Woman Dies After Teen Extended Car Jack Inside Her VaginaMan Dies After Falling Into An Industrial Tire ShredderFive Teens Accused Of Raping 13-Year-Old GirlMan Accused Of Killing Ex-Girlfriend And Three Others At Pennsylvania Car WashMorgue Worker Accused Of Having Sex With Corpse Of Reality TV StarCouple Accused Of Beating Three Children, Forcing Them To Eat Dog FecesTeenage Teaching Assistant Accused Of Molesting 17 ChildrenTeen Gouged Out Both Of Her Eyeballs Outside South Carolina ChurchToddler Found Frozen To Death On Front Porch Of Her Home

Monthly Archives: February 2012

Niceville, FL — This is an update to a story about a man who reportedly suffered some severe facial injuries after an electronic cigarette blew up in his mouth.

Earlier this month, the news was reporting that 57-year-old Tom Holloway was using an electronic cigarette in his home. The Vietnam vet had stopped smoking a couple years ago and used the device in an effort to curb the urge to pick them back up again.

On this particular day, the device exploded in his mouth. His wife reported hearing a sound like a firecracker going off right before she heard her husband scream. The explosion knocked out all Holloway’s teeth, part of his tongue, and severely burned his face. One of the police officers who responded to the home said it was like a bottle rocket had exploded in the man’s mouth.

The cause of the explosion was being blamed on a faulty, rechargeable battery that reportedly flew out of the device and into a closet which it then set on fire.…

Port Royal, SC– Last Friday, a small coastal town was terrorized by a nude man who commandeered a fire truck then struck and killed a pedestrian during a destructive joyride.

It seems that Kalvin Hunt, 26, decided to abandon his escort during a stroll outside of the Beaufort Naval Hospital, where he had been admitted for reasons unknown due to federal privacy laws.

Once he had absconded, Mr. Hunt happened upon an idling fire truck which was innocently participating in a medical call in a nearby apartment complex. Likely fulfilling a childhood dream that involved big trucks, lights and sirens, he hopped in, got naked and drove away in the $663,000 vehicle.

Sadly, his funny-crazy stunt took a sharp turn into psycho-crazy when he veered into oncoming traffic and hit six cars, then struck and killed a pedestrian, 28-year-old Justin Miller, before running into some trees and totaling the truck.

Despite being pinned inside the truck, Mr. Hunt was able to fight off two police officers and a paramedic.…

Redfield, IA – An Iowa man was hospitalized after what first looked to be an armed recovery mission by a team of Delta Force raccoons. Authorities would establish, instead, that the gunfire was the unexpected result of an intentional, albeit poorly implemented, plan.

The melee began last Saturday morning when Larry Godwin, 68, reportedly discovered a raccoon in a live trap that he had set. Soon after, Godwin set upon the plan of an execution-style slaying of the caged animal. Brandishing a .22 caliber handgun, Godwin shot at the trapped raccoon.

The first shot Godwin fired ricocheted from the cage, reportedly striking Godwin in the right lower abdominal area. This caused Godwin to drop the pistol and it fired again, striking him again in almost precisely the same location as the first shot.  It is believed that, at this point,  the original mission was aborted.

An investigation at the scene presumably established that the caged raccoon was not in the possession of a concealed firearm and, in fact, had no field radio equipment that would indicate the summoning of a heavily-armed extraction team.…

Sarah Dae WalkerPhoenix, AZ – A husband, his wife, and her lover have all been charged with conspiracy to commit bestiality after they used Craigslist to find a dog for the wife to have sex with.

The couple, 39-year-old Shane Walker and 34-year-old Sarah Dae Walker, describe themselves as swingers in an open marriage. When Sarah told her lover of about a month, 30-year-old Robert Aucker, that she wanted to have sex with a dog while he and her husband watched, the trio turned to Craigslist’s classifieds.

