Iowa City, IA – Allen A. Bramwell, 25, was arrested on two counts of indecent exposure on March 23rd for exposing himself to women in two separate incidents.
Both women have positively identified him as the culprit. He also faces charges of marijuana possession, preventing prosecution, and interference with official acts. Normally, I might not cover this story since, you know, it’s just not my style and all.
However, there’s one very important, puzzling detail that piqued my interest. Let’s go over some of the details alleged by the police in their report and play a little guessing game, shall we? Let’s keep in mind that I’m only going over what the report alleges.
Was it that he pulled out his dong to show it to two different women, five hours apart? No.
Was it that the first incident occurred at 8:45 AM at Old Capitol Town Center and that he asked that woman for her name and phone number after wagging his willy at her? No.
Was it that he was grinning at the second woman he flashed as she drove by in her car? Nope.
Was it that he had over $1,000 in stolen property on his person when he was arrested? Uh uh.
How about that he has admitted to being in the back of the squad car, attempting to eat an entire bag of marijuana? Still not there yet, are we?
You’re terrible at this game, aren’t you? Was it that he reportedly refused to give the authorities a correct address when they attempted to obtain a search warrant for his residence, or that he has a son old enough to provide the actual address to the police? Still, no dice. You’re getting frustrated, I can tell.
Okay, here it is. It’s that he apparently had the phone number of the first woman to whom he exposed himself in the memory of his own mobile phone!
And now, I have a whole load of other unanswered questions in my awesome brain, such as: Is his organ so impressive that she couldn’t help but to oblige his request for her number? Was it that she was so lonely and/or desperate that she couldn’t pass up an opportunity like the one he offered? Did he somehow surreptitiously obtain the number in some Houdini-esque sleight of hand? Did he know her beforehand? Did he use intimidation to obtain her number?
My brain is just about to explode, so I’m going to have a Cadbury Creme Egg and sit silently in a corner for a while.Tags: Allen Bramwell, Burglary, drug possession, Indecent Exposure, Iowa