King County, WA — 43 year-old Sabelita L. Hawkins has been charged with first-degree assault after a History Channel special about the Mayan prophecy, heralding the end of days, sent her careening away from sanity.
Hawkins, upon learning of the bad news, allegedly made statements about killing herself. “Get me a gun… I’m ready to die…” No one did, and Hawkins continued acting with the mental stability of a bowl of Cookie Crisp. When she began squeezing a 2 year-old child, people intervened. Her mother was awoken during the commotion and she attempted to restrain her.
It was during this physical struggle that Hawkins reportedly grabbed an 8-inch bread knife and stuck it in mommy a few times. The woman suffered multiple stab wounds during the incident. She sustained a punctured lung and was also stabbed through the cheek once. Someone finally tackled Hawkins and keep her from perforating anyone else until the police arrived, at which point things got even funnier.
Hawkins was babbling nonsense about “people wearing black and purple” and someone named ‘Darell’. Best of all, though, was the conversation she was having with Micheal Jackson. Ms. Looney Tunes is being held on $500,000 bail. She hasn’t made a plea yet, but I’m thinking she’ll plead ‘tuna fish’ and drool on herself.Tags: Assault, Sabelita Hawkins, Stabbing, Washington