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Columbus, OH - Alan D. Patton, a 59-year-old drinker of young boy’s piss, is back in custody after violating his probation.  He is accused of repeatedly calling, harassing and threatening his probation officer.

Patton also reportedly tested positive for methamphetamine use.  For this, Municipal Judge David P. Sunderman has ordered him back to the Delaware County jail where he is being held without bail.

The probation that Patton is serving is part of a sentence in February when Patton was accused of collecting young boys’ urine in a Burger King toilet with the intent to drink it.

Have it your way, Alan…

Patton has a long and distiguished history with Ohio Law Enforcement – with a criminal record dating to 1978.  His charges include voyeurism, public indecency, criminal mischief and rape – all apparently related to an admitted urine fetish.

Highlights include:

In 1993, Patton was arrested for fondling boys while trying to collect urine at the Magic Mountain Fun Center. He was designated a sex offender when convicted in that case and served nearly five years in prison.

In 2006, Patton told Gahanna, Ohio police that he suffered from urophilia – a sexual fetish involving urine.  He reportedly told police that drinking boys’ urine made him feel like he was “drinking their youth.”  At that time according to written accounts, Patton told police that he had collected as many as 15 “samples” in one night.

In 2009, he was caught collecting urine at SportsOhio in Dublin, Ohio.  After only being able to be charged with – and convicted of – criminal mischief, state lawmakers wrote a law specifically with Patton in mind.  The new law made it a first-degree misdemeanor to collect any bodily substances without consent and for nonmedical purposes.

But after the Burger King incident this year, Judge Sunderman acquitted him of that charge.

At that time, an off-duty deputy sheriff who was at the Burger King testified that Patton had clogged the toilets with toilet paper and seat-liners with the intent to collect urine.  Although acknowledging that Patton’s behavior was ‘bizarre,’ the judge said no evidence was presented that Patton was attempting to collect urine.  The judge, instead, found him guilty of – you guessed it – criminal mischief.

Patton was sentenced to 30 days in jail and five years of house arrest. He was also forbidden from using public restrooms and ordered to wear a GPS device.  It was a complaint about the GPS unit that reportedly angered Patton this past week and prompted the repeated calls and threats to the probation department.

A hearing will be held August 26th to determine if Patton will be returned to house arrest or be incarcerated.

There is no other way to say it.  You’re in trouble, Alan.  You’re in big trouble…

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  • Anonymous

    Any cosmetologist could tell that fresh piss is definitely not the fountain of youth for this freak.

  • Anonymous

    I guess if I were this guy I would be pissed about the gps device too if I were this guy.

  • Anonymous


  • Anonymous


  • Anonymous

    i suppose that there is one other way to say it:  urine trouble, alan.  urine… big trouble.

  • Anonymous

    “More women need to realize that the fountain of youth exists at the end of a penis.”

    LMFAO!!  I’ve been working on that theory and all I’m getting for my trouble is wrinkles around my mouth…

  • Anonymous

    You, madam, are a credit to your gender.  Those “wrinkles” are actually character lines that make you irresistible to men and your partner knows how lucky he is.

  • Hekate


  • Hekate

    A urine vampire? cripes….
    just plain gross

  • Anonymous

    Amen brother, amen.

  • iLLusionS

    Damn…how can this guy down 15 solo cups in one night of piss??? Just the thought is enough to have me gagging, eyes watering, tears rolling….and we all know how pissy and nasty public restrooms can smell…to this guy it’s like a fucking great smelling bake shop….***Bluuuuuuuuuuck….

  • Anonymous

    This dude’s insides are B-A-D I mean piss was meant to come OUT not INTO the body.

    I don’t really care for the fetish but I am not one to enjoy it (unless pissing in the tub cause I don’t wanna wipe is labeled “enjoying”) but I don’t see anything wrong with him & golden showers.

    If he actually posts an ad clearly stating that he wants piss & stays away from the kiddos, & he pays for it he shouldn’t have any trouble except for that law that should be called the Alan D. Patton law.

