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Police: Drunk Man Drives Through Crime Scene Tape, Pants Unzipped And Porn Mags Open

April 21, 2011 at 4:27 am by  

Police: Drunk Man Drives Through Crime Scene Tape, Pants Unzipped And Porn Mags OpenPortland, OR – Tragedy struck when a teen was shot outside the Lloyd Center Mall in Northeast Portland Monday. Shiloh Hampton, 14, was shot in the head and stomach and died Wednesday as a result.

“Someone fired numerous rounds at the entire group. Shiloh was struck by the gunfire while the rest of the group fled from the area,” said Lt. Kelli Sheffer with the Portland Police. “None of the persons with Shiloh remained to talk with police.”

Police said that they think the shooters may have escaped in a white Mercedes. The perpetrators are still at large and police are hoping to receive help from the public to identify the shooter.

Wait… then who is the happy looking dude in the picture? Isn’t he the shooter? No, kids. Sadly, he is not.

The person pictured is Kevin Signalness, also of Portland. You see… according to Portland police, while they were securing the Lloyd Center Mall crime scene, Signalness drove through their crime scene tape in a stolen car. When police approached the vehicle, they reportedly found Signalness to be intoxicated. The police report also alleges that he had his pants unzipped and had pornographic magazines laying open on the passenger seat.

Looks like we’re gonna need more crime scene tape…

Kevin Signalness appeared in court Tuesday to face charges of driving under the influence of intoxicants, reckless driving and public indecency.

No word yet on the outcome of that appearance.

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43 Comments

    Comments


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    • http://www.dreamindemon.com Jaded

      Laughing my fucking ass off at that mug….damn.

    • Parrot Toes

      Is he more angry that he got caught with his pants down or about the squirrel that’s starving to death on his head?

    • malq

      Poor guy, Just minding his own business, doing manshit and get’s wrapped up in a murder. he should be released.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sade-May/1653757709 Sade May

      He has the ugliest head I ever did see.

    • FrikkenFrak

      lmao!

    • FrikkenFrak

      Can you imagine waking up next to THAT after a night of hard partying?

    • Parrot Toes

      I read this somewhere………. :P

      “Ugh. Retch. UNREAD BUTTON, please!!!!”

    • Anonymous

      Something tells me he didn’t get his happy ending.

    • Anonymous

      I gotta tell you, I didn’t think anyone but Sideshow Bob could pull off that hairstyle. I was so wrong.

    • Gee

      That where blackouts come in handy. Wake up next to that shit you run never to look back ! Then much more alcohol to forget.

    • Anonymous

      Wow, that’s public indecency in several different ways! :(

    • Anonymous

      do i get to share that you referred to him as “frankendork” in a private d’d communiqué?

    • Anonymous

      If there was a physical description of what the word: “derranged” was in the dictionary THIS is the picture of what the word means.

      If all serial killers (in the caucasian race) looked alike: this is what they’d look like.

    • Anonymous

      If there was a physical description of what the word: “derranged” was in the dictionary THIS is the picture of what the word means.

      If all serial killers (in the caucasian race) looked alike: this is what they’d look like.

    • Anonymous

      If there was a physical description of what the word: “derranged” was in the dictionary THIS is the picture of what the word means.

      If all serial killers (in the caucasian race) looked alike: this is what they’d look like.

    • pikeman

      You know you have hit rock bottom when:
      You don’t have money for a haircut, so you grab a bowl and scissors and do the best you can.
      You can’t buy a car, so you steal one and put all your porno mags in there so you can jerk off when you drive.
      You drink some cheap wine or beer, then go for a cruise in your stolen car jerking off to your porno mags.
      You realize you have driven your stolen car into a crime scene, there’s cops all over, and your shlong is hanging out.
      You end up on Dreamin Demon looking like some kind of reject Frankenstein that just crawled out from under a rock..

    • pikeman

      You know you have hit rock bottom when:
      You don’t have money for a haircut, so you grab a bowl and scissors and do the best you can.
      You can’t buy a car, so you steal one and put all your porno mags in there so you can jerk off when you drive.
      You drink some cheap wine or beer, then go for a cruise in your stolen car jerking off to your porno mags.
      You realize you have driven your stolen car into a crime scene, there’s cops all over, and your shlong is hanging out.
      You end up on Dreamin Demon looking like some kind of reject Frankenstein that just crawled out from under a rock..

