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Hobe Sound, FL - Kevin Brann, 41, left quite an impression on a Florida deputy after being stopped following a rear-end collision with another vehicle. The collision reportedly occurred just before noon last Friday.

Brann – who the deputy observed as strongly smelling of alcohol, and having slurred speech and bloodshot eyes – initially denied that he had been drinking. According to the police affidavit, after failing a field sobriety test, Brann admitted to drinking and was arrested for drunk driving with property damage. He was then placed in the deputy’s patrol car.

In court documents, the deputy described the eventful trip to the Martin County Jail saying that Brann both urinated and defecated on himself while in the back of the vehicle. The deputy goes on to write, “The defendant had a sexual anus plug in his rectum, which he removed, or it fell out in the rear of my patrol car.”

Perhaps now is a bad time for me to propose “becoming a police officer” to all of you job seekers out there…

Blood analysis would subsequently show Brann testing with impressive blood-alcohol levels of .409 and .412, respectively.  Now, I’m neither an organic chemist nor a physiologist… It would seem, though, that if they made butt plugs with a wick, he could have burned some of that off.

For the forensically inclined, the individual pages of arrest report can be seen here. Bond for Brann was set at $750. According to the sheriff’s office, he is scheduled to appear in court on March 24.

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  • CT

    Why is it that I read a story on here while I am at work that requires me to look something up because I am not exactly sure how said butt plug works but I am unable to do so without sending red flags to the IT department?  Am I really going to have to wait all day or will someone please explain to me the exacts pertaining to butt plugs.  Please…..

  • Zwietracht

    Well. They’re small (usually) tapered silicone (or other safe material)… plugs. You just shove ‘em on in there. I don’t think people typically just wear them, especially when they’re getting hammered. Usually they’re just used during sex. Some people use them to aid, uh, future backdoor endeavors. I’d assume when he shat himself the force exerted forced out the plug as well.

    Not that my innocent eyes have ever seen a butt plug. In person.

  • Zwietracht

     For reference…

  • Zwietracht

    Hey, at least in the arrest report it says they placed his butt plug with his property. How kind of them. 

  • xJustagirlx

    o_0. 

  • PlaysWithBalls

    That was one of my ex boyfriend’s fetishes… He liked for me to wear a butt plug on occasion when we went to dinner or a movie or wherever. For him it was a turn on knowing it was there and that nobody else knew about it but him.

    Fetishes, those strange, strange little things…

  • xJustagirlx

    Only here can I get a 101 lesson on anal plugs at 7:00 am. Ily guys <3

  • http://justiceforcaylee.synthasite.com/ shyloh

     Geesh am I the only one that keeps my sex toys at home in my drawer? Why oh why do people do dumb shit and have to drag their toys along with them? I mean, I, I, Oh I give up!

  • PlaysWithBalls

    Come to think of it, he was a sheriff’s deputy… I think I may know where he got the idea… But don’t be alarmed, I bought the butt plug myself.

  • Zwietracht

    You’re doing better than me. My ex-boyfriend preferred wearing them.

  • xJustagirlx

    o_0

  • CT

    You are the best!  I am no shrinking violet but this one escaped my knowledge.  Well, I’ve heard of it but now I am even more knowledgeable when it comes to butt plugs.  Think of the conversations I can now have at cocktail parties.

  • PlaysWithBalls

    Come to think of it, he was a sheriff’s deputy… I think I may know where he got the idea… But don’t be alarmed, I bought the butt plug myself.

    I’m pretty freaky, and I don’t know if I would be okay with a butt plug wearing boyfriend haha.

  • Zwietracht

    =] Cock-tail parties!
    I know you can’t listen to it at work probably, but all I keep thinking about is this video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pr7OCRfnjEw

  • PlaysWithBalls

    If you see my previous post, my ex had a fetish for having me wear a butt plug when we went out in public, he liked the thrill of knowing it was there… So yes, I have taken sex toys out into the world. What I haven’t done though, is shit one out in a moment of drunken glory.

  • Zwietracht

    Yeeeeeah… It was the tip of the iceberg and the straw that broke the camel’s back, lol.

  • Miss_Ann_thrope

    lol!  Was the butt plug booked  evidence?  A friend of mine once had some Ben Wa balls inserted . . . ahem . . . when they fell out while in line at the grocery store.   “Clank! Clank!” lmao!   The look on her face was priceless as she tried to casually kick them aside under the candy aisle.   

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    They make toys specifically to wear out in the world. I have a couple remote controlled vibrating eggs made for that very purpose.

  • sugarpie

    Butt (see what I did there) if it enhances your sexual encounter, why would you wear one out drinking?  Just curious, have no experience with butt plugs. 

