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Joppa, MD– A 39-year-old Maryland woman(?), Lisa Carroll, has been arrested on nine counts of unlawful sexual activity with a minor and one count of traveling to meet a minor after her online gaming relationship with a 16-year-old Florida boy allegedly got all “4 realz” and stuff.

The two reportedly “met” while playing the game “War 2 Glory” from the comfort of their respective homes, where they teamed up to bomb various targets.  At least one of those targets, judging from the mug shot, must have been Ms. Carroll’s face.  The relationship soon morphed to a nausea-inducing level when they began to chat via Skype.

Now, you would think that the visage of Carroll, even taking into account a bad Internet connection, choppy video, and the hormones produced by 16-year-old testicles, would be enough to send anyone into a violent fit of dry retching, but that was apparently not the case.  According to police reports, Carroll traveled 800 miles to a Southwest Florida hotel to consummate their near-bestial bond.  The two also claim to have agreed to, at some point, get married.  And now, dear readers, the vomit is right at the top of my throat.

When the boy’s parents caught wind of their son’s crime against humanity, they stepped in and got the police involved.  That’s when the story gets completely obscene, because officers serving their warrant on Carroll on April 5th discovered that she was already married to a man who was previously unaware of her statutory indiscretions.  That’s right.  Not just one, but at least two human males, have run that beastly gauntlet.

Carroll’s actions would not constitute a crime in Maryland, where the legal age is 16.  However, in Florida, it’s a crime for anyone over the age of 23 to have sex with someone 17 years of age or younger.  Our heroine is currently awaiting an extradition hearing.

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  • CT

    Holy Moses!  Are 16 year old boys truly that hard up?  Get it? Hard up.  Yeah, I explained it to you.  Whatcha gonna do about it?  

  • SayAunt

    Plucked Her Eyebrows On The Way
    Shaved Her Leg And Then She Was He – She Said:
    Take a walk on a wildebeast

  • newstarshipsmell ™

    Doubtless a single photo of the teenager involved would explain clearly why he was willing to copulate with that.

  • newstarshipsmell ™

    Ask you to explain it to me some more?

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    I’m sorry, War 2 Glory? What kind of cheap ass America’s Army knock off shit is that? Oh yea, and she’s ugly and stuff. 

  • CT

     Is this my husband again?

  • Jycorro

    All someone had to do was throw a Scoobie snack into a busy intersection. Problem solved.

  • sugarpie

    800 miles for sex with a teenage boy – I just can’t see getting your money’s worth out of that trip.  But then again, her hubby likely locked the bedroom door long ago.  I’m sure the kid will wait for her. . . 

  • CT

    So they became engaged?  What I want to know is – who asked who?  Damn it, she is really ugly.  I know, I know, looks aren’t everything but Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, two people asked this woman to marry them?  WTF.  I just can’t wrap my head around it.  Is the the beady eyes, facial hair, neck rolls (god, imagine what the rest of her looks like) or the jowls that draws them in?  If I had to stereotype her – I’d go for lesbian perhaps?  And obviously not the hot for teacher type of lesbian.

  • Zazen

    I’m sure it’s her great personality… I think?

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/WildlifeSeriaLKiller Darrell FIne

     And with gas 4 bucks a gallon at that! That is one fugly broad.

  • CT

    Don’t you wish you could be a fly on the wall and hear their conversations when they were together?  I’d gather it was magical and something a Mensa member would be jealous of.   

  • OutOfBubbleGum

    I’m a Marylander.  She’s an absolute ’10’ for my state standards.  Our average women look like Senator Babs Mikulski. 

    The reason we added toll booths to I-95 above White Marsh is to just get a glance of dream girls.  And, a dream girl to a Maryland boy is one that has teeth and $3.00 dollars for toll money.  We perfer girls with only $3.00 dollars.  We hate the ones that can afford to leave my state.

