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Wisconsin Rapids, WI — Four members of Lincoln High School’s state championship wrestling team are facing disorderly conduct charges after being accused of repeatedly sexually harassing a fellow wrestler in the locker room.

According to the criminal complaint, the accused, Zachary Benitz, 18; Kasey Einerson, 17; Rylan Lubeck, 17; and Devin Peterson, 17, reportedly made one freshman wrestler’s season a living hell full of wins towards their 20th state championship as well as their naked penises being placed on various parts of his body.

The 15-year-old victim claims that on about 5 to 10 separate occasions, the accused would dance around him while they were naked, swinging their penises at him. He described an incident in the shower where he says one of the accused placed their penis on his butt. He was unable to get away from the offending member because he was “boxed in by two other wrestlers.” On another occasion, the victim said that he “had to climb into a locker” to prevent a penis from hitting him in the face.

What the hell was going on in this locker room? It sounds like a penis hurricane going on in there. It’s almost like if you were a wrestler on that team and were not keen on having another boy’s penis on or in your body somewhere, you’d have to walk in wearing a suit of armor and listen to all the flying penises slapping against it like hail on a tin roof.

Police began investigating the sexual harassment claims after the victim told his mother why he did not want to go to the team banquet. After six other witnesses confirmed the victim’s claims, the four accused were charged with misdemeanor disorderly conduct and help strengthen some’s perception that wrestling is of the gayest activities ever created, designed purely for repressed homosexuals to get their rocks off. Well, aside from fraternity hazing.

This post has received the Andrew Clark Seal of Approval.


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