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Man Cited For Asking Mall Employees to ‘Look At His Hemorrhoids’

December 2, 2011 at 8:40 am by  

hemorrhoids Man Cited For Asking Mall Employees to Look At His HemorrhoidsOrland Park, IL - Arthur B. Andrews, 36, was issued a citation for his attempts to seek sorely needed medical advice at an Illinois shopping mall.

Late in the evening on Nov. 19, police received calls from employees at Orland Square Mall reporting that a man was attempting to ‘flash’ people. What police reportedly discovered was that the man was, in fact, seeking medical advice from mall personnel regarding an apparently raging case of hemorrhoids.

According to an Orland Park police report, several store employees told police that the man – later identified as Andrews – kept approaching them, asking them to look at his hemorrhoids and, immediately after asking and before they could respond, turning around and showing them his ‘condition.’

After obtaining a description of the suspect, the officer reportedly found Andrews in a lower level bathroom.

A second news report identified Andrews as a ‘fellow employee’ of the complaintants. If so, it is a sad day, indeed, when a person cannot seek out the opinion of coworkers on a simple butt painful affliction such as his. Andrews was cited for disorderly conduct and is scheduled for a municipal hearing on Dec. 13. He was released without incident.

“Excuse me, officer? Before I go, I want to ask your opinion on something…”

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22 Comments

Comments


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  • CT

    What is the problem?  I ask my co workers ALL of the time to give me a breast exam to save myself time and trouble. 

  • guillotinegirl

    My addiction to raspberry-filled jelly donuts has now been cured. Possibly forever.

  • http://tothechest.com Pete Puma

    I’m so proud of mine, I’ve given them each names.

  • Anonymous

    I take it, you clicked on the picture link.Iam not going to do that this time.I like my jelly donuts.

  • CT

    Yeah, I felt it was in my best interest to fight the urge and click. 

  • Sam

    Okay, so for the sake of my sanity i’m going to assume that Orland Mall does not have any fitting rooms with mirrors whatsoever. Because if it wasn’t a simple case of “i can’t see will you tell me what it looks like” we’re just getting into a whole fetish area of people who get off on having others check out the udders protruding from their asshole which makes me want to *sticks fingers in ears* LALALALALALALALALA

  • Anonymous

    Oh, good grief.  NEVER say you have seen it all, especially here on D’D.

    I couldn’t bring myself to click. 

  • http://justiceforcaylee.synthasite.com/ shyloh

    My butt hurts now. And I don’t even have Hemorrhoids. I’ve got to stop reading this site. I can’t drink or drug, can’t go shopping on certain days, now my ass hurts thinking of some nut showing his goods. UGH!! My life is ruined. Nothing left to do.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

    I find myself wondering  – is Arthur B. Andrews mentally challenged ? 

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XKMAEMPVJ5T2Y35HKYTNG7I6SY Cedric

    If any of you guys want to help Arthur out ,and view the offending hemorrhoids the linked news report  states that :
     
     ”Arthur B. Andrews lives in the  9900 block of Sangamon Street in Chicago,”

  • malq

    What will they outlaw next,  flicking boogers in public or pocket pool? I am moving to Thailand.

  • http://truecrimereport.com iLLusionS

    I wondered that too Ced. I have never had the Raging HRoids, and wondered how painful are they? Maybe he has some mental issue with social boundaries, and was really in pain and wondering what was going on, or maybe he couldn’t afford a Doctor?.. ORrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr maybe he is an asshat who wanted to moon them with his exposed Hemorrhoids? I would buy any of those scanarios, or any variety like that.

  • Shade

    hi iLLy!  glad to see you.

  • Anonymous

    My daughter got bum rash & we called it an “owwie” so we’re in WalMart (I’ve already attended my meeting for it yesterday) & we bought some vaseline for after her rash was gone. We’re shopping & she grabs the Vaseline & shows it to a female employer. She goes:

    Daughter: “Hi! Look!”

    Employee: “What’s that? Is that for you?”

    Daughter: “It’s owwie”

    Employee: “You have an owwie?”

    Daugter: ” Owwie, butt”

    Employee: “You have an owwie in the butt?”

    Daughter: “Owwie hurt butt. Owwie butt”

    We tried to leave but she just kept getting louder saying she had a butt owwie and screaming BYE!.

  • Anonymous
  • Athena

    Ahhhhhh.  Mike had a boss many moons ago who had hemorrhoids and insisted on wearing shorts all the time… even when climbing up ladders.  If Frank asked for a tool, they’d try to blindly hand it up to him, keeping their heads turned.  Frank called it “a grape’n and a juice’n”.  

  • Anonymous

    That is wretched.

  • Anonymous

    I’ve never had hemorrhoids, thank , but I have worked with a guy that gets them so bad that he can’t sit down, and he actually had to be hospitalized and get blood transfusions because of hemorrhoids.  With that knowledge, I can understand feeling desperate if you really didn’t know what was going on, and wanting anyone to help you.  But I can also see him just being a nut job.

  • http://truecrimereport.com iLLusionS

    Yeah I think both things are possible. My husbands brother had to have surgery because of them, if I am not mistaken (it was before he and I were even dating so I’d have to ask if I’m right). But I also remember my senior year in classes a girl I went to school with had to bring one of those donut pillows to school with her because of ‘em……….. poor chick.

  • Anonymous

    I’m surprised no one kicked him in his ass when he did that.

  • Anonymous

    IKR… I specially like the “Turn your head to the right and Cough”.. It sure makes for a stress free work play.

  • Anonymous

    You could try some preparation H! I put it on my lips when they are chapped. It keeps people from kissing me.