  • Gee

     Damn It Heather4877! Your setting the fucking bar to high….. LMAO

    *so that’s way I have those wrinkles* :o)~

  • shyloh

    Ok how does something like this happen? I mean one wakes up one morning and says ” Humm I wander what Urine taste like, I think I’ll try it out.” Ok that’s just nasty. NASTY!!!! GAG!

  • Anonymous

    You had to didn’t you ?

  • Angels Mom

    Aparently he never saw Dark Crystal or else he would know the proper way to get and drink youth.

  • Anonymous

    Probably won’t ever make it on True Blood.  Now Twilight perhaps….

  • Anonymous

    how, I ask how, do you develop a fetish like this?  I really wonder.  Did you walk in on someone peeing when you were 13 and developing your sexual self and relate it to the pee?  I CAN’T WRAP MY HEAD AROUND IT.  GAG.

  • Angels Mom

    I don’t have them, but I guess that’s a compliment to my husbands size. ;-)

  • Michael Heldman

    Someone should have told him not to drink from the hose.  Anyone else curious as to what Gen. Patton here was yelling at the probation officer?  (“I thought GPS meant G.etting P.iss S.amples!!”) (“What do you mean you just throw out all those pee tests?!?”) (“Why can’t we ever meet at Burger King, I hate the water at your office?”)…

  • PhantasmaGora

    Urine trouble you nasty old man!

  • cheryl laney

    All sick perverts need to be killed.  They will never change.  He will eventually hurt some child. Save the tax payers some money and take him out back and shoot him.  Hell, I”ll do it for free.

  • Hekate


  • Anonymous

    but, of course…

  • PhantasmaGora

    Even better…Hold em under a kiddie pool full of urine until the bubbles stop. The kiddie pool from the 80s! With animals and shit on it. Just a thought…save the bullet.

  • Rachel Ann Prince

    Seems God was just about done creating the universe, but he had two extra things left in his bag of creations, so he decided to split them between Adam and Eve. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up while urinating.
    “It’s a very handy thing”, God told the couple, “I was wondering if either one of you wanted that very ability.”
    Adam jumped up and blurted, “Oh, give that to me! I’d love to be able to do that! It seems a sort of thing a man should do. Oh please, oh please, oh please, let me have that ability. It’d be so great! When I’m working in the garden or naming the animals, I could just stand there and let it fly. It’d be so cool, I could write my name in the sand. Oh please God, let it be me who you give that gift to, let me stand and pee, oh please…”On and on he went like an excited little boy who had to pee. Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted that so badly, that he should have it. It seemed to be the sort of thing that would make him happy and she really wouldn’t mind if Adam were the one given this ability.And so Adam was given the ability to urinate while in a vertical position. He was happy and did celebrate by wetting down the bark on the tree nearest him, laughing with delight all the while.
    “Fine,” God said looking back into his bag of leftovers. “What’s left here? Oh yes, brains….”

  • Anonymous


  • Anonymous

    Maybe someone should tell him it’s not Gatorade….Gag!

  • Anna Flixion

    Huh. Seems like he’s a Pedobear Grylls.

  • Anonymous

    Seriously……why is this guy alive? Someone like John Lennon gets shot and killed by some nutbag, but this sick twisted asshole gets to live. WTF?

  • JoshuaFrySpeed

    Since when is it a crime to have a creepy fetish like collecting a stranger’s urine and drinking it? It may not be kosher or MOST people’s cup of tea, but a crime? Give me a break! If I decide to collect the cut fingernails of fat Polish women, does that make me a criminal? I don’t think so.

  • JoshuaFrySpeed

    Since when is it a crime to collect urine from a used urinal? It may be
    disgusting, but it is not a crime, and police should have better
    things to investigate then who drinks what out of what urinal or

  • JoshuaFrySpeed

    Old has nothing to do with it. Tell the police to stop policing private
    sexual (disgusting) habits. Murder is a crime–theft is
    a crime, rape is a crime, drinking urine from a public
    urinal is nobody’s business, really, certainly NOT the
    police department.

  • JoshuaFrySpeed

    Probation officers can be ugly Nazis. Perhaps he had good reason to
    harass this officer.

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