  • http://tothechest.com Pete Puma

    I don’t know what her War 2 Glory bombing skills are like, but I’m pretty certain her photo-bombing abilities are beyond reproach.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_7N6KYE5OZO7WNUYTTYEDVWOINE Marysa Nieves

    She must got SWAG for days!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_7N6KYE5OZO7WNUYTTYEDVWOINE Marysa Nieves

    *planning trip to Maryland* I’ll finally be able to assemble an all male harem….wait til you get a load of me, fellas!

  • newstarshipsmell ™

    “god, imagine what the rest of her looks like”

    Why in hell would I want to do that!?

  • CT

    I did and I still cannot stop crying.  :sobs:

  • newstarshipsmell ™

    Wait till you get a load of what passes for men in Maryland.

  • sherrdbw

    Is that the woman or the what?

  • newstarshipsmell ™

    That’s so fucking cruel. Have you no empathy whatsoever for the poor responding EMTs forced to attempt resuscitation?

  • sherrdbw

    Maybe she just takes a bad picture. Not everyone is a supermodel.

  • sherrdbw

    Shallow, shallow, shallow!

  • newstarshipsmell ™

    Pete, I’m surprised you left out the part where Animal Control had to transfer the confused and distraught parents to the non-emergency police line.

  • OutOfBubbleGum

    That’s awesome, ‘Male Harem.’ 

    What paperwork do I need to fillout to get MOM, the boy governor, in your harem?  He handsome by most standards, but every year, he’s always a billion dollar short.

    MOM – Martin Owe’Malley

  • http://www.facebook.com/HamsterNinjaofDOOM Alecia Hendricks

    Still true.

  • http://www.facebook.com/HamsterNinjaofDOOM Alecia Hendricks

    Everyone is beautiful on the inside 😀

    Unfortunately her insides aren’t pictured so BURN THE SHEBEAST

  • http://tothechest.com Pete Puma

    I was starting to feel bad about how hard I was being on her looks…eh, who am I kidding?

  • http://www.facebook.com/HamsterNinjaofDOOM Alecia Hendricks

     I find this comment funny considering your other comments seemed to be voicing offense taken at people for commenting on her looks.

  • Zazen

    In this case no, I really don’t think I have the strength. I do some online gaming, and I guess I must be jaded from the total onslaught of super-concentrated retardery from the in-game chat. I just don’t think I could watch it come out of the mouth of that frightfest up top.

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    They have mouth guards.

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    Uh, animal control doesn’t deal with livestock.

  • derae

    I honestly thought that was a guy.  I had reread the article to make sure it wasn’t a typo……suddenly I feel skinnier and sexy ;p

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_SZTEOIXOLRM5M2VDKZHSZICFDA CDJ527

    You are not taking into account that this kid is from “Southwest Florida”.  That’s redneck territory there, this woman (?) is probably the hottest chick (?) this kid has seen in his 16 years!  Give him a break….

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/WildlifeSeriaLKiller Darrell FIne

     I’m a supermodel. I’m awesome.

  • Zazen

    I was figuring that had to have been sarcasm, because she is ugly enough to make a train take a dirt road.

  • http://twitter.com/AngelsMom0806 Angels Mom

    D A Y S!!!!

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/JOGWT7OCI45HTFI4TBQ6XHWKLE Rouse

    I bet she has a mean FUPA.

  • sherrdbw

    The other comments are sarcastic. I’ve learned not to be offended by anything on this site.

  • http://twitter.com/AngelsMom0806 Angels Mom

    I think she was being sarcastic. We’re currently petitioning for a sarcasm, “oh shit”, “dislike” and “dammmmnnnn” button. 

  • sherrdbw

    What do we need to do to get a big, red, flashing SARCASM button in this joint?

  • newstarshipsmell ™

    Don’t forget Zazen’s Groan button.

  • HotReadingMama

    I’m from Maryland. I’m at least a 4. 

