Man Caught Masturbating In Toy Aisle Of Walmart With Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, Banned From Store

December 2, 2010 at 9:48 am by Morbid  

Florida – How in the hell I missed this guy I will never know as God knows I’m a sucker for masturbation stories. Hmm…anyway, back in September, 28-year-old William Tyler Black was in a Florida Walmart buying a toy for his daughter when he says he got aroused by some pretty girls in the store. So he did what any red-blooded male would do in that situation and grabbed a 2010 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition off the rack, found a secluded spot in the toy section of the store and proceeded to jack off. After shooting his load on to the floor, he wiped his hands off on a Star Wars lightsaber, discarded the magazine and proceeded to leave unaware store employees had witnessed him in the act and had already contacted police. Black would admit to the responding officer that he had been masturbating and apologized saying that he was not a pervert and that he would clean up his mess. He was charged with indecent exposure and battery on a child — the latter charge stemming from the fact that a child could have come into contact with the knuckle soldiers left on the toy. The Smoking Gun is now reporting that Black has cut a plea deal that bars him from Walmart or “any store where children’s toys are sold.” He will also be placed on two year community control, a form of probation that can include a curfew and GPS monitoring. As we see in the story below this one, he’d been better off had he just fucked a dog in the parking lot.

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