“Hey! Get this car off me!”

August 23, 2010 at 6:59 am by Jaded  

Lorain, OH – Though a crime hasn’t actually been committed, I could not pass this story up. Mostly because I, too, tend to get all nekkid and sleepy when fuggered up – I’m just a bit choosier as to where I lay my head. According to police, an inebriated nekkid man was accidentally ran over and trapped underneath a vehicle while sleeping in an alley last Wednesday night. Robert Biggenow, 24, in town to visit with family members, celebrated the joyous reunion by tossing back a beer or sixteen. When it was time to sleep it off, his family said he went outside and laid down on the front lawn, but then went to the backyard, and that’s where they thought he would stay. Huh. That’s where I make my drunk relatives sleep, too! Instead of passing out in the backyard like he was supposed to, Biggenow stumbled into an alley behind the house and fell asleep there. Shortly thereafter, a man driving a Toyota Corolla pulled into his usual parking spot in the alley. The driver said he usually has to go over a bump to park in the alley, so he didn’t realize he had actually parked on top of a human speed bump until he exited his car and heard, “Hey! Get this car off me!” I’m pretty sure I’m going to hell because I tee-hee’d every single time I played that scene out in my head. When rescuers arrived, Biggenow’s legs were sticking out from under the passenger side of the car and he was in a state of semi-consciousness. The use of a hydraulic spreader was necessary to remove the man from underneath the vehicle and he was then transported to the hospital suffering from collapsed lung and a lacerated liver. He is said to be in stable condition. No charges have been filed.

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