Hutchinson, KS — Police say an intoxicated 25-year-old Kevin Funderburk sweet-talked his way into the home of a 71-year-old woman over the weekend under the guise that he was homeless and had nowhere else to go. He told the woman he was drunk and didn’t want any trouble with police. Once the woman opened her home to him, he reportedly attacked – holding the woman down and trying to rape her. The woman wasn’t about to let dude have his way with her. The spunky grandma managed to get her hands on a frying pan and proceeded to beat the snot out of the rapey shitstain. “She was fighting for her life,” said detective Sgt. John Moore. “She beat him down with a frying pan.” Officials say the woman was injured at some point during the struggle, but the extent of said injuries hasn’t been reported. In spite of her injuries, grandma knocked him the fuck out! When police responded to the woman’s home early Saturday morning, they found Funderburk unconscious in a puddle of his own vomit. He was transported to the hospital and had his scalp was stapled shut. Upon his release from the hospital, Funderburk was jailed on suspicion of attempted rape, aggravated battery, criminal restraint and criminal damage to property. Bond has been set at $55,200.
December 16, 2010 at 4:03 am by Jaded
Tags: Aggravated Battery, Attempted Rape, criminal damage to property, frying pan, Kansas
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