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Vancouver, BC – Police called to a Vancouver car wash after reports of screams discovered the source to be three men who had run themselves through the car wash while naked in a shopping cart.

Abbotsford police – called to the car wash at around midnight by concerned neighbors – arrived to find the three reportedly ‘sore’ 20-year-olds putting their clothes back on.

“They decided it would be a really good idea to strip down and run themselves [in] the cart through the car wash. Need I say they were intoxicated?” said Constable Ian MacDonald.

The police report noted that the men made the mistake of selecting either the “typhoon” or “super typhoon” mode. Let’s all take a moment to thank the good Lord that the car wash didn’t have the dreaded “hyper-mega typhoon” setting – which is believed to have been outlawed in most Canadian provinces.

After reportedly making sure the men were not injured and after listening to their apologies for what they recognized as a ‘poor life choice,’ police sent the three men home to sleep it off.

Abbotsford police – apparently seeing the humor in this – posted a tweet after the incident warning their followers that “pressure washing yourself will not increase intelligence or sobriety.”

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  • JohnQknowitall

    I for one am disappointed by the content of this article. I expected much more from DD such as complete agony, coma, or genitalia mutilation. I am beside myself here and my coffee…

  • sugarpie

    Lololololololol …… hahahahahahaha …..hahahahahahahaha

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    Well, now I’ll never be happy until I find a car wash with a hyper mega typhoon option. Thanks, Kniption, my life is just a little bit bleaker this morning. 

    Also, the cops sound awesome for not making a mountain out of a mole hill.

  • This sounds like fun actually. I may have tried to join them back in the day without a drink in my system. o.O

    I read the police twitter and that’s a good idea. They also seem to have a good sense of humor.

  •  Don’t most things sound fun whilest being DRUNK? Wonder what they were thinking the next morning? “Why am I all wet and what are all these black and blue marks over my entire body?”

  • kniption

    It can’t all be murder and mayhem, JQkia, lest we risk burnout.  Every once and a while…  just occasionally, mind you… the story of that man who paints his penis to look like the tail of a ring-tailed lemur and sneaks into a zoo at feeding time must be written.  

    It simply must.

  • “…the story of that man who paints his penis to look like the tail of a ring-tailed lemur and sneaks into a zoo at feeding time must be written.  ”

    Where is that story?

  • Ivan

    The Hangover Part III

  • Texas Ranger

    I’m guessing the “poor life choice” they are talking about was being Canadian. AY?

  • kniption

    Sadly, I was speaking figuratively, AM.  That story would practically write itself.  Sigh…

  • I think you should write it and put it in the Pulp Fiction section. What? It’s not like you’re exhausted and busy flying to Europe every two weeks for work or anything. You have plenty of time…on the flights. Chop chop man!

  • beatlechick

    Oh, Knipton! I just read this and laughed so hard at your outlawing of Hyper-Mega Typhoon Mode, that I almost collapsed. It’s nice to know it’s not all sad news on here. Keep the laughs coming, man!

  • Gee

     Oddly enough that doesn’t sound too far fetch for DD.  @kniption:disqus  you make it hard to fight the DD addiction I have going on. ;o)

  • Give it time…it’ll happen.

  • AssWho?

    Now a days that would have been a felony, and having to register for life here in the states. Wish we could go back to that point….

  • JGo555

    To the APD:

  • Gee

    Ha Ha … Budding Darwin award winners in the making.

  • curiousalways

    Is there another way to bathe?

  • rensuchan

    Yeah… any cop south of the Canadian border would have locked them up for indecent exposure.

  • JohnQknowitall

    After reading Morbid’s following article, your article served to put us all to peace so that the intesity of his article was multiplied exponentially.

    Jesus Christ did it multiply it!!!!

  • Lena60

    I wonder if they got the hot wax treatment.

  • sweekymom

    Ricky?  Julian?   Bubbles??

    “Oh my, Bubbles, is that you?  It’s me, Mrs. Anderson, your grade 3 teacher. …You know, it’s never too late to change the path you’re going down, boys.”

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    Step into my video game van and I’ll show you.

  • curiousalways

    I may be a little old for ya….but ok, I’m down for games. 

  • JGo555

    It’s EH?!

  • 62julietandvoid

    Well, I am happy with it. Made me giggle and smile.

  • JGo555

    Bubbles and Ricky both look like they need a bath.

  • LeaveMeBe

    I could have told them how this would turn out…

    I could also tell them how jumping in a swimming pool in below freezing weather and then sitting in a hot tub doesn’t keep your hair or arms from freezing to metal, but that’s another story…

  • sherrdbw

    I can’t believe that these guys were drunk. At least they care about good hygiene.

  • I was going to correct it since we say “eh” as well but I didn’t want to take the honor from you.

  • newstarshipsmell

    Yeah, I’ve always wanted to relocate to Vancouver, this story just strengthens that urge heh heh.

  • newstarshipsmell

    I have to agree (about it sounding like fun), but I definitely would want to wear a cup for it haha.

  • JGo555

    *Squeezes you*

  • EveryVillainIsLemons

    Maybe they were trying to get sobered up enough to drive home?

  • kniption

    Just FYI… You can find it on some bidets, also…

  • sweekymom

     But Julian always looks great.

  • goss,

  • girlygerd


  • pikeman

    Luckily they didn’t use the hot dry and wax option at the end of the cycle.

    This is normal shit for Canadians anyways. Why use the shower when you have the super cycle carwash down the street, eh?

  • pikeman

    That’s right. That’s how Canada got it’s name. They threw some letters in a hat. First they drew a C, eh, then they drew an N, eh, then they drew a D, eh, so they named it Canada.

  • Canuck Gramz

    Kniption you are awesome!! “Let’s all take a moment to thank the good Lord that the car wash didn’t have the dreaded “hyper-mega typhoon” setting – which is believed to have been outlawed in most Canadian provinces.” I’m a Canadian and you just know I will to check on that! LOL!

  • Canuck Gramz

    I would have been disappointed if someone didn’t say that – and I’m a Canadian! lol We just just in that “neck of the woods” last month.

  • chgplz

    They were probably laughing to hard to close the hand cuffs.

  • chgplz

    All I can say is that story was funny as hell the Rolling on the floor laughing my ass off kinda funny. Thanks I needed that.

  • Heather_Habilatory

     Oooooohh, reeeaaaaaallllyyyyy???

  • Heather_Habilatory


  • Lofl!!! *choking on my coffee*