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OH, NO! NOT THE BEES! NOT THE BEES! AAAAAHHHHH!

September 9, 2010 at 2:29 pm by  

DOVER, N.H. — If I were posting this story as an excuse to make a Nicholas Cage reference, trust me when I say I would admit it. But the reality of it is that I hate bees. I’m sure by now a lot of you may have come to the conclusion that I’m not a fan of pretty much any living creature aside from myself. But the truth is that I’m just not a fan of being attacked by any other living creature…especially bees. Wasps and yellow jackets to be more specific as those fuckers are insane. Some sixth-grade students at Dover Middle School found this out while on a field trip in the woods near the school after a student stepped on a nest. The angry residents immediately swarmed the group. The students were chased all the way back to the school, some of the bees ending up in the nurses office. Although eleven students were stung, one of them over 25 times, none suffered any severe effects. I once threw a rock at a wasps nest when I was a kid. I normally can’t aim for shit, but of course on that day I scored a bullseye. It was one of my first, absolutely terrifying experiences.

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    • Jury

      Gotta say it’s kind of funny……..

    • MM222

      OK< i got chills reading this b/c just the other day someone showed me this huge wasp/hornets nest behind my house where they were clearing some vines, you could actually see the nest “breathe” as the flying bastards would go in and out… I told them to leave it the hell alone, when it gets cold I will get someone to take care of it, ok, now I will be scared to walk in the back yard til the damn thing is gone!!!!!!!

    • Anonymous

      I think the Wicker Man remake is probably the worst movie I have ever seen.

      I mean, I expected it to be bad, especially compared to the original. But the cast and crew really pulled out all the stops to make it as painful as possible with awful writing, horrible acting, muddled direction, and ludicrous sets and costume. Kudos all around for this singular achievement.

    • IntelligentVirtue

      Aww dang, I like bees. I used to have a hive outside my back door. They never bothered me I guess because they’re pretty smart buggers and can recognize people’s faces so after a while they recognized mine. But, I also made sure not to go near them midday when they swarmed or errhhmm, practice my rock throwing aim *whistle* with them. Anyways, good to see the kids weren’t harmed.

    • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/F7IZ5A7XOSD6FY7ZINV3LBQKXM John

      To get rid of yellow jackets, you must visit their nest at nightfall. They are like birds and do not fly at night, unless disturbed. Take a gasoline soaked rag and place over the hole. There may be more than one hole if the nest is really big. Fan the rag with a piece of cardboard, forcing the fumes into the nest. After about 4 minutes of this, check the hole for activity. If the bees are knocked out, remove the nest by digging it up. The larvae make good bream and bass fish bait. It can be sold to bait shops for $6-$8 per pound. The adult bees need to sprayed with an insecticide as they will be really pissed when they revive. They will then sting everything in sight.

    • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/F7IZ5A7XOSD6FY7ZINV3LBQKXM John

      You’re talking about honey bees. I had three hives until I moved. They were too much trouble to take with me. Honey bees are not usually aggressive unless they are African bees. Honey bees are dying out and will soon be gone. There are few, if any, honeybees left in the wild.

    • Anonymous

      There were no wild honey bees at all in my part of West Virginia for about five years. However, they seem to be making a comeback in the last couple of years; they may possibly have been reintroduced deliberately or escaped from bee farms.

    • Sarahl4d

      I keep bees as a hobby, and seriously…my honey bees are sooo chill! I’ve only been stung by them 2x in the 4-5yrs i’ve been doing it. They kinda get a bad name because they are looped in with the hornets and wasps…which I agree, are 100% crazy. Honey bees die when they sting so they are less likely too…hornets and wasps will sting and sting you until you kill it.

    • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/F7IZ5A7XOSD6FY7ZINV3LBQKXM John

      I am glad to hear that. Honey straight from the hive is much better than honey stored in jars. I got my first hive from a tree and moved it to a hive. A good way to start your own hive is to put honey into an empty super with movable frames already in place. The wild bees will find the honey poured out into the super and when they swarm, they will move into the new hive with movable frames. You then have a free colony of bees in your hive. Most wild bees are of German genetic heritage. The yellow bees are Italian and are more mild mannered. The German bees work harder. They are dark in color, not the yellow like people see in pictures.

    • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/F7IZ5A7XOSD6FY7ZINV3LBQKXM John

      I really liked my bees. My wife hated them because she was afraid of them. When they swarmed, they looked dangerous, but were not. The males have no stingers and are basically worthless feeders. I know a lot of human males like that! The males have big eyes and are chunky. When the winter comes the female workers kick them out of the hive and they starve to death.

