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Sarasota County, FL — When Neil Lansing showed up in court to answer to petty theft charges last week, he must have known he was going to be caged for a bit because, well…he packed accordingly.

After the judge handed down his sentence, Lansing was escorted to his temporary home. As corrections officers were conducting a routine search, they found part of a condom sticking out of his butt. Inside the condom, a treasure trove…

According to sheriff’s officials: inside the condom they found 17 round blue pills, one cigarette, six matches, one flint, one empty syringe with an eraser over the needle, one lip balm container, one additional unused condom, a receipt from CVS pharmacy and a paper coupon. The only thing missing was a good book.

The 33-year-old man is now looking at a few additional charges and is being held without bond.

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Comments


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  • Parrot Toes

    He must have been in prison before because his ass sure can handle a load……

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_PKSJ42VBXNAFJLOH54Y3K4KTXU Heather Habilatory

    *cringe*

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/John-House/1011555524 John House

    “a receipt from CVS pharmacy and a paper coupon…”

    He must’ve been keeping track of his Extra Care Bucks.

  • Mamma

    My butt hole is not a backpack. His seems to be.

  • Anonymous

    HOW IN THA FUCK!?????? When I get it up the ass it’s painfull as hell at the beginning & that thing doesn’t have any sharp edges!?????!?!?!

  • Anonymous

    I want to know how he got the cigarette up there without breaking it.

  • Parrot Toes

    Too much info. My vision of you is now ruined. :P

  • Wanderer

    One unused condom? 17 blue pills, but only ONE condom. Why even bother? haha

  • Zibarro aka Kryssa

    Sumthin’ tells me he’s been to this rodeo many, many times before. I don’t care *who* you are… if your asshole is roomy enough to hold all that shit, not break the cigarette and still walk around without flinching or walking all kinds of whacky —- you’ve gotten some big dicks up your ass on a daily basis! No constipation worries here… but stay the fuck away from Taco Hell! Ain’t no way you’d be able to clench your asshole shut in an emergency! Ewwww.

  • Parrot Toes

    Maybe the extra condom was for on-his-way-out supply….

  • Parrot Toes

    Maybe the extra condom was for on-his-way-out supply….

  • Anonymous

    Gotta love a guy who plans for the future.

  • Anonymous

    LOL

  • guillotinegirl

    Like throwing a hot dog down a hallway.

  • Anonymous

    A penny saved is a penny you don’t have to shove up your ass on your way out of jail.

  • Anonymous

    I love that he brought the receipt. In case he needed to return anything while he was in jail. This guy is truly a criminal mastermind.

  • Anonymous

    Wow – his prison wallet carries more than my purse!

  • Anonymous

    Only One Cigarette!?

  • Anonymous

    Only One Cigarette!?

  • Summer

    Thank you so very much for pointing that out, because I was really, really bothered by the fact that this creep was taking a condom into jail with him. *shudder*

  • Summer

    If I had to guess, I would say that the cigarette was probably placed inside the tube of the empty syringe.

  • Summer

    This guy trys to take all this shit in with him, but doesn’t think to take anything with him that could actually help him turn a profit in jail. This all seems rather creative when you first look at it, but if you are going to get yourself caught for smuggling stuff into jail, you should at least make sure it is something worth the effort.

  • http://infowars.com Domino

    that’s my husbands same complaint. hmph.

  • Anonymous

    No shit Parrot…I wonder what the receipts and coupon were for?

  • Anonymous

    Cracking up…I just got my answer for the coupon and receipt question to Parrot.

  • Anonymous

    Fucking funny…that was great

  • Anonymous

    Great posts…I have been laughing my empty ass off.

  • Anonymous

    I bet the ‘little blue pills’ were perc. 30’s aka Hillbilly Heroine

  • Anonymous

    Or viagra

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ZK3UXAGWBPO3AUVGHFRMK67W6U fn ln

    “Update. The police are still searching Neil Lansing’s anus as more and more prison contraband items surface. So far the investigators have also found a carton of cigarettes, 5 cigars, 3 bags full of marijuana, two bottles of beer, a sandbag full of cocaine, six cell phones, two tubs of anal lubricant, four porn DVD’s, a laptop, a PS3, three prostitutes, seven handguns with 200 rounds of ammunition, a minigun with an ammo belt, satchel charges, dynamites, two armoured Humvees, a sealed container full of nuclear waste and an aircraft carrier. The investigation is still underway and more prohibited items are expected to surface.”