  • reapre

    If you drag “her” image onto the search bar of “Google Images”, it comes back with 16 “similar pictures”…my set of 16 pictures, has “her” picture, along with 13 other men, and 2 other women.  Even Google is betting 13-16 odds that this is a man.

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    Um, I live in SW Florida and it’s not Redneck Central, that would be Northern Florida and the interior of the state. There are a lot of good looking girls here, most are stupid and skanky, but still pretty enough until the alcohol and cigarettes do their thing anyway. 
    The only really redneck-esq area would probably be Buckingham, but that’s mainly wealthy people with giant parcels of land for their horses. 
    If you want Rednecks you have to go to the panhandle.  

  • HotReadingMama

    “their son’s crime against humanity'” HAR

  • Zazen

    Additionally… all these years I’ve been imagining semi-human trogloditic creatures typing the garbage in chat. I’m not too pleased about being proven right.

  • OutOfBubbleGum

    If only the 1950’s had 2012’s cable television technology, then she’d a shoe in for fame and a life in Hollywood.

    First, you feared Godzilla.  Then you feared greater terror, Son of Godzilla.

    Then, you watched in horror of Frankenstein.  It was followed by the evil Bride of Frankenstein.

    Now, you fear mongering fans, don’t open that front door.  Men hide under you couch.  In the footsteps of her father, the OWN network releases Son of Rosie O’Donnell.  It’s an epic zombie tale of a loveless woman driven or driving to find true love.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

     Yes … Shallow,but correct all the same.

  • newstarshipsmell ™
  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

     She looks like she may have a penis bigger than even mine.

  • http://www.facebook.com/HamsterNinjaofDOOM Alecia Hendricks

     Sarcasm is an elusive beast in the interwebs ;_;

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

     If we didn’t know – now we do.

  • sherrdbw

    HI, Cedric!

  • newstarshipsmell ™

    They also have sight.

  • JohnQknowitall

    I cannot think of anything more boring than sex with someone under the age of 25 years old.

  • http://twitter.com/AngelsMom0806 Angels Mom

    That one needs to be first.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Shannon-Bennett/1803988499 Shannon Bennett

    I refuse to believe he’s really a she without some concrete medical documentation or something.

  • sherrdbw

    Maybe she is just having a bad hair day. With some makeup and a flat iron, she might not be half bad. Oh, never mind.

  • http://twitter.com/AngelsMom0806 Angels Mom

    Agreed

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

    Hmm … maybe  Lisa opens her legs and the Black Hole sucks up everything close enough to it’s time space continuum … including the unfortunate boys penis – I’m thinking the teen had no choice … he was powerless against Lisa’s obscene force of nature … his penis most likely teleported, or warped drove into the Beasts center so fast that he wasn’t aware of what happened until it struck a nut.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

     Good morning,happy Friday the 13th.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

     In Texas they do.

  • newstarshipsmell ™

     If he had had any sort of normal, healthy reaction to the sight of her naked singularity, his penis would’ve quantum tunneled clean out of our brane. Face it, he wanted this.

  • JGo555

    It ain’t a cime against humanity nor bestiality, if “SHE” is really a “He”. He’s not a bad looking male.

    I WAS gonna call you a liar, @petepuma:disqus but you wrote that article correctly by not refering to “It” as a female more than once.

  • JGo555

    MOtherfucking yeah!

  • JGo555

    She’s a great cook AND likes video games? WHat male doesn’t like food & video games?

  • Zazen

    Just so long as they don’t implement the ‘Squish’ button.

    Don’t squish me bro!! D<

  • JGo555

    TOo  many hornies would use it for fapping, ya know?

  • CT

    I live in VA – just over the boarder of MD.  Come visit me.  I have all of my teeth.  I swear.  

  • JGo555

    But you’re black! You were born with a monster cock! DON’T RUIN MY DREAM!!!

  • Zazen

    Really lucky for her then =D

  • JGo555

    APOCALIPTIC!

  • CT

    Super-concentrated retardery almost made me pee my pants – OK, OK, maybe incontinence had something to do with it too.