    • Anonymous

      Oh, yes, Wicker Man was a horrible remake from hell. The original is so much better. I have a sort of love for it as a cult movie (and because I love Scotland and would have lived there forever if I could have stayed). The remake is, honestly, a piece of crap. Also (just incidentally) weirdly misogynistic. Moreover, it is FUNNY where it’s not supposed to be (as in the “Oh Noez Not the Beez Aaaah” clip posted here). Am I wrong in thinking that Nicholas Cage should have just hung himself with his hair plugs long ago? Wild at Heart was great (love me some early and mid David Lynch). Leaving Las Vegas was great. Everything else has ranged, I think, from mediocre to shitstain bad. Well, I guess some of the action movies were okay, but that’s just because it’s hard to fuck that up.

    • Anonymous

      Oh, yes, Wicker Man was a horrible remake from hell. The original is so much better. I have a sort of love for it as a cult movie (and because I love Scotland and would have lived there forever if I could have stayed). The remake is, honestly, a piece of crap. Also (just incidentally) weirdly misogynistic. Moreover, it is FUNNY where it’s not supposed to be (as in the “Oh Noez Not the Beez Aaaah” clip posted here). Am I wrong in thinking that Nicholas Cage should have just hung himself with his hair plugs long ago? Wild at Heart was great (love me some early and mid David Lynch). Leaving Las Vegas was great. Everything else has ranged, I think, from mediocre to shitstain bad. Well, I guess some of the action movies were okay, but that’s just because it’s hard to fuck that up.

    • Anonymous

      It’s not too hard to learn how to keep bees, either, thanks to the internet. And I believe you can still buy what you need, bee boxes and all the rest, at Southern States. I have friends who keep them on their roof (here in the middle of the city, no less–pretty rad).

    • IntelligentVirtue

      ”When the winter comes the female workers kick them out of the hive and they starve to death.’

      Much like how my girl Sugar and the ravaging pack of broad hyenas do you:-p!!

    • IntelligentVirtue

      Yes, as a matter of fact they were. They would climb all over my screendoor exposing their unside and I could see the pollen in that little sack.

      I hope something is done to repopulate honey bees or at least some sort of efforts are put in place to preserve them. I prefer to use honey instead of antibiotics and topical creams. I tried to extoll the virtues of raw and unpasturized honey to my friends but I guess if I’m not wearing a white coat with a pad, pen and illegible writing then my medical expertise is nullified! But I say why not stick it to big pharma however we can!!

    • IntelligentVirtue

      Heeey Suga Suga!! *woof woof* :-D

    • Anonymous

      Mee-oww! Purr. : D

    • Anonymous

      My mother loves Nick Cage and has all or most of his movies, and they are indeed a motley assortment – mostly bad. Wicker Man is the worst of the bunch though, both because it’s a remake of a far better movie and because it’s also a complete piece of garbage when judged strictly on its own merits.

      The first time I saw the the (real) Wicker Man I knew nothing about it except that it had something to do with modern day pagans and (incorrectly) that it was a Hammer film. Everything else – the weird atmosphere, the singing, the extended nudity with Britt Ekland, the Equalizer in the starring role, Christopher Lee, the details of the plot, the shocking conclusion – came as a complete freakish surprise to me. Viewed that way, with no preconceptions, The Wicker Man is a suspenseful masterpiece.

    • Anonymous

      Now, now, don’t encourage paranoid peops to indulge in conspiracy theories, IV. I only WISH I had a pack of flea-ridden bitches. Alas!!

    • IntelligentVirtue

      hey!! BITCH-check! umm when I broke up w/ my ex he told me good RIDDANCE (close enough) check-check! I buy my laundry drawers in PACKS-check, umm if I ever encountered a horny toad I would FLEA-check. Sorry chica, you in fact do!

      Hehe, its all in jest.

    • Anonymous

      “the extended nudity with Britt Ekland”
      I forgot about that! Yeah, that was pretty good. One of the movie’s many, er, virtues.

    • Anonymous

      Hey, Britt was singing a pretty cool song buck naked. That’s not something you see every day.

    • Anonymous

      Hey heres a bee story I was in 5th grade and waiting at the bus stop shooting a yellow jacket hive with my Crossman 750 pellet gun. One flew toward my face and popped me in my eye brow above my right eye. I put my gun up got on the bus and went to school. I was sitting at my desk and the teacher exclaimed ” Kevin what happened to your eye!??” It was swollen shut and oozing fluid from the lid. I told her I did not know and she sent me home to which I walked to my favorite creek and started fishing for brim and bass as it was over flow from a Popular Lake at Cannon Mills and was loaded with keepers.

    • Anonymous

      Worse things than not having tastey enough honey will ensue if we lose the bees. They pollinate a lot of plants. Starvation is nigh.