Home > Crime > Thief Attempts To Shoplift MP4 Player In Butt, Police Make Him ‘Cough It Up’

Thief Attempts To Shoplift MP4 Player In Butt, Police Make Him ‘Cough It Up’

January 10, 2012 at 3:30 am by kniption

Prerov, CZ – An unidentified Czech thief was apprehended by store security after setting off the exit alarms. Security was reportedly able to make him produce a stolen pair of headphones ‘from his underwear,’ but the headphones did not have an embedded security device on them. They knew there was something more…

When police arrived, they searched the subject and found tube of lubricant called Indulona that had been stolen from the store and opened. According to reports, this caused the police to suspect that the MP4 player had been lubricated and then shoved in the suspect’s rectum.

“[On questioning,] the man admitted that the device was actually hidden inside his body,” deputy city police director Miroslav Snoot was reported as saying.

While security personnel and police waited, the suspect tried to produce the player, but – being lubricated – the player wasn’t so easy to grab. I am not sure what “encouragement” was offered by the onlookers, but it must have been persuasive.

According to Snoot’s translated statement, “The suspect was initially unable to remove the contraband from his body. But after many ‘tens of minutes’ using various objects – including scissors – the suspect was able to produce the stolen device and hand it over to police.”

“Book that into evidence.” “Noooo… you book that into evidence.”

Police were kind enough to take a photo of the festivities. According to reports, the police described the man as having a long criminal record. They further noted that his skills – or lack thereof – of ‘shoplifting by fanny pack’ were learned on the inside. Way inside, as it were…

Tags: Czech Republic, lubricant, MP4 player, rectum, Shoplifting

68 Comments

Comments

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Canuck Gramz

I am never – repeat NEVER- going to the Czech Repuplic. I would never steal anything from anywhere, let alone a country I was visiting ( do they have Walmart?) but the police there sound like they are very…um…vigilant. Especially seeing as the chip the aliens implanted in my brain sets off random security alarms…erm I mean the magnet in my purse! Loved “Book that into evidence.” “Noooo… you book that into evidence.” haha
http://truecrimereport.com iLLusionS

Gives “butt dialing” and the like, a whole new meaning….
No one saw him inserting this item? It had to be as slippery going in. EEeeeeek!
CT

I will never buy refurbished items EVER again. EVER.

Put it under your arm pit, down your pants – but up your ass?
Anonymous

OMG this article had me furiously clenching my buttcheeks the whole time I was reading it… O.O
Anonymous

MPU!
Anonymous

“Book that into evidence.” “Noooo… you book that into evidence.” – made me snortgiggle.
And yes, walmart is EVERYWHERE. Think Wall-E and Buy-n-Large. Guaranteed whatever kind of music he was gonna put on there, it was gonna stink…
Anonymous

…and consider the dimensions. if they said it was an mp3 player, i’d say “okay… one of those usb stick thingies… i wouldn’t do it, but this man’s a professional…”

an mp4 player has a video screen… i don’t care how small it is or how much lube is on it. it would have to feel like an etch-a-sketch.
Anonymous

FFS….Give the man the frickin’ MP4 player! He earned it!
Anonymous

…perhaps he had room made for it on his last stay in jail…
Anonymous

**CLENCH**
omg, no frikkin way. Exit only. *gag* The thought of getting away with it (tho can you imagine NOT being suspicious, he must have been walking pretty funny) and then using the thing, knowing it had been up your ass… Errrgh!!!
http://www.facebook.com/people/Shannon-Bennett/1803988499 Shannon Bennett

Thankfully no one’s on the receiving end … Gross!
Anonymous

O_O Not cool man.
Anonymous

I am still baffled by the fact that people still buy portable standalone media players.
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

Did you say “buy” ? That was your first mistake;although I guess you could in fact “buy” one,then shove it up your ass.
LeaveMeBe

Cheap ass thief. If you have to steal the lube AND the item, you need to rethink your life of crime.

I was LMAO the entire time I was reading the write-up and the comments. The best part is that the Czech police got to take pictures of this bozo doing his dance while removing the item. Oh, and the police director’s name is friggin’ awesome too. Director Snoot.
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

Makes me wonder what else he’s been shoving up his ass ? You know they never found James Riddle …
Gee

I can only assume this guy likes shoving things up his ass. This isn’t jail dude! You don’t have to shove shit up your ass to shop lift . Your doing it wrong!
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

I was thinking the Turd was most likely going to use the player for shitty music too.Possibly play some sounds that sooth the savage anus,or some make my anus quiver,while I fap toons.
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

They may as well let him have it – no one else is going to want it …hmm … Prerov, CZ … over there they may simply repackage the item and put it back on the shelf at 20% off – it will be snatched (get it “snatch” – see what I did there ? )up fast … the new owner may wonder why it seems oily,and has a funny odor,but long as it plays those lovely Czech classics ROCK ON.
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

His ass most likely was on “e” at the time - I’m thinking the mp4 player was only in temp.storage until the space was needed for a bigger payload.
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

Really ? I hope you don’t have a music device hidden in there darsa.
NY_Mommy

This is just disturbing.
Anonymous

I read “including scissors” and let out a sound that no grown man should ever make even in private with himself.

Was it worth it to the guy to have do all the butt fingering himself in front of the police? No. He would have been much better off finger the old manhole and selling the pics on the web… hell he could have bought the player and some legal media for the damn thing.

If I were a police officer in the room, I would probably have thrown up a little here and there during those “many tens of minutes.”

