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Police: 14 Year Old Boy Stole Church Van To Drive To SchoolGARY, IN – When Officer Simon Lillie pulled onto the property of the West Side Leadership Academy, he thought nothing about the van in front of him. Later, Lillie said, “I just thought someone short was driving the van.” The van circled the lot a couple of times and parked; it was a school employee who pointed out to the officer that the driver was a 14-year-old student of the school. Police say the boy stole the van — a church van, no less — because he didn’t want to walk the several blocks to school. And how did he get access to the van? According what the teen’s mother told authorities, he must’ve taken the van’s keys while attending choir practice at Evening Star Missionary Baptist Church earlier in the week.

The combination of these factors — church choir member, indications of sloth, theft of a church vehicle — causes a small bubble of wicked joy to form in my heart. But at the same time, I have to hand it to this kid. First off, what teen wants to come toolin’ up to school in a goddamned church van, of all things? Maybe he really, really, really did not want to walk those few blocks to school, but you’d have to pay me large sums of money before I’d risk getting seen driving around town in any vehicle marked with the words “Missionary Baptist Church” (plus, God would probably send down a strategically aimed lightning bolt before I even put it into drive, but that’s between me and Her). Second, he apparently was driving okay, as the cop right behind him didn’t even notice. According to Officer Lillie, the boy “didn’t say where he learned to drive. He was doing just fine. I was behind him but didn’t think anything of it.” And finally, guess what the kid did once he got the van parked? Go ahead, guess. Okay, you’re wrong. He put an anti-theft device on the steering wheel so no one (else?) could steal the van.

I’m not one for encouraging minors to engage in illegal activities. In fact, I’m not one to have anything whatsoever to do with minors, as I find them to generally be obnoxious little shits. But I’m going to admit to the tiniest smidgen of admiration for this one. Anti-theft device, indeed.

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  • Parrot Toes

    This kid was just doing this to make God laugh. God has a sense of humour right? He must because I’m pretty sure He was joking when He sent my sister to my family. In fact, I’m positive He has a twisted sense of humour because He hasn’t taken her back yet.

    Liz, I’m so glad to see you writing for us again. It warms my cold heart. <3

  • Lizard

    Thanks, PT. I’m a super unreliable FP writer: the desire to write will come on me and burn hot for a bit, then you won’t see me for a while. Regardless, I’m usually lurking in the background, waiting to publicly humiliate Morbid over any gaffe he might make.

  • Anonymous

    Must’ve been damned cold if he was willing to risk going to jail for stealing a van so he would drive to school.

  • Anonymous

    Ha Ha Ha I’m back I finally figured out what was wrong with my DISQUS account I just had to go to the home page logout then log back in. Thanks for posting on a sunday Lizard great writeup by the way. I too wouldn’t be caught dead driving a church van.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Wade-Wilson/100000223724221 Wade Wilson

    I don’t blame the kid. I’d rather steal a van than walk a few blocks through Gary too.

  • Anonymous

    And now he’s cut his walk from blocks to yards in Juvie.

  • Lizard

    Unless he has a history of juvenile delinquency, he probably went home as soon as the paperwork was finished. If adjudicated, I say probation and a letter of apology. Maybe community service. I wonder if he’s gotten kicked off the choir…

  • Lizard

    Unless he has a history of juvenile delinquency, he probably went home as soon as the paperwork was finished. If adjudicated, I say probation and a letter of apology. Maybe community service. I wonder if he’s gotten kicked off the choir…

  • Lizard

    Unless he has a history of juvenile delinquency, he probably went home as soon as the paperwork was finished. If adjudicated, I say probation and a letter of apology. Maybe community service. I wonder if he’s gotten kicked off the choir…

  • Lizard

    Unless he has a history of juvenile delinquency, he probably went home as soon as the paperwork was finished. If adjudicated, I say probation and a letter of apology. Maybe community service. I wonder if he’s gotten kicked off the choir…

  • Anonymous

    HER?!?!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1652212839 Susan Taylor

    Here’s a sick story from Indiana: 3/13/2011 HIV man molested 8 year old:

    http://www.wishtv.com/dpp/news/local/marion_county/Man-arrested-for-molesting-8-year-old-boy

  • Parrot Toes

    Is this that game where you type a word and then someone else types the first word that comes to their mind?……

    I’ll play……..