  • Josh

    I think this is a ladies only thread from what has been posted so far. I gotta go to work, I am off to salt lake city then up to idaho to get a load of their famous crop to come back to phoenix.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

    ” Brann both urinated and defecated on himself while in the back of the vehicle … blood-alcohol levels of .409 and .412 … defendant had a sexual anus plug in his rectum, which he removed, or it fell out”

    Nasty Ass Drunk Bitch.

  • Sam

    Is it just me or is anyone else wincing at the thought of a butt-plug inserted combined with a rear-end collision?

  • SayAunt

    Report should read two rear end accidents.

  • kimbev69

    “a friend” mmm hmm

  • JGo555

    The anus plug is to blame here. If he wasn’t so drunk & whatnot the plug wouldn’t have felt so good that he REAR ENDED another vehicle to wish the kind of good feelin’ he was gettin’.

    I am amazed at this human liquor bottle’s ass pressure capabilities. To HANDLESSLY remove a buttplug with only your liquid breakfast inside your intestines should merit a new method of measuring anus pressure:

    LIP3 (I cant’ do the cubic feet thingy) Liquid Insides Pressures in Cubic feet.

  • Deety

    Yet. ;-)

  • Zazen

    It enhances your drinking experience too. I mean, look at Mr. Brann here. What a night eh? Wink wink nudge nudge.

  • Deety

    I remember the night my roommate wore one of those and we fed her a bunch of ecstasy and took her to a rave. Pressing the button from across the room to watch her fall to her knees was hilarious.

  • JGo555

    Have you tried using “InPrivate Browsing” in the comp? IF I have to look for anything shifty, I use it so that it’s not in your History… that explains how I was able to look about  dwarfs’ dick sizes… I am leaving that, at THAT.

  • Lena60

    Have a safe trip Josh, my hubby is a truck driver too, so I know how dangerous it can be at times.

  • JGo555

    I said it before, and I’ll say it again:

    YOU LADY ARE THA SHIT!

  • Lena60

    If he was wearing the butt plug to keep his shit in, it is time for him to invest in adult diapers.Ick!

  • JGo555

    Are you a potatoe & Mormon & polygamist trucker?

  • JGo555

    Wincing from PAIN!? Or PLEASURE!????

    ;)

  • Sam

    I remember some dodgy porno flick where a girl hitchiker is picked up, takes her hotpants off and reveals a buttplug with a flickering light in the end – like a landing beacon or something.
    I don’t get it either, but apparantly it left enough of an impression on me to still remember that scene… :)

  • Sam

    :)
    So i’ll take that as a yes, then? ;)

  • ultracreep

    Apparently, I’m freakier than most. >_>

  • sugarpie

    I guess so.  He was able to still walk with a .41 blood alchohol level.  Musta been all that butt clenching.

  • ultracreep

    Butt plug skeet shooting championships.

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    Gee, thanks.

  • Gee

    Did the report say anything about modifications?  Seems to be the growing trend. Nothing is ever good enough straight out of the package or ass.  eewww  I just grossed my self out

  • malq

     No it did not, but if it was anything like the E-cig mods, it would take out the whole cop station.

    the affdavit did say that the buttplug was put into his property bag. That will be fun to have given back to you when released.  “Here is one pair of Adidas, here is your wallet, with $8.42, and ONE SHITTY BUTT PLUGG…NEXT!”

  • malq

     Good point, that could be his defence. This man is innocent.  The buttplug was emitting ketones from the plastic/rubber concoction made in China. It soaked into his bloodstream. 

  • malq

     key word, rear ended.

  • malq

     and if they fall out in public you start clucking?

  • malq

     i am not so sure he shat it. His hands were likely cuffed behind his back.  :(

  • Zazen

    Well, thank GOD there hadn’t been any butt plug modifications going on! If there had… well… the blood, snot and ass flying everywhere would have been the least of their troubles.

  • Andy P

    Hey that’s ET !  (Easter toy) – We have one just like that, although its for her use.  :)  Same color and all.  LOL

  • JohnQknowitall

    If only you had added a short sentence about the horrific smell on that drive and the next few days of fermentation, then the article would have been perfect. Some alluding to a gagging police officer who drove the car.

  • malq

     Eactly what IS the point of a buttplug? I don’t get it.

  • Andy P

    Yeah keep your eyes on the road and not on the DD, else you may end up on the front page.  LOL.  “Our very own Josh from Phoenix with DD addiction dies with load of crops trying to respond about a but plug incident.”

  • Andy P

    Sounds like you speak from experience?  =)

  • Andy P

    Opening the ass so you can fuck it, basically.  You can’t just put it straight in, you have to open it up first.  

