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Seattle, WA Jennifer Kolone, 29, was arrested last month after she apparently attempted to turn her boyfriend’s manjigglies into finger puppets.

Police were called to the couple’s home in the early morning hours of May 24, where they found the 40-year-old victim nekkid and bleeding. The man told police he and Kolone had been arguing when she lost her shit and grabbed hold of his jewels and gave ’em a squeeze.

“Once Jennifer let go (he) felt as if he had urinated himself,” Seattle Detective Pilar Curtis told the court. “When he looked down at his groin area he saw blood.”

Kolone then did what any batshit psycho twunt would do…she calmed down and began cleaning the house as if nothing had happened.

According to investigators, the injury was a “W” shaped wound that required several stitches, surgical glue and a “sling” to close. And though the medical records describe the injury as a knife wound, it doesn’t appear as if an actual knife was involved in the attack.

Police have reportedly responded to the couple’s apartment for domestic disputes on at least three previous occasions, two of which Kolone was supposedly responsible for, but she was never charged. Even now the crazy bitch is on the loose…she was arrested after the incident, but released soon after. She’s looking at charges of third-degree assault.

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Comments


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  • Anonymous

    Oh boy.  I don’t even have dangly bits and this story hurt. 

    Guess she got her point across.

  • seriously….it made my vagina hurt .

  • Anonymous

    And my husband thinks I’m kidding when I say that I WILL HIT IT IN THE NUTS if I find out that he’s cheating on me… that will be the least of his worries when he gets that particular ball rolling.

    First the nuts, then the wallet, then his nice hot rod car and finally his ass will sleep outside. And no @CountRackula, if you’re in the backyard DO NOT LET HIM BE ANYWHERE NEAR YOUR TENT. He will sleep like the indians, either in his own made teepee or under the stars sans a sleeping bag. He can suck my dick for all I care!

  • lolol someones mad today…

  • hehe Twunt

  • Dj

    Reverse the roles and have the man slash her girly parts…Would he be out of jail right now? I doubt it. 

  • Anonymous

    OMG fuck fuck fuck ahhhh jesus christ owwwww fuck fuck that must have hurt soooo fucking bad jesus jesus christ goddamn fuck ouch..

    You get the point…

  • Anonymous

    Holy f*ckitty f*ck!!!!  Notice the letter “W” has two pointy ends….bitch keep her nails sharpened?

  • LeaveMeBe

    I am so glad that I read this story throughly, because the title had me really concerned for this man in a lot of ways. The word slashing had me thinking of a knife, and I was wondering why this dude was arguing with his GF while he was nekkid and exactly what position he would’ve had to been in for her to slash his jewels with a knife and him unable to fend her off. Lesson to you guys, don’t argue with a woman when you are nekkid, whether she has a knife or not.

  • LeaveMeBe

    I am so glad that I read this story throughly, because the title had me really concerned for this man in a lot of ways. The word slashing had me thinking of a knife, and I was wondering why this dude was arguing with his GF while he was nekkid and exactly what position he would’ve had to been in for her to slash his jewels with a knife and him unable to fend her off. Lesson to you guys, don’t argue with a woman when you are nekkid, whether she has a knife or not.

  • Athena

    Probably not.  But I always think it’s worth mentioning when the double standard issue is brought up that most cops, prosecutors and judges are men.  It was probably a men who levied such light charges and a low bail amount.

    Is there a double standard?  Yeah, I’d say so.  But women aren’t really responsible for it, so I hope any vitriol is directed at authorities rather than women.  (Not saying you’re vitriolic, just making a general statement as I’ve seen some men get pretty bent out of shape about how “women only want equal rights when it benefits them”, and that’s not necessarily accurate.)

  • Anonymous

    Looks like Lorena really gave him a bob.   

  • guillotinegirl

    The biggest clue that the bitch is crazy? She voluntarily cleaned the house afterward.

  • Anonymous

    Exactly, because I know you would have just called in a cleaning service.

  • Dj

    Eh, as far as that goes I’ve seen plenty of women clamor for equal rights then turn around and flip out on a man for not being chivalrous (Chivalry in my opinion is sexist at its very core). I know I know NAWALT (Not All Women Are Like That). but that’s not the point I was making.

    I’m not pointing the finger at anyone for the cause of the double standard, I’m just pointing out the double standard and how it’s more or less bullshit. 

  • Anonymous

    You’ve made this argument before and I confess until you pointed it out it, wasn’t something I’d considered, it’s a great point and I agree. My question would be, as more and more women become cops, prosecutors and judges, will we start to see that double standard slowly evaporate ? 

    Also as I’ve pointed out before, on a comment you made about women being more prone to lash out, men usually do a great deal more damage when they do lash out. Which I think could also explain some of these decisions. This one however should be cut and dry. 

  • Anonymous

    Mad cause I’m hungry & too lazy to make my own breakfast after making everyone else’s.

  • MISSanthropic

    I know and like the point you are trying to make. However, I feel that being treated as equals in a professional point of view is different than a man being chivalrous to his wife/girlfriend in a personal relationship. I’m not bringing flowers home to HIM. I like having my boyfriend around to open things, carry shit, and say nice things to me. Oh, and I like him as a person and shit.