  • CT

    Good point.  In all seriousness, how good can sex with a 16 year old be?  

  • CT

     For some reason the thought of her hair flat ironed had me cracking up.  All I could imagine was something like this.

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    They don’t in Florida. I found out once when I asked them to come get a chicken that had started to wander around my home before I knew they were essentially wild in Florida. I was told that since it was livestock they don’t deal with them. 

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    And knowing is half the battle… the other half is violence.

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    Apparently, the kid thought the same thing.

  • CT

    JGO – what makes you think she is a good cook?  Well, other than the fact she appears to be a fattie?  Pete Puma – I read the ENTIRE article twice to be sure that wasn’t mentioned. I can follow the rules. 

    I really, really wish a relative would find this post.  Damn, now that would be some fun times after all of this.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JTXWGMNM36EPO6SQLBO7XCH4PE Trish D

    Pete, there are so many quotes in your article that made me laugh out loud (dangerous at work) so I can’t pick one.  But seriously, that is one ugly heifer of a woman.  amazing that she convinced 2 guys to mate with her.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_7N6KYE5OZO7WNUYTTYEDVWOINE Marysa Nieves

    *shrugs* I may be willing to see past their looks if they are enthusiastic & shall we say, “well- equipped” 😉

  • JohnQknowitall

    Well it would be quick.

  • http://profiles.google.com/coldlogic HAL 9000

    Why did they take a mugshot of the boy? Odd.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_7N6KYE5OZO7WNUYTTYEDVWOINE Marysa Nieves

    No politicians need apply…….

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_7N6KYE5OZO7WNUYTTYEDVWOINE Marysa Nieves

    We could always turn that ass inside out!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

     True,but do they really make paper bags big enough to put over this Bitch ?

  • sherrdbw

    Don’t say mean things about such a cute dog. Ok, maybe some wavy extensions with highlights. How about blonde?

  • Zazen

    Well I dunno, gamers don’t cook anything with a more than 7 minute prep time. But I’ll bet she has a spam and macaroni casserole that is JUST TO DIE FOR!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_7N6KYE5OZO7WNUYTTYEDVWOINE Marysa Nieves

    I’m sure you’re at least a 5.5- we are always hardest on ourselves….

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

     WOW – I needs to move … you guys have free fried chicken just walking around.

  • sherrdbw

    Ced, Sometimes I have to grit my teeth when I read some of your comments. You are very imaginative…and graphic.

  • Zazen

    Call it free range chicken and have a cookout?

  • TinyCyborg

    yeah my recent trip to Baltimore on a particularly warm day was a little unnerving when I thought I ran into a BBBW hooker convention only to discover fishnets and underwear are accepted Maryland garb on women over 200 lbs. 

  • PhantasmaGora

    Swallow,swallow and swallow?

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

     I hear you my friend … maybe she wouldn’t even be in this mess if she had just heeded your great advice and played an entirely different game :

    WOMEN’S EDITION

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

     Back when I was a teen it was actually pretty good.

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    Shows what you know. Every person in my house is a gamer and we all cook very well. There are no snacks or garbage food in my house. You can pop a butterflied chicken in the oven and it gives you about an hour and a half to get on the computer. 

  • CT

    For you, sure but even at my advanced age I remember sex being shitty but not knowing any better.  

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

     Bet I know who wears the pants in her family.

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    It Florida, we everything just walking, slithering, swimming, and flying around. Nothing non-native dies here. If some numbnuts brings it, gets tired of it, and lets it go it will thrive here. 

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    I couldn’t kill an animal. Even though I play violent video games they haven’t indoctrinated me yet. 

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

     Haven’t you noticed how much I have toned down lately ? I used to hit you guys with bricks … now it’s more of a soft,dirty sponge.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_7N6KYE5OZO7WNUYTTYEDVWOINE Marysa Nieves

    LMFOA! *tears*

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_7N6KYE5OZO7WNUYTTYEDVWOINE Marysa Nieves

    *LMF- AO

  • newstarshipsmell ™

     I’m so glad you’re back.