  • Gee

     I was wondering about the poor soul who has to clean that shit up.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

     Well the man did have it … packed … at least till he … pooped … and it apparently … popped out of his packed,poop shoot.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

     I’m thinking you actually meant – Shit Shooting Plug Championships.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

     You thanked the wrong person …

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

     gross

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

     lol … yep … hmm …

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

     Gay dude here was just keeping his options open.

  • kniption

    You know how it is here at D’D, though, JQ.  …just the facts.  

    I read no report on the smell of the vehicle and, as such, I am forced to allow for the possibility that ground-zero of this man’s skat-launched butt plug ended up smelling like rose petals and spring rain…

  • Gee

     Knip you always put a smile on my face :o)~

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

     I’m thinking ass pressure most likely had no part in this incident at all … what I’m thinking happened is that Mr.shitty pants has stretched his ass hole to such an extent that the plug – although in – was not even a close fit, and was easily pushed out by the shit flood and pairs of lil Dingle Berry animals  marching into his pants looking for the Ark.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

     I saw no mention of a lawn mower attached to the butt plug – although I’m thinking that would have enhanced this tale quite a bit.

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    Ha! Mine don’t fall out. I have one called a we-vibe and it is the best 150.00 I ever spent. I highly recommend it.

    http://we-vibe.com/ 

  • malq

     who the hell does that?

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

     My women have always just put it straight in … I have never personally known any females who used butt plugs … all I have ever used is KY … and I prefer the liquid.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

    It depends on the particular agency involved,but in most larger departments  the officer would not be the one to do this type clean up.It would be done through a contracted maintenance facility,or other company.Most jails also contract out cell cleanings to specialized  companies.

  • hershey

    Guess she wasn’t doing her kegel exercises correctly.

  • hershey

    All I can say is it is time for him to graduate up to a larger size.

  • CT

    Now, Now.  You CANNOT make a bold statement as you did and not expect me to question you.  Details, details.  

  • Gee

     Oh Damn … That is a serious Vibrator. 

  • JohnQknowitall

    I don’t get it either. I have never seen one in use.

  • Andy P

    Try astroglide. Waaay better than ky. Serious. And my girl was an anal virgin a year ago so we started with the Easter toy and now she doesn’t really need it anymore. She’s broken in now. Lol

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

     I will see if I can find that – thanks,my bottle of KY is getting low,so good timing.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

     Do they really make those the size of the Lincoln Tunnel ?

  • Gee

     I must say I am amazed at the experience displayed here in the use of butt pluggs. Like you @malq:disqus I am learning lots here. One thing I already knew though, I don’t want anything sticking outta my ass.

  • Gee

     I with you, I draw the line on a boyfriend who wears a butt plugg period

  • 62julietandvoid

    .409 guess they can clean the shit and piss out of the back seat with that. I should have known since the buttplug made the title it wasn’t the highlight to this story. Bravo lmao

  • Gee

     @malq:disqus  this one word response “Great” is so funny to me and not sure why?

  • http://twitter.com/AngelsMom0806 Angels Mom

    I’m open to a lot but my man wearing a butt plug isn’t one. That would be a relationship-ender for me.

  • JGo555

    After watching Little People Big World, I was wondering about dick size… apparently all porn relating to LP are little women, and ONE male with a regular dick… I read about achondroplasia in general and came to that conclusion.

  • JGo555

    I wish that was true…

    *mental note: talk to the hub about this*

  • JGo555

    It was the LED’S fault!

  • http://twitter.com/AngelsMom0806 Angels Mom

    Yeah, those and the vibrating panties men seem to love knowing that you have them on.

  • http://twitter.com/AngelsMom0806 Angels Mom

    I’m a lucky woman. ;-)

  • http://twitter.com/AngelsMom0806 Angels Mom

    Seriously, I was about to buy that last month but didn’t know if it was worth it. Since you say it is I’m going to go ahead and get it. Thanks!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

     LOL … How in the world did I only now see this comment of yours ? Thanks,I found this extremely funny.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

     O-O

  • http://twitter.com/AngelsMom0806 Angels Mom

    OK! I was thinking the same thing. 

  • Andy P

    Clearly Ced you’re not spending the usual amount of time on the demon today.  =)

  • Andy P

    So do you recommend the we vibe 3, 2, the salsa, the tango or the touch?  What about the Jack Rabbit?  

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    I like the newest model. The we-vibe three is waterproof, the on/off is easier, and you can change the mode without removing the vibrator. The old models had to be removed to change the vibration mode. I have a rabbit, but I don’t like it as much as the Pyrex stuff. I have a glass tentacle that is the best.  

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    It’s worth every penny. I seriously love mine. Make sure you get the We-vibe 3.

