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Las Cruces, NM — Police are searching for an unidentified 44-year-old woman who they say ripped her daughter-in-law’s nipple off during a drunken argument early Sunday morning. According to the 30-year-old victim, she, her husband, his mother and one of her husband’s friends had spent a good part of Saturday evening getting plastered. At some point after 3:00 a.m., mother and son started bickering. The victim, acting as a mediator, placed herself in between the two buzzkills as the argument intensified. And for her efforts, she was rewarded with the sickest, most twistiest titty-twister EVAR. The woman told police her mother-in-law grabbed her right breast and began to squeeze and pull on her nipple, releasing the bud only after the victim began punching her in the face. The struggle between the two women continued as the victim attempted to remove the older woman and her belongings from her apartment. At some point after the tussle, the victim felt fluid on her chest and noticed blood on her shirt. She told police that when she untucked her tank top, her nipple fell on the floor. The woman then picked her nipple up off the floor and placed it in a plastic bag. After that, well…she just kinda sat around for a few hours before coming to the conclusion that a trip to the emergency room might be a good idea. The police showed up at the hospital as doctors were in the process of nipple reattachment. The victim declined to press charges against her mother-in-law, but police say that once they find her, she will likely be charged with felony aggravated battery against a household member. The 44-year-old nipple ripper, deemed a habitual offender by police, has previously spent time in prison on drug possession charges. Thanks for the tip, AmyB80!

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