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Suspected Drunk Driver Accused Of Spitting Feces On Officers FaceDurango, CO — Paul Andrew Kausalik, 61, was arrested earlier this month on suspicion of drunk driving. That’s not what earned him a spot here at the Dreamin’ Demon, though…he earned his 15 minutes of shame by allegedly spitting his own feces on the face of the arresting officer.

The alleged shit-spitter was pulled over on February 11, after Officer Chad Langley observed him taking a right without using his turn signal. After making contact with Kausalik, the officer detected the aroma of alcohol on his breath. Though Kausalik denied being under the influence, he reportedly blew a .142, almost three times the .05 legal driving limit in the state of Colorado. Kausalik was placed under arrest and transported to the cop shop for a formal breath test.

Upon arrival at the station, Kausalik asked to use the facilities. Officer Langley reported that he was forced to enter the shitter to wake the man twice, telling Kausalik that he couldn’t stay in the restroom all night to avoid the breath test – he needed to either take the test or choose a refusal.

Langely stated that Kausalik eventually ambled out of the bathroom, and when he did, it was apparent that he had something in his mouth. When he got about 4-feet away from the officer, he looked up from the floor, opened his mouth and took a big breath.

“As I observed what he had in his mouth, I took a step back and began turning my head as he violently spit the contents of his mouth toward my face,” officer Langley wrote in the affidavit. “I felt the matter strike the left side of my face and head.”

Kausalik also had feces on his hands, police say. Personally, I woulda beat that bastard to a bloody pulp with the closest blunt object. Officer Langley, however, refrained. Kausalik was restrained and taken to the La Plata County Jail where he was booked on suspicion of felony assault on a police officer. Formal charges are expected to be filed on March 4.

Paul Kausalik, 31-year veteran of the U.S. Postal Service, remains free on a personal-recognizance bond.

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  • Parrot Toes

    What a nasty shit, pun intended. He should get together with the woman from the video who likes to snack on her crap. They would get along great I think. Perhaps a match made in Heaven.

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  • Anonymous

    when will postal workers understand that the shit-spitting… the mass killings… and other routine aspects of their office culture are considered odd – nay, rude – in general society.

  • Jury

    I’d say he was shit-faced for sure.

  • Anonymous

    Yep, what a real shithead. Damn, I would have thrown up my last three meals, and then beat the stuffing out of that guy, OMG, that is just WAY BEYOND nasty. I’m pretty nauseated just reading about it, ergh…

  • Pyncky

    Too disgusting for words.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/John-House/1011555524 John House

    Good new imagery for the term “going postal”!

  • Anonymous

    I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit . . .

  • guillotinegirl

    Throwing poo gorilla style should have been enough, unless the lop thought eating crap would somehow help him pass a breathalyzer test.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/John-House/1011555524 John House

    Mm, vomit AND feces in the mouth this morning. Great breakfast talk!

  • http://infowars.com Domino

    <3 this guy!!!

  • Anonymous

    oooooo . . . . i didn’t want to remember that, I told my wife about that lady and asked her if she wanted to watch the clip, she just looked at me weird and said “i dont want you going to the website no more.” hahaha

  • Summer

    And here I thought that the woman who drank the semen filled water would be the most nauseating story I would read today. Thank you, Jaded, for proving me wrong. I am currently 8 months pregnant, and extremely grateful that I have not yet eaten anything today. I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t still be in my stomach anyway. *shudders*

  • Anonymous

    Oh dear God. Stop that right now. The thought of the DD being used as a dating site is enough to make me rethink my position on eugenics.

  • Anonymous

    Oh dear God. Stop that right now. The thought of the DD being used as a dating site is enough to make me rethink my position on eugenics.

  • Anonymous

    My reaction to this story, a one act play:

    “Blaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrfffffff!”
    *cough* *cough*
    “Oh, god… Bbbllllllaaaaaarrrrfff! Why would you… BLLAAAARRRFFFFF!!!!!”
    *sniff* *snort*
    ” I mean it was IN HIS MOUTH”
    *gurk* *heave*
    “Blaaaaarrrrfffff!”
    “How did he spit it? Did he have to chew it first…?”
    *heave* *heave**hurk*
    “DAMN YOU, INNER MIND’S EYE!!!” (shake fist)
    /end

    You will all have to forgive me. I must go rock in a corner and sob like a small child.

  • Anonymous

    WTF? He put his shit in his mouth to spit it at the officer?? That dirty bastard. Talk about butt-breath.. What a filthy, shit eating pig this poor excuse of a man is. I commend the officer for not beating the shit out of him (poops…I mean oops)..I don’t know if I would be able to hold back. I LOVE the fact his picture is posted for the world to see…I hope every friend he might have, his family, neighbors, etc. will see this article somewhere and find out he eats and plays in his own feces. And they thought that was dirt under his fingernails and broccoli in his teeth!

  • Anonymous

    Did you have to ask if he’d chewed it first?!

  • Anonymous

    This is one news I could’ve lived without reading.

  • Wildheart

    LMAO…my boyfriend just asked me last night “Are you the one who sent me the clip of that woman eating her own shit?!” LOL!

  • Anonymous

    Talk about a Potty Mouth.

  • Anonymous

    If it makes you feel any better, I actually dry-heaved (for real) when that thought occurred to me. I can feel my stomach clench up just typing about it right now!

  • Anonymous

    Is it wrong that I am ROTFLMAO at that?

    –Al

  • Anonymous