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    Too true. Give them the remote control and they’re happy all night. ;)

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    http://www.systemjo.com/public/products/jo-personal-lubricants/jo-h2o
    This stuff is awesome! I highly recommended it. It’s water based so it doesn’t leave you feeling all sticky and slimy after and it just washes right off in water.

  • DangerousKindOfSnark
  • CT

    It had been HOURS, Ced, hours, and no response.  I felt like I had failed.  

  • http://twitter.com/AngelsMom0806 Angels Mom

    All over it!

  • http://twitter.com/AngelsMom0806 Angels Mom

    I see what you did there.

  • Zwietracht

     We should be roommates. ;)

  • Wildheart

    Drop some off at my house when you get back….I just used my last potato last night. ;)  Drive safe!

  • Lena60

    omg! no thanks *shudders*

  • Califboy

     A friend of mine works at the local jail and a guy was arrested and brought in, during his strip search they noticed he was wearing a belt device under his under wear, attached to said belt was a 14 inch dildo up his ass. After undoing the belt the 14 incher was pulled from his ass all attached together and put in a grocery bag as it was to big to put in a evidence bag, the shit people do…………………

  • Califboy

     Man I have missed your posts!!!!!!! :) Hugs kisses your way!!!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=718600192 Tim Bates

    Butt plugs are delicious barbecued, with a side of yogurt-gravy.

  • Sam

    Yes, “the shit people do”, quite literally! :)

  • Pingback: Is Walter Treadwell a Disgusting Sick Child Rapist Pedophile? « Anthony Mandich–Artist and Urban Legend

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    I know. Is that not the most horrifying thing ever? 

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

     lol

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

     wow

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

     I am not into all of these toys and things – I like for women to get all their excitement from my Dick,and my nuts.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

     Yes .. if you mean the remote for the TV …

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

    OOOO – I will see about getting some of this too – thank you for the hint.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

     I’m at work and without thinking I clicked your link and was greeted with :

    Access to the webpage is denied by the internet access filters

    Category: porn

    :(

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

     lol – gross Tim.

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    Wow what? I like toys, I’ve said as much before.

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    The H20 is the water based one, make sure to stick with that one. 

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    Oooops. You know you have to go look when you get home. ;) People use that thing, there are reviews and everything. 

  • http://twitter.com/AngelsMom0806 Angels Mom

    Toys are fun. 

  • http://twitter.com/AngelsMom0806 Angels Mom

    That’s unfortunate. While I love a penis there is so much more to sex then just that. Plus truth is sometimes we don’t feel like having ya’ll all on us at the moment and we’d rather just do it ourselves.

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    Right on. I had one of those toy parties and one of the girls didn’t order any toys because her boyfriend wouldn’t use them. Every other girl at the party felt horrible for her. One girl even offered to take her out one night with a remote control egg just so she could get the experience. The was about a year ago and we all still talk about what a miserable sex life she must have had. I can’t imagine being with a man who isn’t into toys and games. Straight vanilla sex is just too boring for me to get off. The idea of making love give me the dry heaves.

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    A girl needs to get away every now and then. 

  • http://twitter.com/AngelsMom0806 Angels Mom

    I agree 100% except for the last sentence. Well maybe not…I guess it depends on what making love is for you, for me it can involve toys, role playing, games, outfits, etc. 

    But hubs and I are also romantics at heart so we’re the kissy-huggy-love-making type. LOL

  • DangerousKindOfSnark

    I’m romantic and like kisses and cuddles so do the boys. When I say making love, I mean the shit they put in chick flicks. I’ve always been more of a fucker than a lover. I have a true fetish, which means I can’t get off without my fetish being served in some way. For me it’s pain and the slow movie style sex just doesn’t do anything for me.

  • Califboy

     I make mental note to tell god I want to be reincarnated into a vibrating egg for little Miss Snark

  • Califboy

     Me Me Me I, I, I ,I, I, as I raise my hand like a 12th grade boy, please pick me, I like toys too.

  • NuttyFuzz

    People actually do that slow movie style sex?  Dang, I need to find a new man!

  • minjofu

    He was probably just so drunk and horny he forgot it was in there..    Am I the only one who drew some sort of mental paralell between this guy’s butt fetish and potty problems and his last name being Brann? ..   I got a tee hee out of it anyway.. 

  • http://twitter.com/AngelsMom0806 Angels Mom

    Nipple clamps + slow sex = a good time for me. LOL!! But no, I completely understand what you are saying.

  • ultracreep

     I think I have a new tongue twister!

  • NuttyFuzz

    I decidedly need a new boyfriend who will buy me all the nice toys I’m missing out on…

  • Josh

    Does multiple trucks count? =)

  • Josh

    Red or russet? They give me 50 lb sack each week.