  • pikeman and company

    I’m sure it did.

    I hear that God cuts angels balls off who use his name in vain, too. A word to the wise, Knowitall. 😛

  • Anonymous

    I am not an angel and as a human, even if I somehow made it to heaven, humans can never be angels because we got free will and we will all probably burn in hell as a result of this gift.

    I am think I am safe.

  • Honestly I’m surprised she didnt cry and say he hit her so he would go to jail.

  • Athena

    I appreciate the point, I really do.  But it’s two ways.  I’ve had men call me rude and threaten to walk if I insist on paying my own way on a date.  I’ve encountered similar disgust upon opening a door for a man or refusing to be ordered for.

    Some men want to keep women in their place and some women want to stay there.  I’d like to believe most of us have moved past that, though.

    I understand the point you were making.  I was just making a preemptive strike based on my experience with where statements like that tend to lead (hence my disclaimer at the end). 😛

  • Athena

    On your first point… I guess only time will tell.  I’d like to believe that women want legal equality badly enough to to observe it when they’re the ones enforcing the law, but my general experience with women causes me to doubt.  

    As to your second point, absolutely.  A lot of charges are dependent on the degree of injury, which would explain lesser charges/sentences.  But that would negate the double standard argument (as the crimes are different in severity).  

    I do believe there is a statistical double standard when it comes to the justice system’s treatment of men and women accused of the same severity of crime, and I think the causes are complicated and the solutions nowhere in sight.  

  • pikeman and company

    Yes, I know. I was referring to your cute little avatar. I’m not sure why you are big on angels or “angles” as you first referred to them as. Anyway, that statement was a joke. I’m not even sure if angels have balls. God holds them to higher morals than us humans, apparently.

    God: “What? You dare disagree with Me, Lucifer? How dare you! I am God! Fine! You’re going to a lake of fire forever for disagreeing with Me! I’d better get busy creating that. I think I’ll call it ‘Hades'”

  • Anonymous

    People seem to react better to the porcelain angel… I have never been able to keep the angel/angle thing straight when typing.

  • Anonymous

    manjigglies in a sling!!!!!!! LMAO!!

  • Anonymous

    What kind of a person do you have to be to instinctually grab a mans testicles and squeeze just because you’re upset with him??  It’s like..  Ugh..  really??  This is almost as bad as those tit biters.. 

  • i undersatnd now.

  • but but, I love flowers!

  • but what place do tall women fit into?

  • the woman judge in this county is ms do as i say not as i do Dui case

  • Anonymous

    Wow, so my ex is a judge now.

  • if her names raccogulia

  • Anonymous

    Nope, huh, just coincidence I guess. Her last name was “yeahwellfuckyoutoo”.

  • Anonymous

    Bras for balls. Could catch on, you may have something there.

  • a good tit biting makes for a row

  • Wicked Smilee

    She must be like an olympic gold medal ball slasher, to be able to access the ball area during a fight~!  Guys usually have an uncanny ability to cover them so quickly, it’s like they have esp for balls….  My x used to instinctively raise a leg if i sneezed around him…

  • Dj

    In my opinion, a truly chivalrous man in a relationship is putting in more than 50% of the effort as a baseline, In order to offset that I think he needs to be given back something more as well. I’m not saying a huge difference but like a 60/40 or 55/45 split on who gets to choose what we watch on TV tonight, what movie we see, or where we go to eat. I think that’s a fair trade for giving up my coat, holding open doors, carrying things, ect. 

    Just as you enjoy the chivalrous act, I myself enjoy being chivalrous to a woman who deserves it, though I do expect the above as I believe being chivalrous requires more effort. 

  • MISSanthropic

    No, that I agree on. I’m not asking to be a princess. I just feel chivalry toward women in a personal relationship is important. When we’re moving, I’m not gonna grab one end of the couch while he has the other and say let’s do this! That’s what his friends are for, lol. Also, I’m forced to watch the Mets all the time. : (  I loathe baseball so I think things are pretty fair. : P

  • Anonymous

    The “W” injury could’ve been caused by either knife or scissors.  When you squeeze, you’re folding (ugh) the flaps of skin, so it just takes one cut to make the “W” 

    …WHAT???  I did a lot of sewing (of FABRIC, not skin, LOL), so….

  • Smileypants

    I would hope that a red mark on her face would still not come even close to slashed nuts, and she still woulda gone to jail!! But yeah, she could have (tried) to get them to arrest him too….insult to injured ballsack  :oP

  • Smileypants

    She will *NOT* be ignored. Ever. Damn…..

  • Athena

    Don’t get me started, brotha man.  If I had a nickle for every man who’s had a hidden masculinity-oriented complex brought to the surface by my height… shit, I’d be able to buy myself a king-sized candy bar. 😛

  • Anonymous

    Athena If you pm me your shipping address I will send you a king sized candy bar!  Snickers o.k.?

  •  You talk like a big shot. Your anuzzz needs to be brutalized for daring to rise up to men.

  • Her anus? Sounds like you prefer men?