  • http://twitter.com/AngelsMom0806 Angels Mom

    Not true, I’m a gamer (well I was when I had time. LOL).

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

     Thank you – and have a nice,safe weekend.

  • Zazen

    Ah, I was just playing on an old gamer cliche. I mean hell, you know it’s ingrained when there’s a pizza timer on some in-game addons!

    …but I wouldn’t know anything about that >.>

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_TQNRXAMACWQ7AQWGY6WMPACXBE David

    So.. who knew Jim Belushi was female?

  • Zazen

    Actually, when I first saw your comment, I thought I read ‘Swallow, swallow, swallow!’

    Then I ran away screaming.

  • http://twitter.com/AngelsMom0806 Angels Mom

    HA!!

  • Zazen

    GODDAMNIT ><

    You're like a bad taste ninja sometimes. I kinda like that about you.

  • girlygerd

    In the words of the Jersey shore crew (oh yea im goin there) I would say land mine but she travels so we’ll go with total grenade

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    You name it, literally. There’s three of us so we have tons of different games to satisfy all our tastes. I just downloaded Legends of Grimrock on Steam. But I play shooters, RTS, RPG (huge Bioware fangirl), fighting, and racing. I also play table top RPGs, cause I’m a nerd like that. 

  • http://twitter.com/AngelsMom0806 Angels Mom

    I’m sure as a teen and young man you were great for that age but there probably isn’t any comparison to how you are now. 

  • Zazen

    Right? The witness protection guys must be soooo pissed

  • curiousalways

    hats off to  you Pete, great write up.

  • http://oddlyunfocused.blogspot.com/ Eccentric_Lady

    Good write up there Pete!

    Yeah, you caught my sentiments precisely too: ” A 39-year-old Maryland woman(?)”

    For she looks like she needs more estrogen….

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

    Thanks … but I meant it was good for me – I still remember one of my girlfriends looking at me with that totally unsatisfied look you women look at “other” guys with sometimes and saying “I didn’t finish,I want some more”. I also remember getting on up, pulling up my pants and thinking – “Well I got mine, guess you’re going to have to get yours another time.”

    Teen boys value the girl getting hers about the same as they value Broccoli.

  • CT

     You are on fire today.

  • JohnQknowitall

    Yeah, well that is the way you remember it.  LOL

  • Zazen

    Perhaps we should henceforth refer to beasts like her as a (wo)man.

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    “Woman. Wo-man. Whoa, man!” — So I Married An Axe Murderer

  • Wildheart

    You are all on fire…..you had me at ” Is this my husband again?”  I am having a helpless laughter fit with bits of sweet potato fries flecking my monitor…..although that could have just been my initial reaction to the picture of the wildebeest above.

  • Wolf_of_Mars

    HEY!  I live in North Florida.  That kind of swamp beast isn’t allowed to breed here, either.  And, there are PLENTY of “Moon Pie & RC Cola” redneck “French kissed by a Mack Truck” monsters between Sarasota & Fort Myers, too!  **Shivering**

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    I didn’t say you were ugly. I said N Florida is country. You know it gets a bit yee haw from Tallahassee on up. 
    Everywhere has rednecks, we just keep ours in Buckingham and Estero. 😉

  • sherrdbw

    I need to be a gamer. I bought a Wii system over a year ago and still haven’t taken it out of the box.

  • sherrdbw

    Aren’t there any hot military guys there?

  • sherrdbw

    Yeah, that’s what all the people from AL say online.

