Sultan, WA — If you happened to be driving down U.S. 2 in Washington on Thursday, there’s a chance you saw a half-naked woman acting crazy and holding a severed dog’s head with a towel. If you didn’t, consider the possibility that you have not yet lived.
At roughly 11:30 AM police received calls about the nutter from concerned motorists. Snohomish County Sheriff’s department spokeswoman Rebecca Hover said the woman was “…distraught and not making sense,” which is funny because the last time I met a half-naked woman holding the severed head of a canine she was calm, and gave me a very compelling and well-prepared speech on quantum mechanics. In case you needed something to help you visualize this mess, Hover also said the dog might be a German Shepherd/Lab mix.
The woman, 48, was taken to a hospital to be evaluated. Police say they believe she chopped Scruffy’s noggin off at her house, where they also found two cats and another dog. Fortunately, those pets still had their cute, furry heads attached. No word yet on charges.