaby not to have any contact with his wife.  And how is it any of his damned business if she attends an Earth Day concert?  What a control freak!

  • Lena60

    lmao, they can be cute with their, “what did I do wrinkly faces”

  • Texas Ranger

    Ummmmm…..What address can I send the restraining order I’m getting for you to?

  • Texas Ranger

    Agreed they are serious…..but you pack your shit and go to an eye doctor, don’t call out the SWAT team. I’m guessing that NORAD will be contacted by her if the dude ever weilds anything more “lethal” than a cracker.

  • Texas Ranger

    I guess that means we are “connected” You have Allstate insurance too?…..

  • Zazen

    You know, if he’d attacked her with a box of Klondike Bars he might’ve wrangled a reconcilement out of it. Dumbass.

  • LeaveMeBe

    “I also have Allstate, same agent and everything..” (said in my best Dennis Haysbert imitation)

    AND, my Granny worked for Allstate for 30 years. :)

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    First world problems…

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    NORAD would be the least of my men’s problems if either ever threw a cracker at me. 

  • http://twitter.com/tinalib13 Tina Wech

    I have Allstate, so we’re definitely connected.  No wonder I feel so close to you lol.

  • http://twitter.com/tinalib13 Tina Wech

    Or he might’ve said, “Do you want some dip to go with that cracker…?”

  • JGo555

    *Chants* Pictures, pictures!

  • Chinchillazilla

    I wouldn’t mind if someone wanted to throw a few Cheez-its at my face right now. I’m hungry.

  • JGo555

    CANADA!

  • Abroad

    Cheez-its throwing stars? Whatever will be next……

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