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Pasco, FL – A 57-year-old Florida man is facing charges after he called 911 to complain that his wife would not let him look at Facebook in peace.

Doyle Hardwick only wanted to check his Facebook without his wife sitting next to him, so he tried to get her to go to bed with beer. But after consuming eight of them, his wife didn’t feel like moving and Hardwick called 911.

Caller (CLR) “says him and his wife are sitting next to each other,” the 911 transcript reads. “CLR is upset because she won’t go to bed. Now they are bickering about who has been drinking. CLR has had 4 beers. Wife has had 8 beers. … CLR is upset because she wouldn’t let him look at Facebook peacefully.”

When police arrived at the couple’s home, 54-year-old Julie Hardwick let them in and directed them towards her husband who was still on the phone with 911. Doyle Hardwick told the deputy that his wife was supposed to go to sleep after he gave her the beers because that was their agreement. “He wanted me to make his wife not sit next to him and go to bed like she was supposed to,” the deputy wrote in his report.

“I just wanted someone to make my wife do what I wanted her to do,” Hardwick told the deputy.

He was arrested and charged with misuse of 911. He would later plead guilty to the charge but fail to show up to start serving his 60 day jail sentence. An arrest warrant was issued and Hardwick turned himself in on Tuesday to start serving his time.

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That may seem like a harsh sentence, but this isn’t the first time Hardwick has abused 911. In 2010, he served 10 days in jail after calling 911 to report his neighbors were, “defecating in old vehicle fuel tanks.” He also asked the responding deputy for a ride to his daughter’s house.

Congratulations Mr. Hardwick, this just may be the dumbest story I’ve ever covered.

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  • Lena60

    Congratulations Mr. Hardwick, this just may be the dumbest story I’ve ever covered”. What do you expect from a guy named Doyle. 🙂

  •  “Man Calls 911 Because Wife Wouldn’t Let Him Browse Facebook Alone”

    Sounds like a crime to me.

  • CT

    She drank 8 beers?  WTF did he expect?  If I drank eight beers I’d be thrilled I made it out of bed without peeing in it. 

    Wonder what Prince Charming had on his FB page that he didn’t want her to see.

    If my spouse called 911 every time I didn’t do what he wanted me to do — do I have to finish this statement? 

  • SayAunt

    Sounds like Doyle had some business to take care of on the porn box and didn’t want the Mrs. partaking. 

  • Vannessa

    I guess at least he wasn’t beating her… but 911? Really? I kind of laugh thinking what If my ex had called 911 everytime I didn’t listen to him, instead of choking me.

  • What is up with Florida? Seems like more than a fair amount of these stories come from the Sunshine state.

  • Sounds like he’s hiding something

  • If he has a Facebook account, it’s a good bet that he’s also into gay porn.

  • Lena60

    And you know this…because?

  • sugarpie

    Seems we may need a  drunk dial hotline for these idiots.  We can hire little kids to work them through their “situations”. 

  • I don’t listen to my boyfriend all the time. I couldn’t imagine all the times he would have to call them cops after I don’t do what I am told. Last night I actually didn’t like him staring at my page while I was trying to update my status. I don’t like that, not that I am hiding anything – the post is public, but that’s when you tell them to FUCK OFF or do something to keep them from wanting to sit beside you. 

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    “If my spouse called 911 every time I didn’t do what he wanted me to do — do I have to finish this statement?”

    No shit. Thank god that’s not an option. 

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    Everybody knows this.

  • CT

    Then I would have to get out that crowbar Texas Ranger is so afraid of.  He hates when I bring that up again.  

  • CT

     Even I know this.

  • Chinchillazilla

     It’s a fact.

  • Lena60

    Hold on Ced, let me get my flashlight.

  • Lena60

    Ok Ladies, I did not know this, but then, I don’t hang on facebook much either.

  • Texas Ranger

    Christ…the crowbar again…. I have actually hidden my crowbar from Mrs. Ranger…and she has never even threatened me with it… can’t be to careful… I plan on living long enough to become the Dirty Old Ranger I’ve aspired to be, Can’t have my Old-Dirtyness ruined by a well place crowbar now can I?

  • LeaveMeBe


  • Lena60

    I don’t blame you, I hate anyone reading over my shoulder. If ya want to read it wait till Iam done with it.

  • LeaveMeBe

    Dude needs to just get an iPad and go into the bathroom.

  • newstarshipsmell

    Christ, you people leap to conclusions. He probably just wanted to lose at Farmville, without his wife backseat driving his gameplay and constantly nagging him he was “doing it wrong.”

  • onlyme356

     wow, I didn’t know this either. How?

  • Give it time, there will be dumber stories in your future to write about.

  • onlyme356

    You must have cash to blow

  • CT

     I HATE Facebook.  Don’t get me started.

  • CT

    Cash and blow – well, for most, they don’t belong together in the same sentence (unless it’s Saturday and you are Cedric). 

    WAIT – it does seem to though for many involved in the stories featured here on DD.

  • LeaveMeBe

    I don’t blow anybody for cash…or checks, credit cards.

  • LeaveMeBe

    I know nothing.

  • curiousalways

    I see his point, a deals a deal.

  • Texas Ranger

    The man in me read your post and instantly thought “She Blows for FREE…AWESOME!”

  • Lena60

    Sure, and as we all know, people are more reasonable when they are liquered up.