Does the store really want the device back? I wouldn’t buy it from the clearance or refurbished or open box (pardon the pun) shelf.
Anonymous

Unless he becomes a serial killer or a child murderer he’ll forever be known as the Music in The Ass bandit to me.
Anonymous

As some of you know being that YESTERDAY we all discussed what goes into my rectum. THAT is the only thing that’s acceptable IMO…

Anything other than that is just playing with fire/hemorroids.
Anonymous

It’s going to play that awesome music than by no other than The Hoff, a.k.a. Mitch, from Baywatch!
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

I have seen some awfully big things shoved up people’s asses on the internet – this guy is not big league yet – but he may be a star asshole later if he keeps jammin.
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

“If I were a police officer in the room, I would probably have thrown up a little here and there during those “many tens of minutes.”

So … you would have been in the room John ? O-O
Anonymous

That would be the proper way to do it.
Anonymous

And… I think we all just learned a little something about Cedric.
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

That sounds awful
LeaveMeBe

Yeah. I thought “Hooked On A feeling” sounded terrible coming out of Hasselhoff’s asshole the first time, I can’t imagine what it would sound like coming out of two assholes.
LeaveMeBe

Way TMI for me.
LeaveMeBe

“I read “including scissors” and let out a sound that no grown man should ever make even in private with himself.”

LMFAO!

I think I love you.
Anonymous

If he farted and the player started playing, people would think he was talking out his ass!
Anonymous

Ced, I am giving your permission now, if you ever read about me in the news doing something like this, you may take me out back and put my ass down, literally. Just how fucked up is a persons life to do this kind of shit, and the other article where the guy took a hacksaw to the dead guys fingers.
Anonymous

Me too, Ced, its amazing on how people take household items and for whatever reason shove them up their arse!
Anonymous

Or MP4 players are ridiculously expensive out there. ‘Cause at that point, I would have just let him keep it. You want it that bad, you can have it!
Anonymous

But this was on the down-low in a public place. Surely he gets style points for that?
Anonymous

I am going to start using the term “tens of minutes” in conversation now, and no one but me will understand why it’s hilarious. Fortunately I don’t mind looking like a giggly lunatic.
Anonymous

Depends on how attractive he is in person.
Anonymous

I guess the good to come out of all this is-good thing he wasn’t shopping for a big screen TV.
Andrew Petrie

Not sure why I feel compelled to justify the acts, but…

I can see a desperate person in need of shelter and food stealing from an already dead person.

However, stealing a music device. Unless, he was going to sell it on the black market, or, uh, brown market.
Anonymous

Money, the reason is internet porn money.
CT

How on earth did I miss this conversation?
Wildheart

I dunno but it certainly made my day a little more interesting! lol
Anonymous

Check the story of the school bus driver charged with molesting child on bus… it was yesterday.
Anonymous

Bwahahhahaa!
Anonymous

It’d be worse if he farted & JUSTIN BIEBER STARTED SINGING OUT OF HIS ASS!
Anonymous

Thrown up a little? I’d a been laughing my balls off the entire time. Imagine trying to take a piss while someone is laughing at you. Now try to imagine passing an iPod thru your sphincter while someone is laughing so hard that they’re crying. Yup, that’d been me… the laugh-er, not the passer.
Anonymous

I laughed out loud on that one !
Anonymous

I just spit coffee all over my computer screen…
Anonymous

Maybe I would have taken the cash, but then called the police when you get back to town and report it, at least for the kids sake.
Anonymous

…or furniture…
Anonymous

I am 52 years old, and never I have I been sitting there in the house bored and thought, “hey what the fuck can I shove up my ass today”. Now don’t get me wrong, I have wanted to shove something up other peoples asses when they piss me off, and maybe a small pleasuring device in my wife’s ass,(like a soft finger,:) but never up my own.
Anonymous

Ya , I can see that on the next “Fear Factor” Joe Rogan hands you a DVR and says you can keep it if you can shove it.
Anonymous

If it was back when I was growing up, he would have to shove a 8-track up his ass,
http://compare.ebay.com/like/250811802341?var=lv&ltyp=AllFixedPriceItemTypes&var=sbar&_lwgsi=y&cbt=y
Anonymous

Going to his garage sales must be a shitty experience,
Sir can you explain why all this stuff has fecal matter on it?
As you reach for your child’s hand, don’t touch that junior.
Anonymous

Well, I’d not shop at that store for fear that the “evidence” might have been returned to the store and then put back on the shelf after it was no longer evidence. It’d be a shitty thing to do.

Pun intended.
Anonymous

“oooh… how much for the pair of scissors?”
Anonymous

I’ve used the term 3 times in conversation since i read this…
Anonymous

I have to wonder if he considers his shit chute as a fifth pocket…
Anonymous

Because no one is paying you a monthly fee to do it.
http://karebu.myopenid.com/ Karebu

for Pete’s sake, I’m still trying to wrap my brain around how that one woman that was featured here not too long ago managed to stuff a pair of handcuffs in her vag-purse….now this….my brain hurts o-O
Anonymous

I always wonder how prisoners are able to stick cell phones up their anuses and keep them there until they need to make a call, guess buttholes are pretty stretchy…
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

Good one – but – NO
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

“guess buttholes are pretty stretchy… ”

If you ever heard some of the sounds which I hear on a regular coming from the men’s restroom stalls at work – you would think NOT.
Anonymous

Unlike an asshole, a vagina will stretch a mile before it tears an inch.