    FLUFFY!!!

  • Parrot Toes

    Is this that game where you type a word and then someone else types the first word that comes to their mind?……

    I’ll play……..

    FLUFFY!!!

  • Parrot Toes

    You should join the forums. There are actually areas there where you could post stuff like that and it will probably get more attention there than here on the FP (front page), since here it will be swallowed up by all the new stories that get posted each day.

  • Anonymous

    I went to school with a kid who either tried to steal or just vandalize a church van (I was never clear on which) .. He was a special ed kid, and I overheard his “aide” trying to help him compose an apology letter to the church – He didnt seem all that repentant.. He went on to make an illigitimate child with a married woman (a friend of my brother’s), and then topped it off by stabbing some guy outside a bar and doing time in prison..

    Draw whatever conclusion you want from that story..

  • http://infowars.com Domino

    i once threatened to steal my mother’s car to go to school.

    she refused to let me go to school because i had not cleaned my room (good enough).

    enraged and just in absolute shock at to what lengths this woman would go to try to sabotage me (at times), i grabbed the keys and took off out the door… before calming myself and phoning the school with my dilemma.

    luckily for me the school i was attending at the time already knew of her issues. we plotted for me to act like i was going to make the journey on foot and then meet up at a designated area to get my ass to school.

    so with little stories like that having taken place like that in my life – leads me to believe maybe something just as strange could have been happening with this kid. or not, but i’ve experienced crazier things in my short life.

  • Anonymous

    Harry potter!?

  • Anonymous

    Harry potter!?

  • Anonymous

    WTF is that kind of solution to cleaning your room!? My mom threaten to kill me if I didn’t not that I couldn’t go to school! I hated going to school w/that threat over my head though, it psychologically screws you up. And she wonders why I moved from P.R. to western CANADA.

  • Anonymous

    WTF is that kind of solution to cleaning your room!? My mom threaten to kill me if I didn’t not that I couldn’t go to school! I hated going to school w/that threat over my head though, it psychologically screws you up. And she wonders why I moved from P.R. to western CANADA.

  • Wildheart

    CLOCK!!

  • http://infowars.com Domino

    rofl. i know! they can’t fathom why their kids turned into free birds, relocating all over god’s green earth.

  • Anonymous

    yottabyte!

  • Anonymous

    yottabyte!

  • lightofthefeather

    I am a teacher of this student. He has never been a problem in my class. I heard that he stole the van and drove it to school, because was afraid he was going to be jumped by someone. I can actually believe this, because I witnessed his older brother being jumped on his walk home from school (by about 5 guys) just a few weeks earlier. My husband and I pulled up as the attack began, and we pulled over and stopped it. His brother was pretty seriously injured.

  • lightofthefeather

    I am a teacher of this student. He has never been a problem in my class. I heard that he stole the van and drove it to school, because was afraid he was going to be jumped by someone. I can actually believe this, because I witnessed his older brother being jumped on his walk home from school (by about 5 guys) just a few weeks earlier. My husband and I pulled up as the attack began, and we pulled over and stopped it. His brother was pretty seriously injured.

  • lightofthefeather

    I am a teacher of this student. He has never been a problem in my class. I heard that he stole the van and drove it to school, because was afraid he was going to be jumped by someone. I can actually believe this, because I witnessed his older brother being jumped on his walk home from school (by about 5 guys) just a few weeks earlier. My husband and I pulled up as the attack began, and we pulled over and stopped it. His brother was pretty seriously injured.

  • Anonymous

    lol.. the incident I spoke of happened over 12 years ago? .. Yeah.. Yer goofy..

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