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Collinsville, IL — No crime here, Demonites, but I’m a sucker for a mystery and our very own John House was kind enough to send this interesting little nugget my way.

An unidentified special education teacher at Webster Elementary School was suspended earlier this week after allegations surfaced that he ordered the third and fourth graders in his class to remove their underwear in the hopes of solving a mystery of the “fecal” variety.

From what I understand, one of the man’s seven students either took a dump or left skid marks on the floor of the classroom late last month. In order to identify the alleged dookie dropper, the teacher had each student remove their underwear in a private bathroom stall while he waited outside. The children were then directed to redress themselves and exit the stall…skivvies in hand. Teach then inspected each and every pair. What, exactly, he was looking for is unclear, but dingleberries come to mind.

The teacher apparently said that he was trying to find out who had shat their pants so the guilty party could be sent to the school nurse.

A letter sent home to the parents of the children in that particular class calls the teacher’s actions “inappropriate,” but states that at no time were the students exposed to the teacher or to his/her classmates.

One pissed off parent had this to say about the bizarre incident: “I’m livid, absolutely freaking livid. For a teacher to make a kid go to that extent to find out if they have poops in their pants or whatever is crazy and it would completely embarrass the child. And these are kids that are special ed kids.”

Collinsville Superintendent Dennis Craft issued a statement saying, “We have investigated the issue thoroughly. The teacher will not be back in the classroom.”

Nope, he won’t be back in the classroom – the school board has decided not to renew his contract. But, he will be paid for the rest of the school year, and he may still be wandering around the building doing odd jobs until the school year is officially over.

What say you, Demonites? Would ya freak?

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