  • LeaveMeBe

    Then you read right, but only for one lucky guy. 🙂

  • Texas Ranger

    And that is a truly Republican kinda answer.

  • megaflytron

    I was having a bad day-
    Then I read this and realized that I am not these people…

    and my day is so much better now.

  • Maybe he will think about it before calling 911 next time … but somehow I doubt it.

  • newstarshipsmell

    Are you kidding? He’ll probably call 911 from prison to complain about the food.

  • So … you are saying some women charge for that ??? I would not have guessed
    ( HATER) .

  • WTF ??? LOL. LOL. LOL.

    Hey Pete – don’t you have a facebook account too ?

  • TheMeaningOfItAll

    @Rebekah Herzberg, is that you with THE John Waters?  You are my new favorite D’D writer now!

  • curiousalways

    yes, I’m sure I will be much more reasonable in about three hours, after Friday happy hour!!  whohooo

  • JGo555

    Mr.Hardwick, pick:

    1. A wife to do all your chores & feed you & have to give her attention OR,

    2. A lonely house with everything dirty and you are all hungry but you can check your interwebz in peace.

    I am surprised this dude made it to his 50’s. Hasn’t he ever heard of the public library???

  • Indeed I do…what of it? Ha ha. I have one as Pete Puma, but not as a non-fictional person. I periodically deactivate, but reactivated when I started writing here so I could communicate with Morbid and Jaded easier.

  • JGo555

    My daughter LOVES getting phonecalls from the telemarketers. She tells them all about being Princess Cupcake & the disney Princessess.

  • There is no losing at Farmville. As long as you get to your crops in time, you’re winning. You have several hours to let your crops grow. Don’t ask me how I know that. 

  • Yes. This photo was taken fairly recent too. I am also a horror reporter that gets to meet and interview totally awesome people. I just may be one of the biggest horror geeks on the planet and I also collect VHS. 

  • Lena60

    Lmao Jgo, can I borrow her for when I get calls from telemarketers?

  • girlygerd

    hahaha god nothing like pure stupidity to make my day go better lol……out here in Louisiana today bored yet now entertained

  • FrikkenFrak

    There’s always so much shit rollin’ out of FLORIDA, it could have its very OWN DD web site and it’d never run out of stories to post…………..

  • newstarshipsmell

    “There is no losing at Farmville.”
    LOL yes there is. It’s called “playing Farmville.”

  • girlygerd

    haha im gonna be in Florida god help I dont cross paths with one of these idiots

  • girlygerd

    i hereby triple like this statement lol

  • newstarshipsmell

    My waning lactose tolerance and waxing love of chocolate milk combined guarantee I never have to worry about someone sitting next to me when I don’t want them to.

  • I am just curious.  Is this “person” a real human being?  I only ask that because in his booking photo he looks somewhat like a marionette puppet.  Combine that with the fact that he has to be literally the stupidest fucking moron jackass clueless breadcrumb brained idiot savant I have ever even heard of, then throw in the buzzword “Florida” into it, and all of a sudden I’m thinking some kind of low level alien being or perhaps he is actually a domestic turkey in disguise as a human?

  • Domestic turkeys have been known to drown in a heavy rain shower because they didn’t realize that it would be dry and safe inside their hutches! Others are so brainless that they can’t even remember how to eat, and must be fed by the farmer.  

    Seriously this guy Hardwick’s driveway doesn’t quite reach the road.  I’m stupefied and actually less intelligent now then I was before I read this article.  

  • sweekymom

     Shhhhh!  Not the public library, don’t mention the public library to meat-beaters.  We’re underpaid, overeducated, and run ragged by patrons whose learned helplessness is exceeded only by their sense of entitlement.  We don’t need to be cleaning up after the SpunkMasters of the Universe.

  • Zazen

    Yeah, my youngest nephew has a knack for that too.

    Overheard the last time I heard him pick up a phone: ‘Do you know that robots are alive?!’

  • It is mind-boggling that someone can be so stupid. It’s out of the world

  • JGo555

    Best. Line. EVER!!!!

  • JGo555

    Awesome rethoric! Bwahahahaha!

  • Sorry, I didn’t read all the comments, so if someone said this already then I apologise……

    60 days???? Seriously? Yeah that’s a great way to spend tax payers money!!!

    Still I don’t live in Pasco, or anywhere near there (4000 miles away at the least) so don’t really give a shit

  • I agree. The man should be taught a lesson for being so stupid and wasting officer’s time when there are so many people who have to wait several hours for a response from the police. But 60 days is a little severe. He wasn’t even drunk. He had 4 beers and this isn’t the first time he has done this completely sober. The police should recognize the fact that he is either incredibly stupid or mentally challenged. 

  • Eliza Berntsen

    All that sunshine has fried their brains.

  • kimbev69

    My husband never tells me to do anything i guess i am blessed :0) i think he is afraid of me

  • kimbev69

    My husband never tells me to do anything i guess i am blessed :0) i think he is afraid of me

  • Im curious as to what his status was. Why is no one paying attention to the important details?? 🙂

  • He’s only 57 yet acts like an helpless senile geezer of 87… dude: get your balls outta your wifes PURSE or grow a set 

  • roxy vandiver

    This girl plagurizes everything she writes. It’s pathetic.

  • Justagirl


  • Jack2

    Gotta love stories like these lol.