It all began at about 10:50AM on Thursday when – according to a police spokesperson – an off-duty Fredericksburg Police Deputy observed Haynes urinating in the back corner of a neighbor’s yard.
The deputy, Officer Billy Reyes, said that he had just finished mowing his lawn and, at first, decided to ignore the public urination. Then he reportedly saw Haynes shaking his penis while talking loudly to some people across the street from him. Not good. The deputy said that Haynes behavior upset him, in part, because “there are children in the neighborhood.”
Officer Reyes said he confronted the Haynes. Haynes – clearly an expert at diffusing awkward situations – responded by swearing at Reyes and threatening bodily harm. Officer Reyes then reportedly informed Haynes he was a law enforcement officer. Haynes responded by throwing several unlanded punches at Officer Reyes. As we all know, cops love that shit.
As Officer Reyes phoned his colleagues, Haynes got into the car that he had parked at the home where he was urinating. According to Officer Reyes, Haynes backed out of the driveway and continued to drive in reverse down the street at a high rate of speed.
Fredericksburg police spokeswoman Natatia Bledsoe said that it was at his point that Haynes lost control of his Chevrolet Impala, went into a full spin, and ran head-on into a utility pole. The pole split in half and all the power lines dropped to the ground. Bledsoe said this caused the transformer that was attached to the pole to hit the ground and explode – knocking out power to the surrounding area.
Haynes – realizing the error of his ways – calmly exited the vehicle, apologized profusely to Reynes for his poor judgment, and surrendered his car keys to the officer.
Bahahhahahahahah. I crack myself up. We all know that didn’t happen.
No. Instead, Bledsoe said that after destroying the power pole and knocking out the electricity to the surrounding area, Haynes decided to flee in the now badly damaged Impala. Thoughtfully, he left a trail of leaking fluids as a guide to police officers in pursuit.
The Impala didn’t last long. Haynes reportedly abandoned it behind a supermarket and began to flee on foot. Haynes was located and arrested at a nearby gas station at 11:15AM – roughly 25 minutes after he took that fateful piss.
A lot can happen in 25 minutes, it seems.
Haynes was charged with hit-and-run, assault, driving while intoxicated, possession of marijuana, indecent exposure and urinating in public. He was incarcerated in the Rappahannock Regional Jail.
A utility company emergency crew was called to restore electricity to the area surrounding Haynes’ pee stop. Ninety minutes later, everything was back to normal.
It was as if Haynes had decided to pee in private. Ahhh…Tags: alcohol, assault and battery, Daryl Haynes, fleeing, power outage, Urine, Virginia