Good day, sickos. I want to thank all of you for your calls and emails inquiring about my well-being and offering sex at various public parks. But fear not, I am just on a much-deserved, much-needed vacation. Although I am off this week, I will be writing up some stuff off and on while finally being able to focus on some DD house cleaning. I'll also have time to respond to some of you interested in writing. In the meantime, be sure to check out the forums for the latest in terrible news.

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Hutchinson, KS — Police say an intoxicated 25-year-old Kevin Funderburk sweet-talked his way into the home of a 71-year-old woman over the weekend under the guise that he was homeless and had nowhere else to go. He told the woman he was drunk and didn’t want any trouble with police. Once the woman opened her home to him, he reportedly attacked – holding the woman down and trying to rape her. The woman wasn’t about to let dude have his way with her. The spunky grandma managed to get her hands on a frying pan and proceeded to beat the snot out of the rapey shitstain. “She was fighting for her life,” said detective Sgt. John Moore. “She beat him down with a frying pan.” Officials say the woman was injured at some point during the struggle, but the extent of said injuries hasn’t been reported. In spite of her injuries, grandma knocked him the fuck out! When police responded to the woman’s home early Saturday morning, they found Funderburk unconscious in a puddle of his own vomit. He was transported to the hospital and had his scalp was stapled shut. Upon his release from the hospital, Funderburk was jailed on suspicion of attempted rape, aggravated battery, criminal restraint and criminal damage to property. Bond has been set at $55,200.

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  • http://www.dreamindemon.com Jaded

    CLANG!!

  • jessiluvsslayer

    love it! finally someone gets what they deserve but a 25 yr old raping a 71 yr old woman that just isnt right

  • litttlemoonseductress

    Dude, got his ass handed to him by Grandma!!! Oh yeah! This just warms me to the very core. I hope Grandma heals swiftly and with no complications. I hope every inmate finds out what this little shit tried to do and what Grammy did to him!

  • Darsa

    @Jaded: OMG!! ROFLMAO!!!

    And AWESOME GRAMMA! That’s the kind I wanna be when I get to that point.

    And… Funderburk? *snortgiggle*

  • Bulletproof

    Hell yeah! What a kick-ass grandma! I think I have a new hero <3. And rape is wrong no matter WHO it is, but raping a 71 year old lady?!?! That is ALL KINDS of fucked up…

  • FlamingFox

    they found Funderburk unconscious in a puddle of his own vomit. He was transported to the hospital and had his scalp was stapled shut.

    That part really warmed the cockles of my heart! This granny ROCKS!

  • tmfuller21

    Way to go Gramma, I love(hate)it when these little shits pick a little old woman to take advantage of not knowing Gramma has a little spunk up her sleeve! Kicking ass and taking names! Hope her injuries weren’t severe and she makes a speedy recovery, she needs to make it home so she can bask in the glow of her new found fame of Gramma Funderbutt Kicker:)

  • intelligentvirtue

    lmao! I bet it was an iron skillet too! Peeps wonder why I don’t upgrade to non-sticks but one never knows that iron skillet may come in handy to fight of skeevy rapist…or punish mouthy boyfriends.
    <3 gram!

  • redrobyn

    Back in the old days, most women were wimps. But some of them could kick your ass. I’ll bet she has always been a tough woman. Go Grandma, hand him his ass.
    I hope my grandma has that in her when she’s 71. That’s gonna be me in 40 years.

  • Eerie

    Good for Grandma!

  • fAcE

    You go Granny! I’ll bet it was a cast iron skillet too. Grandmothers always have those things lying around.

  • Wildheart

    @FlamingFox:

    That part really warmed the cockles of my heart! This granny ROCKS!

    You took the words right out of my mouth FF! And it just tickles me to no end to see him wearing a neck brace in that mug shot. LOL!

  • polomint38

    criminal damage to property

    Do you think this was damage to the frying pan by his head? I hope so