Benton, NY– 42 year-old Steven Eldridge is facing five counts of criminally negligent homicide after he side-swiped a van, causing it to collide with the tractor he was impatiently (and illegally) trying to pass.
He’s also being charged with DUI, but that’s really a small turd in the huge pile of shit he landed himself in. According to reports, Eldridge attempted to pass a slow-driving tractor on a stretch of road where that exact thing is prohibited. Clearly demonstrating why it’s a good idea to obey traffic laws, Eldridge struck a van full of Amish farmers. The collision sent the van into the path of the tractor, resulting in this mess right here. While at first glance it looks like the results of one of the Transformers having had an abortion, you can clearly see one of the back doors of the van, which should help you make heads or tails of the accident. Apparently rescue crews were still trying to get people out four hours after the accident. Five of the thirteen Amish farmers died, 10 other people were injured.
This isn’t the first time Eldridge has been in trouble with the law. Surprised? Me neither. In 2006 he was arrested for an incident that was infinitely more comical than this. During a traffic stop, Eldridge tried to back into the police cruiser, scuffled with the officer and made off with the police car. Police caught up to roughly 20 minutes later. He was handed 2 years time for his crime.
Apparently the Amish are allowed to use modern transportation if it’s driven by someone who isn’t Amish. They were on a tour of other farms in order to find more modern agricultural techniques they could utilize while still holding to the restrictions imposed by their religion, which basically outlaws anything fun, electrical or not conducive to the growing of epic beards. Something tells me the surviving members of their tribe will think twice about leaving their caves again.