    • pikeman

      You know you have hit rock bottom when:
      You don’t have money for a haircut, so you grab a bowl and scissors and do the best you can.
      You can’t buy a car, so you steal one and put all your porno mags in there so you can jerk off when you drive.
      You drink some cheap wine or beer, then go for a cruise in your stolen car jerking off to your porno mags.
      You realize you have driven your stolen car into a crime scene, there’s cops all over, and your shlong is hanging out.
      You end up on Dreamin Demon looking like some kind of reject Frankenstein that just crawled out from under a rock..

    • pikeman

      You know you have hit rock bottom when:
      You don’t have money for a haircut, so you grab a bowl and scissors and do the best you can.
      You can’t buy a car, so you steal one and put all your porno mags in there so you can jerk off when you drive.
      You drink some cheap wine or beer, then go for a cruise in your stolen car jerking off to your porno mags.
      You realize you have driven your stolen car into a crime scene, there’s cops all over, and your shlong is hanging out.
      You end up on Dreamin Demon looking like some kind of reject Frankenstein that just crawled out from under a rock..

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_5WYTW5UWWTGEKN4L2HBZ7I4E5E Zazen

      I just look at that mug and imagine what they could have said to him just before taking the picture.

      ‘Mr. Signalness, what would you say if we were to tell you your brand new toupee was made from 100% all natural yak ball hair??!’

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_5WYTW5UWWTGEKN4L2HBZ7I4E5E Zazen

      I just look at that mug and imagine what they could have said to him just before taking the picture.

      ‘Mr. Signalness, what would you say if we were to tell you your brand new toupee was made from 100% all natural yak ball hair??!’

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_5WYTW5UWWTGEKN4L2HBZ7I4E5E Zazen

      I just look at that mug and imagine what they could have said to him just before taking the picture.

      ‘Mr. Signalness, what would you say if we were to tell you your brand new toupee was made from 100% all natural yak ball hair??!’

    • Parrot Toes

      RACIST!
      :P

    • Parrot Toes

      RACIST!
      :P

    • Parrot Toes

      He’s mad ’cause they made him pull his pants up and didn’t let him finish.

    • Anonymous

      As if the hair on that head flattering that face wasn’t enough for my brain, my minds eye is sickened by the unzipped pants with reading materials. Ew.

      Running through the police tape was definitely the climax of this event.

    • Anonymous

      He probably found the car idling at the kerb and thought he would take it to the police, and the alcohol and the pron mags were in it when he found it, – and look there is the police! He thought he’d just deliver it to them outside the mall since they were there anyway and it would save him the trip to the station…….

      Think I’ll make a good defence lawyer yet? :-P

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_D5PKUBLEDATKIOTLCOF3M7KHGI Danielle

      Wow!

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Trisha-Doran/1055147616 Trisha Doran

      Wait! Aren’t all serial killers caucasian anyway?

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Trisha-Doran/1055147616 Trisha Doran

      Priceless!

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Trisha-Doran/1055147616 Trisha Doran

      Priceless!

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Trisha-Doran/1055147616 Trisha Doran

      snicker – you said climax!

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Trisha-Doran/1055147616 Trisha Doran

      snicker – you said climax!

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Trisha-Doran/1055147616 Trisha Doran

      snicker – you said climax!

    • pikeman

      Malq- driving down the car pool lane jerking off to a Hustler doing 30 miles per hour.

      “No officer, I really do have a passenger. Look, down here.” *fwap* *fwap* *fwap*

    • hershey

      His head looks like an acorn. lmao

    • Anonymous

      OK, seriously, this is photoshopped right? It cannot be real is it? I mean, look at this photo. Oh hell no, I’m gonna use it as an avatar.

    • Anonymous

      OK, seriously, this is photoshopped right? It cannot be real is it? I mean, look at this photo. Oh hell no, I’m gonna use it as an avatar.

    • Parrot Toes

      Oh come on, admit it…..he’s really cute in a Maw is Pa’s sister, mom and cousin, redneck kinda way. I’d do him……if he were my cousin, uncle and brother and I were raised to spit in a spittoon while whittlin’ a piece of wood into a banjo. I would have to draw the line at Pa and Gramps though.
      :P

    • malq

      of course, I would be doing 20 in a school zone.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_7S6FCMXMG7CMZG54WLODK53DG4 Cyn

      Didn’t they do a movie about this guy? Eraser head or something of the like…

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