They eventually found someone who had a golden shepherd they would allow Sarah to have sex with and emailed the dog’s owner for three weeks to set up the meat and greet. What they didn’t know was that the dog’s owner had no intentions of letting Sarah try out his dog’s lipstick. He was actually an undercover officer.

Sarah, Shane and Robert were arrested after driving to the arranged location where the sexual encounter was to take place. Police say that before the trio were informed they had been set up, they had offered the undercover detective the opportunity to take part.…

Would-Be Vagina Sniffer Jailed

February 29, 2012 at 7:41 am by  

Bradenton, Florida – I seldom catch wind of an incident that makes me feel slightly weird about paying women to do jumping jacks. That all changed when I read about Adrian Baltierra’s case.

Mr. Baltierra, 51, was nabbed on the night of February 23rd for solicitation of a prostitute, a misdemeanor, while allegedly seeking the “services” of a cop who was working undercover as a hooker on a Bradenton street, a street reputedly fingered by local officers as a “known location for prostitution.”

According to police records, the “service” being solicited by the suspect was, and I quote, “smell pussy.”

That’s right, faithful readers. He seemingly didn’t want to make actual physical contact with his hopeful business associate, but to pay her $15 to allow him to get his schnoz close enough to her genitalia to get a good whiff of it and maybe, just maybe, that of the salty chowder of any dudes who might have previously opted for the deluxe treatment.

Nothing I read would indicate that he had any intention of sampling the latter, however.…

Louisville, KY – After apparently concluding that Cody Huff, 18, is genetically humanoid, police have charged him with two child pornography counts. This after detectives were able to use a file sharing program to download questionable media files directly from Huff’s computer.

A search warrant was obtained based on the content of those downloads. The search – executed at Huff’s apartment on Dec. 23 – reportedly resulted in the discovery of more images and movies on his computer.

“Several movies showed children as young as 3-years-old being raped by adult males,” police said while describing the content. “One image depicted a 9-year-old girl performing oral sex on a dog.”

Huff has been charged with felony distribution and felony possession of child pornography and assigned a whopping $10,000 full-cash bond. Huff is scheduled for arraignment Thursday morning.…

LOUISVILLE, Ky. — Police have arrested a woman after she was busted using her 10-year-old daughter to shoplift from a Kentucky Target.

Last Saturday, security guards at a Target watched as 29-year-old Tiffany K. Foster, along with her 10-year-old daughter and another woman, concealed over $600 worth of merchandise under some jackets in a cart.

Once the cart was loaded the loot, they had the girl push the cart out of the store. The security guards were able to stop the girl outside of the store, but Foster and her accomplice took off — leaving the child behind to take the rap.

Investigators were able to track Foster down at her home and ordered her back to the store. She denied knowing anything about the stolen merchandise, unaware that her daughter had already told police they had planned on shoplifting before they entered the store, and that she had helped her mother steal items from other stores in the past.

Foster was arrested and charged with theft by unlawful taking and abandonment of a minor, increasing the chances that her daughter will live up to her last name.…

CHARDON, OHIO – More information coming out of the Ohio school shooting, but it’s tough picking through it all to determine what is factual and what is hearsay — some bloggers even posting the wrong picture of the shooter.

But as of today, two students at Chardon High School have died after 17-year-old TJ Lane walked into the cafeteria yesterday morning and calmly fired on a group of kids sitting at a table, hitting five of them.

Three of the injured were flown to MetroHealth Medical Center where one, 16-year-old Daniel Parmertor, died shortly after arriving there. A second teen, 17-year-old Russell King, Jr., has died after being taken off life support yesterday evening. Demetrius Hewlin, whose age was not given, died this morning.

A 17-year-old male and an 18-year-old female were taken to Hillcrest Hospital where the boy was in serious condition and the girl was stable.

After firing on the group, Lane was chased out of the building by a teacher, Frank Hall, and then later apprehended by police with K-9 units about a mile away from the school and near his parked car.…

Mechanicsburg, PA – How I missed this story when it first broke is entirely beyond me.  It’s got everything:  Offensive Atheists, a zombie Muhammad, zombie Pope, a hyper-aggressive Muslim family man and a judge who doesn’t appear to understand the First Amendment.

