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Iowa City, IA – Allen A. Bramwell, 25, was arrested on two counts of indecent exposure on March 23rd for exposing himself to women in two separate incidents.

Both women have positively identified him as the culprit.  He also faces charges of marijuana possession, preventing prosecution, and interference with official acts.  Normally, I might not cover this story since, you know, it’s just not my style and all.

However, there’s one very important, puzzling detail that piqued my interest. Let’s go over some of the details alleged by the police in their report and play a little guessing game, shall we?  Let’s keep in mind that I’m only going over what the report alleges.

Was it that he pulled out his dong to show it to two different women, five hours apart?  No.

Was it that the first incident occurred at 8:45 AM at Old Capitol Town Center and that he asked that woman for her name and phone number after wagging his willy at her?  No.

Was it that he was grinning at the second woman he flashed as she drove by in her car?  Nope.

Was it that he had over $1,000 in stolen property on his person when he was arrested?  Uh uh.

How about that he has admitted to being in the back of the squad car, attempting to eat an entire bag of marijuana?  Still not there yet, are we?

You’re terrible at this game, aren’t you?  Was it that he reportedly refused to give the authorities a correct address when they attempted to obtain a search warrant for his residence, or that he has a son old enough to provide the actual address to the police?  Still, no dice.  You’re getting frustrated, I can tell.

Okay, here it is.  It’s that he apparently had the phone number of the first woman to whom he exposed himself in the memory of his own mobile phone!

And now, I have a whole load of other unanswered questions in my awesome brain, such as:  Is his organ so impressive that she couldn’t help but to oblige his request for her number?  Was it that she was so lonely and/or desperate that she couldn’t pass up an opportunity like the one he offered?  Did he somehow surreptitiously obtain the number in some Houdini-esque sleight of hand?  Did he know her beforehand?  Did he use intimidation to obtain her number?

My brain is just about to explode, so I’m going to have a Cadbury Creme Egg and sit silently in a corner for a while.

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  • JGo555

    For the record, the story underneath this one has a lot of ugly in it. And by ugly I mean the perps are ugly so, this guy?

    Not so bad.

  • JGo555

    Oh & apparently (and this is to the guys) Once a year: IT DOES WORK.

  • “Did he somehow surreptitiously obtain the number in some Houdini-esque sleight of hand? ”

    This get’s my vote.

    He’s a brotha in Iowa, that has to be a lonely existence. The only way to find true love is to whip it out and see if there are any takers. Eating the weed just helped with the pain of being alone and he stole stuff because it gave him a feeling of being alive. A feeling he would only feel if he found true love after eating weed and flashing his man meat. I call him misunderstood.

  • WOW!!! You can eat that stuff? Well. I thought only in baked brownies. But to eat it right out of the bag? What about the stems??? (Not that I personally know about that nasty stuff) (GRIN)

  • sugarpie

    Quick, somebody call an ambulance. 

  • sugarpie
  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    “Was it that the first incident occurred at 8:45 AM at Old Capitol Town Center and that he asked that woman for her name and phone number after wagging his willy at her?”

    Sadly, not the worst pick-up line I’ve heard.

  • CT

    Poor Allen, just trying to be a playa but I imagine it’s hard with a name like Allen.  

  • Poor guy is apparently doing it all wrong … Pete you on the other hand (See what I did there ? ) are doing it totally correct – nice write up.

  • Texas Ranger

    As for the phone number in his phone….every man has 1-800-Choke-That-Ho in their phone.

  • Can someone please explain to me what a black man is doing in Iowa City, Iowa to begin with?  Let’s start there and I think all the pieces of the puzzle will fall together.

  • curiousalways

    I think this dudes kind of cool.  I mean he goes after a chick with his willy and GETS her number.  then eats a WHOLE bag of pot IN a cop car.  Can anyone else on here say they have done either of those things?  huh?  one person step up. 

  • Texas Ranger

    Nope….and extremely glad I can’t. I have much loftier goals in mind.

  • curiousalways

    I hope you know I was being sarcastic in my comment……

  • aka jas

    Im so confused. I need to read that over again. (as I sit here and laugh at myself) I dont get it Pete!

  • Texas Ranger

    Sarcastic? naw I don’t see it at all. Nope.

  • zombiephile

    Piqued your interest. Not peaked.  😉

  • Nice catch!  I’m deservedly embarrassed about that one.

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    I think if I showed a member of the opposite sex one of my willies and asked for a number I might score it.

  • annagg

    You don’t bake it in the brownies, you fry it in butter on low until it gets really squishy and the butter turns brown. Then you press it on a fine sieve and you bake the brownies with the butter. The weed, tragically, gets tossed in the trash.

  • JohnQknowitall

    This could be the one interesting case in the courts of this country this year.

  • onlyme356

    I think he’s a stalker