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Fairplain, WV — According to police, an intoxicated 42-year-old Melissa Williams stumbled into her estranged husband’s room at the I-77 Motor Inn late last month and demanded oral sex before removing her pants and frillies.

Her estranged husband, Danny Williams, declined the invitation, but another male in the room, Adam Watson, figured he’d give it a go. Watson lost his nerve, though – and quite possibly the contents of his stomach – on approach.

He later told police that as he neared Melissa, he became overwhelmed by a horrible odor emanating from her vagina. And he, too, respectfully declined.

At that point, Ms. Rottencrotch reportedly grabbed a lock-back folding knife from a nearby table, pointed it at Danny and stated, “Somebody is going to eat my pussy or I’m going to cut your fucking throat.”

And I’m assuming that a stabbin’ was still preferable to getting anywhere near the woman’s funky fuck hole, because neither man budged.

Old Crusty Cooter was arrested and charged with domestic assault and brandishing a deadly weapon…by deadly weapon, I think they mean the knife.

Thanks, hellsbells!

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