It began at the Oct. 11 Halloween parade in Mechanicsburg, PA, where the Parading Atheists of Central Pennsylvania were doing their thing.  Mr. Ernest Perce, PA State Director of American Atheists, Inc., dressed up as zombie Muhammad among other inflammatory characters that included a zombie Pope (equal opportunity haters, us atheists).

Before he knew it, Mr. Perce was being attacked by a man obviously offended by the spirited costume.  The man choked him from behind as he attempted to rip his “Muhammad of Islam” sign from him, the audio of which was at least partially caught on video.  The attack was brief and Perce continued to walk until he bumped into Police Sgt. Brian Curtis, who took the report.

Open and closed, right?  No, see… Here’s where things go from bizarre to ridiculous. …

BREMERTON, Wash. – Last Thursday we reported on the 8-year old who was shot in the stomach while in class at Armin Jahr Elementary School. One of her classmates, a 9-year-old boy, brought a gun to school in his backpack where it accidentally discharged.

In that article, a comment was made by the husband of the teacher who was in the classroom where the shooting occurred. He stated that the boy had recently transferred to the school and had been a real problem in the classroom. Now that we have some more information on the boy, there’s no wonder why. He has been surrounded by morons.

The boy is currently in his uncle’s custody after his parents relinquished custody of him and his two sisters to his paternal grandmother. When the boy’s grandmother died from pancreatic cancer in 2010, he was placed with his uncle, Patrick Cochran.

His mother, Jamie Lee Chaffin, has been convicted of forgery as well as possessing meth and marijuana. Charging documents show the boy got the gun from her during a weekend visit and it may have belonged to her boyfriend.…

CHARDON, OHIO — A shooting at an Ohio high school this morning has left one student dead, four others injured, and one in custody.

Official details are still sketchy, but initial reports were that a gunman had opened fire at Chardon High School this morning, wounding five students.

Three of those students were transported by Life Flight to MetroHealth Medical Center, where one later died. A 17-year-old male and an 18-year-old female were taken to Hillcrest Hospital where the boy was in serious condition and the girl was stable.

The suspected gunman has been identified as another student at the school. He turned himself in to bystanders outside of the school after reportedly being chased out of the building by a teacher.

Chardon Police Chief Tim McKenna will update the public at a 4 p.m. news conference.


Sumter, SC – A South Carolina man has been accused of cutting off a person’s hand so he and two others could collect an insurance payout.

Back in May of 2008, the recession had kicked into high gear. People were losing their jobs, watching their investments dwindle and losing their homes. Perhaps the resulting desperation motivated the plan hatched by 34-year-old Gerald Hardin and two unnamed cohorts.

Federal investigators allege that Hardin used a pole saw, a small chain saw attached to a pole normally reserved for removing tree limbs, to saw off the hand of an accomplice. After a trip to the local emergency room, doctors unsuccessfully tried to reattach the extremity.

Conveniently, a member of the trio had the foresight to take out three death and dismemberment policies on their now-one-handed co-conspirator. After cashing in on these policies, along with a homeowners insurance policy settlement, the group netted over $671,000 which they divided between them.

It is unclear what spurred the investigation by the FBI, but sufficient evidence was gathered to result in them charging Hardin with six crimes, including mail fraud.…

Vinhedo, Brazil — I don’t normally post stories out of Brazil, but like animal attacks, I am morbidly fascinated by amusement park accidents. This probably stems from the film ROLLERCOASTER and my own experience with a Myrtle Beach roller coaster called The Black Witch that claimed the life of a 13-year-old girl.

In this case, a 14-year-old girl plummeted to her death after falling out of a ride at the Hopi Hari theme park in the Brazilian city of Vinhedo.

