Christopher Schwanke, 35, was arrested outside the couple’s home Monday evening after a brief tussle with the man of the house. Schwanke. Heh.
The woman apparently thought her hubby was trying to get all romantical when she first felt the hand on her crotch. Imagine her surprise when she realized dear hubby was sound asleep. Now imagine the horror that poor woman felt when she leaned over the side of the bed and found that Schwanke was attached to the digits buried in her lady bits.
After what I imagine would be at least three full minutes of violent projectile vomiting, the woman dialed 911. In the meantime, her husband opened up a can of whoop ass on the depraved prowler, restraining him until police arrived.
The couple later reported having had a couple of run-ins with the bozo in the past month. They told police Schwanke crashed a backyard party at their home two weeks earlier. After asking around and learning that no one knew who Schwanke was, the husband decided to escort him off of his property. At that point, Schwanke reportedly dropped trou, tucked his willy in between his thighs and exclaimed, “Look at my mangina!” No one contacted authorities at that time.
The couple told police they also saw Schwanke walking around their neighborhood around 7:30 p.m. on Halloween. When asked what he was doing in the neighborhood, Schwanke reportedly told the couple he was visiting with a friend.
Just hours later, the couple had their third and final confrontation. And, well, we all know how that turned out…
Schwanke has since been charged with one felony count of sexual penetration by foreign object by force, sexual penetration by foreign object of an unconscious victim and first-degree residential burglary. Bail was set at $1 million. His priors include assault, DUI, theft and possession of methamphetamine.