  • Wolf_of_Mars

     Tallahassee is only about 30 miles from the FL/GA State lines…  FSU (in Tallahassee) has “won” the title of prettiest women on campus several years running, and in terms of debating the local “Yee-Haw” stupidity, it also had Nobel Laureate Paul Diroc as part of the particle physics team…  Has your local university campus attracted any Nobel Laureates to it’s staff?  And, yeah, you did intimate that we’re some kind of ugly here…

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    Be more butt-hurt. To be perfectly honest with you I kind think that the whole state is bit backward and late to the party. I don’t care how many Nobel laureates you have on staff, you’re still no UF. As for prettiest girls, who voted? Not me. I’m sure the voting pool is sound though. Try and have a sense of humor. It’ll help when you leave school. Until then go find some other windmill at which to tilt.

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    Wiis are for girls. ; b

  • sherrdbw

    Then what are for women? I have a DSi still in the box, too.

  • sherrdbw

    Maybe a nice Moan button.

  • sherrdbw

    So handcuffs and ropes, huh?

  • sherrdbw

    Come on Cedric, what about some nice roasted Rosemary-Garlic chicken with red-skinned mash potatoes and fresh green beans. Mine are great.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

     I want on that list please.

  • annagg

    I take it that this is the 16 year old?

  • annagg

     Oh damn, that hurts…hitting below the waist, Cedric. What would your mamma say?

  • annagg

     Oh, God, I think I am gonna be sick!

  • jennie1974

    Spatchcocked chicken… cooks so evenly and moist!

  • jennie1974

    Tell me what the men look like and I might move there. I like crab cakes .

  • jennie1974

    Good Fried chicken is the closest one can get to heaven on earth

  • pikeman

    Wow, Belushi has been reincarnated as a woman perv.

  • SkummyRummy

    That’s a women??!?!?? Gross!
    Seeing all these ugly ass bitches fuckn youngns makes me wonder how the kid looks. Does it really matter? No. Bitch still be a pedo…but I’m like really?!?! That’s the best thing you can find?!?! Are there no girls in your school or some shit? Nobody you can find your age that has similar interests (like playn a fuckn video game)? Maybe its cuz he’s in Florida but I still feel there has to be a few good lookn people there…

  • SkummyRummy

    A big ass garage bag would do the trick :p

  • OutOfBubbleGum

    I forgot to add; we’re a liberal state.  Thus, we grade on a crub.  On any curb, any moving woman is an instant drunk Author ’10’.

  • sherrdbw

    Alabama has pretty women…somewhere.

  • sherrdbw

    I finally looked up the word FUPA yesterday. The accompanying pictures were alarming to say the least. What do the letters FUPA stand for anyway?

  • sherrdbw

    I used to call my ex-husband “the minute man” and he actually thought that was funny. And that was only a few years ago. 

  • FrikkenFrak

    Girl, that is WAY past even grenade status.   We’re talking about H bomb material! 

  • FrikkenFrak

    Is that Chaz Bono?

  • JohnQknowitall

    Well I hope things improved… or maybe that is perfect. Who am I to judge?

  • Babydoll0630

    LOL..I play WoW and showed my pic ONCE.  BIG mistake….omg so and so’s wife is so beautiful……..made me uncomfortable.   Horny dorks….I’m an 8 at my best..LOL

  • Babydoll0630

    but a 7 at my worst…LOL.

  • Babydoll0630

    That’s only AFTER having a child……

  • http://twitter.com/AngelsMom0806 Angels Mom

    I have an Xbox 360 and a Wii (I play games with my son on it). I was thinking about getting a PS3. You can do a little gaming on a Wii. They’re trying to get gamers on there but it’s slow going.

  • Heather_Habilatory

     I have a ton of those! I buy them from Sam’s Club. I think I have enough.

  • Heather_Habilatory

     BUAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAA!omg. I almost peed myself. You seem to make people do that a lot!

  • Heather_Habilatory

     Here they do!

  • Heather_Habilatory

     I have a penguin I need to get rid of.

  • Heather_Habilatory

    Well. I feel prettier already. 

  • http://truecrimereport.com iLLusionS

    Pete, that was some funny stuff right there I have to hand it to you.