The teen, identified as Gabriela Yokuri Michelari, was on the ride “La Tour Eiffel” with her family when the incident occurred. The ride is a free-fall type ride in which five people are seated side by side, hoisted up a 224-foot tall tower and then dropped 129 feet. After reaching speeds of 60 miles per hour, the riders are slowed down by electromagnetic brakes.

Witnesses say the instant these brakes were activated to stop the fall, the security catch of the girl’s seat opened, causing the girl to fall forward out of the ride, landing face down on the pavement at the base of the tower 80-90 feet below.…

Joanna RamosLONG BEACH, CA — An 11-year-old girl died on Friday, hours after she got into an after school fight with another girl over a boy.

Joanna Ramos and another girl had gotten into an altercation the day before, but had decided to settle their grievances in a prearranged fight to take place after school Friday, in an alley near Willard Elementary.

Witnesses say the about seven people attended the meet and watched as the two girls took off their backpacks, put their hair up and then started hitting each other. A friend of Ramos said that some attempted to break up the fight, but others there would not let them.

The altercation wasn’t especially serious and lasted only a minute. Police say no weapons were used and neither girl were knocked to the ground. Ramos walk away with no bruises or scratches, but did suffer a bloody nose.

After returning to her after school program, Ramos complained that she was not feeling well. Her family picked her up and took her home where she complained about a headache and began vomiting.…

Bonita Springs, FL – If you enjoy demonstrating your one-handed baby-batter-making skillz in public, I don’t recommend doing it in Bonita Springs, FL.  They seem to frown upon such behavior, as is evidenced by the “numerous” calls they received regarding one El Salvadoran allegedly doing just that on Monday.

It seems as though Miguel Angel Rivera Flores, a 29-year-old illegal immigrant with more names than I.Q. points, is accused of prowling after he allegedly hid in the bushes north of beach access 6 while making “animal” noises to attract the attention of his soon-to-be victims.  Once Mr. Flores had successfully alerted his fortunate audience members of the upcoming show, he would allegedly emerge, in all his Central American glory, to choke his chorizo, unencumbered by the confines of the aforementioned foliage.  If I’m not using enough commas, please let me know.

We all realize how difficult it is to get someone’s attention by simply masturbating in front of him/her, so I applaud Miguel on his reported incorporation of animal sounds, thus obliterating a problem that has plagued public pole strokers for generations.…

CLEVELAND HEIGHTS, Ohio — A woman in Ohio has been charged with hiring a hit man to kill a random person wearing fur at a public library.

Police say 27-year-old Meredith Lowell, a self-proclaimed animal rights activist, created a fake Facebook profile under the alias Anne Lowery to help her find someone willing to kill a person in cold blood to draw attention to the crimes she says are being committed by the fur industry. Using this profile, she posted the following request:

“I would like to create an online community on facebook which would allow me to find someone who is willing to kill someone who is wearing fur toward the end of October 2011 or early November 2011 or possibly in January 2012 or February 2012 at the latest.”

It didn’t take long before she got a taker; an undercover FBI agent who had been alerted to the post. The agent contacted Lowell and through emails, she was able to provide more details on the job she wanted done.…

Upper Chichester, PA — No matter what your age, hearing one of your parents in the throes of love-making is an unnerving experience. But imagine being a 14-year-old awakened by the sounds of your mother in the throes of passion and then finding her having sex with your 15-year-old friend in the living room.

That’s exactly what happened to a young man in Pennsylvania, after he and a teenage friend spent some time with his mom, 34-year-old Teri Mezzatesta (aka Mrs. Free). After the trio drank some alcohol and smoked some pot, Mezzatesta’s son got tired and crashed in his room. He woke up later to the sound of his mother’s voice.

When he walked into the living room, he found his friend balls deep inside his 5 feet 9, 260 pound mother. After regaining his site, he punched his friend in the face and told him to get out. His mother begged him not to say anything or she would go to jail. The teen returned later that night because he had nowhere to go, and he was allowed to stay.…

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