    I was a little amazed that she was interested in men at all. With that whole early 90’s Rosie O’Donnell haircut she had going on. But. I am sure, as other posters suggest, the picture of this teen (or at least this teens parents) might give us some real answers…
    I am just glad they haven’t been allowed to mate, and reproduce a litter of puppies!

  • reapre

    I think my ex-girlfriend had 61 boyfriends before me.

    She always used to call me her “sixty-second lover”.

  • sherrdbw

    But think about all of that previous sexual experience that she graced you with, or could you have just misunderstood her?

  • sherrdbw

    OK Cedric, for Sunday night dinner, it’s marinated roast with fresh potatoes, onions, mushrooms, carrots, asparagus and garlic. Yum yum.

  • reapre

     ‘Twas a joke.

    I have the exact opposite problem.  And it IS a problem.

  • sherrdbw

    Oh yea, I also grind my own salt and pepper. A motherfucker will not starve at my house!

  • sherrdbw

    I can understand the boy being young, foolish and impressionable, but what is that bitch’s problem? How many men does she need?

  • sherrdbw

    Wow, someone is lucky!

  • sherrdbw

    Just cut some eye holes.

  • reapre

     Not really.  It’s really hard to get off at times.  A lot of the time after 45mins to an hour, I just quit, because I know it’s not going to happen.

  • sherrdbw

    I’m asking purely out of ignorance, but what happens if it doesn’t happen? Are men dissatisfied? Or is it just better luck next time. Or is it just fine?

  • sherrdbw

    I’m late to the game but, yes Darrell, you are awesome! You had my back when we talked to that idiot Jeff D.

  • sherrdbw

    When I was in Hawaii, they had Spam and rice sushi tied together with a little seaweed bow. I passed.

  • sherrdbw

    Cedric you sounded like such a romantic in your teen years.

  • RobynneB

    Except for children….

  • reapre

    Since it’s something I’m used to, I don’t place a huge gratuitous value on it.  However at times, it feels that that specific sexy time is more or less, a waste of my time.  I get off, or I do not, that’s pretty much it.  It’s not your fault, so there is no “dissatisfaction”.  

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    I have a PC, a PS2 & 3, and and Xbox 360. My nephew has a Wii, but I’m trying to get him off it.

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    I love my PS3. Honestly, both systems have good and bad points. I like racing games on the 360 better, but I prefer the PS3 for stuff like Arkham City. Anything graphic intensive or multiplayer is on my PC.

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    I will take it! 😉

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    I’ve never been, only driven through. 

  • Bulletproof

    I am putting Maryland on notice to keep your redneck pedophiles in YOUR state, because we do not want that trash marring the pristine, crime-free landscape of Florida. 

  • Bulletproof

    Whoo hoo! You sound like your right in my area, snark. We’re twins!! Now let’s not forget North Ft Myers for rednecks though. If your truck isn’t on tractor tires out there, you’re NOBODY.

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    Yea, I try and stay between Naples and Downtown Ft Myers. Isn’t N Ft Myers the place that has the Red Neck Yacht Club? Sigh.

  • Califboy

    That bitch should have to register that face as a weapon, poor kid should file assault and battery on her ugly ass mug.

  • Califboy

     My brother weighs 300 pounds and is 6’2″, as he was standing next to a coworker that weighs 450 he said he felt anorexic, the bigger fuck did not think it was funny!!

  • Heather_Habilatory

     I should file assault and battery! We all should!

  • Heather_Habilatory

    Okay, but he also comes with a real joker….

  • malq

    pete
    you got the title wrong, it says “woman”

  • malq

    Strangely I feel pretty too. Not pretty gay, just pretty

  • Califboy

     I was in that club, got mine, next time you better get yours faster..

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  • http://twitter.com/LAINIE74 Elaine Campey

    She truly us the ugliest of fuckpigs. Only a 16 year old gloit with Numbnuts would shag that old boot. I’d hire her as a nannycos no hubby would fuck that labrawhore!